First, thanks to everyone who commented or sent feedback regarding potential topics for future posts. I’m planning to do a series on leadership and a post on coping mechanisms in response to your requests. Please always feel free to make suggestions–I love hearing from you!
Speaking of which, this post is in response to a question from Aleta, who asked: “What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done?”
That’s a tough question! Let’s see… Well, I joined the Navy when I was 18. That was pretty scary. I was terrified to go to boot camp–I’d never done so much as ONE “boy” push-up in my life. I was honestly afraid that I wouldn’t be able to hack it. But I did–and I’m a much stronger person for it. When I was 23, I decided that I was going to spend two years overseas getting my Bachelor’s degree–this from someone whose only experience out of the country was a 5-day cruise to the Bahamas! And these weren’t easy countries–we’re talking China, India, Nepal, Turkey, Taiwan, and Thailand. I didn’t think I’d last the whole two years without giving up. But I made it, and my self-confidence increased exponentially.
What else? Oh, I went skydiving when I was 26–that was pretty scary, but also the most exhilirating thing I’ve ever done. I made the decision to have a prophylactic masectomy last summer after I tested positive for the breast cancer gene mutation. It was scary, but much less scary than having cancer. (Every woman on my mom’s side of the family either has, has had, or has died of breast cancer.) I got married again in December (I had a brief and absolutely DISASTROUS first marriage at 18), which was terrifying. It was hard to open myself up to someone again and take the risk of being hurt or failing. But it was the best decision I’ve ever made.
Those experiences pushed me to my limits in different ways–testing my resolve, determination, endurance, and persistence–but none of them qualify as “the scariest thing I’ve ever done.” The answer to your question, Aleta, is this…
Without a doubt, the scariest thing I’ve ever done is admitting my secret dream of being a writer to myself and others.
I’ve held onto this dream for years, keeping it so hidden that I wasn’t even consciously aware of it. Recognizing and “owning” my dream, admitting the truth to myself and to others, was the most frightening and humbling experiences of my life. I know that I want to be a writer. My friends and family know that I want to be a writer. The Internet knows I want to be a writer. There’s nowhere left to hide. If I don’t move toward this goal, people are going to ask me why and hold me accountable. I can no longer pretend that I’m satisfied with merely getting through the day.
And you know what? I’m actually doing it now. I’ve stopped thinking about it and daydreaming about it, and started talking about it and doing it. Even though I’m on the path, it’s still terrifying. What if I fail? What if I’m not good enough? What if I give up? What if, what if, what if…
The flip side of the fear, however, is the reward. I write pretty much every day for Semi-Charmed Wife. My articles have been picked up in online magazines and featured on other websites. I’m working on an e-book compilation of the best posts from this site. I’m writing short stories and working on a novel.
I am a writer, and that feels INCREDIBLE!
