(Cross-posted at BlogHer)

From a genius at Forbes: “Guys: a word of advice. Marry pretty women or ugly ones. Short ones or tall ones. Blondes or brunettes. Just, whatever you do, don’t marry a woman with a career.” (My DH just wrestled a barbecue fork out of my hand as I attempted to attack the author through the Interweb.)

This is old (August 2006) and many of you may have already seen it, but I just ran across the original article the other day and I was INCENSED. (The full article by Michael Noer and a stellar response are posted in point-counterpoint format here.) Like it’s not difficult enough to figure out what we want to do with our lives and how, now we’ve got this jackass telling us that we’ll be bad wives if we have a career? He’s dead wrong.

In fact, the most important, most selfless, most beneficial thing we could ever do for our partners and families is to find our purpose in life and start living it. (That may not include a “career” in the traditional sense, but for many women, it will.) What kind of wives or partners will we be if we are unfulfilled, yearning for something we can’t even recognize? What kind of examples will we be to our children if we don’t have the courage to identify our purpose and use our unique strengths and talents to express it?

I simply refuse to accept that we have to martyr ourselves and set aside our dreams for the good of our families–we might have to modify them to fit our circumstances, but we never have to give them up. Just as “staying together for the kids” puts undue stress and guilt on your children, so does sacrificing your happiness. Do you want your children to grow up in the shadow of all you could have been instead of basking in the sunlight of all that you ARE?

I want to make it clear that I am not in any way denigrating the choice to be a stay-at-home mom. I believe that raising children can be an integral part of our purpose as women (and/or men), and I certainly hope to be able to stay at home when I have kids. But I don’t think that women whose passion and purpose leads them to a career outside the home are bound to be cheating wives and distant mothers, as the author suggests.

Mr. Noer’s message is one of fear and powerlessness. (”The other reason a career can hurt a marriage will be obvious to anyone who has seen his or her mate run off with a co-worker: When your spouse works outside the home, chances increase that he or she will meet someone more likable than you.”) Don’t let it and poisonous ideas like it keep you from pursuing the life you know is yours to claim.

(Cross-posted at BlogHer)

So you’ve survived four years of toga parties, rushing, study abroad, and finals, and now you have yourself a nice shiny degree. Great. So… now what?

I’ve seen many a friend enter a state of indecision and virtual paralysis after college. An old (platonic) roommate of mine spent the seven months after graduation sitting on our couch playing video games and eating through his inheritance before he got off his ass and got a J-O-B. Another friend finally graduated a year and a half late (after a series of “mistakes” that convinced me she was intentionally postponing entry into the adult world) only to spend the next year living with her parents and doing nothing. When asked (repeatedly, in increasingly hysterical tones by concerned friends and family) why this was happening, both of them gave the same response: “But I don’t know what I want to do.”

Oooooohhhhhh. You don’t know what you want to dooooooo. Well, that’s all right. Take all the time you need and—

OK, seriously, cut the bullcrap. No one knows what they want to do. I don’t know what I want to do. Your mom doesn’t know what she wants to do. Oprah doesn’t know what she wants to do. We all just flounder around and try to find a job and keep our heads above water and figure it out the best way we know how. Not knowing what you want to do with your life DOES NOT give you an excuse to stop living it. Do you really want to try to explain a 7-month gap on your resume or a 3-year stint as a hostess at Applebee’s (not that there’s anything wrong with that, if food service is your calling)? No. You don’t. So get off your ass and join the adult workforce.

For those of you who don’t know where to start, here’s a step-by-step plan:

1. Create a resume. Do not include an “objective statement.” (Trust me. I routinely review resumes as part of my job, and we all sit around and laugh at your objective statements. And your cover letters.) Do not be sloppy; triple check for typos. Typos will hurt you. Do not include the three months you worked at McDonald’s in high school. Do not list that you were President of your youth group or your fraternity. Do not list your church affiliation or hobbies. No one cares. Include ONLY relevant work/volunteer experience and educational/professional credentials. Ask someone that will be brutally honest with you to look over your resume and cover letter before you send them anywhere. Edit, edit, edit. (After 5 years of reviewing crappy resumes, the Semi-Charmed Wife has become an expert in revising them. Want help with yours?)
2. Start applying for jobs. I know, I know—you don’t know what you want to dooooooooo. Puh-lease. Just grab the want ads and start applying for anything that will pay the bills. (If nothing else, you’ll get lots of interview practice.) Unless food service or retail is your industry of choice, stay out of the food court and the shopping mall. Look for generic corporate jobs with titles that start with Junior or end with Assistant. At this point (I’m assuming you’re a new college graduate), that’s pretty much all you’re qualified for. Harsh, but true. Accept the first tolerable job you are offered that keeps you housed and fed and includes health insurance and a 401k plan (and start contributing as much as you can afford).
3. Are you gainfully employed? Good. NOW you can take some time to think about what you want. Can you narrow it down to an industry? If not, do you know what kind of job you want (e.g., sales, consulting, teaching, project management)? Read lots of books. Take career tests. Find out what color your parachute is. (Notice how you have a steady paycheck coming in while you’re thinking, and your parents aren’t calling you every 20 minutes to ask how the job search is going. Isn’t that nice?) Just don’t take this stuff too seriously—you’re not trying to end conflict in the Middle East, you’re trying to pick a career. You can have as many of them as you want in this life, so don’t overthink it. Just pick something that you’re interested in and could see yourself doing for at least a few years.
4. Do you have some general ideas of what you might like to do? Good. (If no, then repeat Step 3 until you either come up with an idea or get bored with it.) Now’s the time to start networking. Check newspapers and Craigslist for groups, events, workshops, seminars, classes, etc. focused on your industry or career of choice. Join a professional association. Go to career fairs. Kiss ass at cocktail parties. Volunteer for an organization that does what you want to do—you’ll get experience in your industry of choice that can fill in the gaps on that skimpy resume.
5. Get your bum back in school. Horrified? I have a hard truth for you. Pretty much everyone I know had to go back and get a Master’s degree. These days, four-year degrees just aren’t likely to get you where you want to go. So start studying for your GRE / GMAT / LSAT / MCAT and writing those personal essays. You can keep your lovely day job and still manage to go full-time at night if you want to (that’s what this Semi-Charmed Wife did, and it worked for me). It will mean a few years of misery, but at the end of it all, you’ll get much further along than you will if you coast on your Bachelor’s.
6. Revise your resume to reflect your new work/volunteer experience, professional association memberships, and brand spankin’ new Master’s degree.

I know it’s easy to say and hard to do, but here’s the thing—I did it, so I know it can be done. I’ve seen many of my friends do it, and you can do it to. Don’t fall into the trap of letting days and weeks and months slide by while you brood in your high school bedroom thinking about your perfect job. Get out there and DO SOMETHING. It doesn’t matter if it’s completely not what you want out of life, you can always change directions later.

Did you know that Vince Vaughn started out as a telemarketer? Ralph Lauren’s first job was as a sales clerk in retail. Faith Hill got her start as a receptionist. George Clooney sold suits. It doesn’t matter where you START, it’s where you’re headed that counts.

As always, feel free to send in your specific questions. I’m here to help! And check out my Services for help with creating your own personal five-year plan. Now get out there and conquer the world!