First, thanks to everyone who commented or sent feedback regarding potential topics for future posts. I’m planning to do a series on leadership and a post on coping mechanisms in response to your requests. Please always feel free to make suggestions–I love hearing from you! 

Speaking of which, this post is in response to a question from Aleta, who asked: “What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done?”

That’s a tough question! Let’s see… Well, I joined the Navy when I was 18. That was pretty scary. I was terrified to go to boot camp–I’d never done so much as ONE “boy” push-up in my life. I was honestly afraid that I wouldn’t be able to hack it. But I did–and I’m a much stronger person for it. When I was 23, I decided that I was going to spend two years overseas getting my Bachelor’s degree–this from someone whose only experience out of the country was a 5-day cruise to the Bahamas! And these weren’t easy countries–we’re talking China, India, Nepal, Turkey, Taiwan, and Thailand. I didn’t think I’d last the whole two years without giving up. But I made it, and my self-confidence increased exponentially.

What else? Oh, I went skydiving when I was 26–that was pretty scary, but also the most exhilirating thing I’ve ever done. I made the decision to have a prophylactic masectomy last summer after I tested positive for the breast cancer gene mutation. It was scary, but much less scary than having cancer. (Every woman on my mom’s side of the family either has, has had, or has died of breast cancer.) I got married again in December (I had a brief and absolutely DISASTROUS first marriage at 18), which was terrifying. It was hard to open myself up to someone again and take the risk of being hurt or failing. But it was the best decision I’ve ever made.

Those experiences pushed me to my limits in different ways–testing my resolve, determination, endurance, and persistence–but none of them qualify as “the scariest thing I’ve ever done.” The answer to your question, Aleta, is this…

Without a doubt, the scariest thing I’ve ever done is admitting my secret dream of being a writer to myself and others.

I’ve held onto this dream for years, keeping it so hidden that I wasn’t even consciously aware of it. Recognizing and “owning” my dream, admitting the truth to myself and to others, was the most frightening and humbling experiences of my life. I know that I want to be a writer. My friends and family know that I want to be a writer. The Internet knows I want to be a writer. There’s nowhere left to hide. If I don’t move toward this goal, people are going to ask me why and hold me accountable. I can no longer pretend that I’m satisfied with merely getting through the day.

And you know what? I’m actually doing it now. I’ve stopped thinking about it and daydreaming about it, and started talking about it and doing it. Even though I’m on the path, it’s still terrifying. What if I fail? What if I’m not good enough? What if I give up? What if, what if, what if…

The flip side of the fear, however, is the reward. I write pretty much every day for Semi-Charmed Wife. My articles have been picked up in online magazines and featured on other websites. I’m working on an e-book compilation of the best posts from this site. I’m writing short stories and working on a novel.

I am a writer, and that feels INCREDIBLE!

An email from a good friend just opened my eyes to what I really want to do with this website. My friend, like me and many women I know, is in her late 20s and is going through a mild “quarter-life crisis.” She feels unfulfilled in her current job, but the money is good and it’s hard to walk away. Deep down, she knows what she wants to do, but she’s afraid to do it, afraid to commit to it, afraid to say it out loud, afraid to even think about it (again, like me).

There are few things more terrifying than admitting to ourselves what we truly desire. If we don’t name it, we can flounder in the no-man’s land of “I don’t know what I want to do” for as long as we want. We can waste our days working just to pay the bills and never have to face the truth and make hard choices. Isn’t it much easier to plead ignorance? Then, no one—including ourselves—can expect much from us. We can’t fail at our dream job because we’re never going to try. (That’s not to say that I think we should up and quit our current jobs without a plan. I stand by my earlier advice—we’re adults, and we need to be self-sufficient even during periods of intense self-discovery.)

I think this is the real problem that faces most recent college grads—it isn’t that we don’t know what we want to do, it‘s that we won’t admit it to ourselves. You know that nagging, unsatisfied feeling you get when you think about joining the work force? That’s your secret passion whispering in your ear, begging you to speak its name. You know that desperate, trapped feeling you have as you’re getting ready for yet another day in the same, stupid, boring job? That’s your true calling urging you to stop being afraid, quit wasting your time, and take the plunge.

What is that little voice saying to you? What are you being called to do? What would you do with your life if you weren’t afraid?

I’ll go first. I want to write novels full-time. There, I said it. That’s what I want to do. How can I get there from where I am? More on that tomorrow.

I’d love your input on features that would be useful to you in your own personal development journey. Oh, and please send me a message and tell me what your secret dream is—let’s do this!