And now for the final installment in the three-part series on leadership… The last, but not the least, quality that all good leaders possess is great management skills.

There are libraries full of books, catalogs full of courses, universities full of degrees in management. But you don’t need an MBA or the latest fad management book to be a great leader–all you need are a few basic principles.

• Become a MACROmanager. We’ve all experienced (or at least heard of) the dreaded micromanager–the supervisor who looks over your shoulder, triple checking everything you do and offering “helpful” hints when you just want to be left alone to do your work. But it can be hard–especially for first-time managers–to let go and empower your employees to work independently. So how do you become a macromanager? Use this handy acronym! S.T.D. Stay out of the details. Trust your employees to do their work–don’t second guess their decisions. Delegate, delegate, delegate.
• Provide honest feedback. If an employee has done a great job or come up with a new and innovative way to do something, then tell them. Don’t save it for the end-of-year performance appraisal. More importantly, if an employee is not doing a good job, you should immediately speak with him about it. Yes, it’s an uncomfortable conversation, but if you put it on the back burner, it’s going to sit there and simmer until you explode out of the blue on your poor unsuspecting employee. That’s just not fair.
• Ask for and listen to honest feedback. This is the flip side of providing honest feedback. I’ve worked for many managers who had absolutely no problem telling employees what they were doing wrong, but never asked for (or asked for and then reacted badly to) honest feedback from employees. At least once per quarter, you should ask a few employees (individually–not in a group) how you’re doing. Alternately, you could ask for anonymous suggestions. Is there anything you could do better? Do your employees have suggestions to improve things around the office? There’s only one way to find out! And a good leader listens to and accepts constructive criticism–she doesn’t lash out or punish others for being honest.
• Remember that one size does NOT fit all. I once heard a great story (can’t remember where, of course) about an American manager who was sent to oversee a factory in Japan. To reward an employee who was doing a particularly good job, the manager called a staff meeting and presented the employee with an award in front of everyone. The employee was mortified. In Japanese culture, humility is important–by singling out the employee, the manager actually shamed him. Talk to your employees about how they each individually would like to be rewarded. What motivates them? Perhaps a health conscious employee would like an hour three times a week to go to the gym. (Healthy employees cost the company less in insurance!) Perhaps a busy mom would like an extra hour in the morning one day a week to spend with the kids. Maybe an up-and-coming star would like to be sent to a project management course. You don’t know until you ASK.

What management techniques have you used (or seen as an employee) that embodied good leadership?

First, thanks to everyone who commented or sent feedback regarding potential topics for future posts. I’m planning to do a series on leadership and a post on coping mechanisms in response to your requests. Please always feel free to make suggestions–I love hearing from you! 

Speaking of which, this post is in response to a question from Aleta, who asked: “What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done?”

That’s a tough question! Let’s see… Well, I joined the Navy when I was 18. That was pretty scary. I was terrified to go to boot camp–I’d never done so much as ONE “boy” push-up in my life. I was honestly afraid that I wouldn’t be able to hack it. But I did–and I’m a much stronger person for it. When I was 23, I decided that I was going to spend two years overseas getting my Bachelor’s degree–this from someone whose only experience out of the country was a 5-day cruise to the Bahamas! And these weren’t easy countries–we’re talking China, India, Nepal, Turkey, Taiwan, and Thailand. I didn’t think I’d last the whole two years without giving up. But I made it, and my self-confidence increased exponentially.

What else? Oh, I went skydiving when I was 26–that was pretty scary, but also the most exhilirating thing I’ve ever done. I made the decision to have a prophylactic masectomy last summer after I tested positive for the breast cancer gene mutation. It was scary, but much less scary than having cancer. (Every woman on my mom’s side of the family either has, has had, or has died of breast cancer.) I got married again in December (I had a brief and absolutely DISASTROUS first marriage at 18), which was terrifying. It was hard to open myself up to someone again and take the risk of being hurt or failing. But it was the best decision I’ve ever made.

Those experiences pushed me to my limits in different ways–testing my resolve, determination, endurance, and persistence–but none of them qualify as “the scariest thing I’ve ever done.” The answer to your question, Aleta, is this…

Without a doubt, the scariest thing I’ve ever done is admitting my secret dream of being a writer to myself and others.

I’ve held onto this dream for years, keeping it so hidden that I wasn’t even consciously aware of it. Recognizing and “owning” my dream, admitting the truth to myself and to others, was the most frightening and humbling experiences of my life. I know that I want to be a writer. My friends and family know that I want to be a writer. The Internet knows I want to be a writer. There’s nowhere left to hide. If I don’t move toward this goal, people are going to ask me why and hold me accountable. I can no longer pretend that I’m satisfied with merely getting through the day.

And you know what? I’m actually doing it now. I’ve stopped thinking about it and daydreaming about it, and started talking about it and doing it. Even though I’m on the path, it’s still terrifying. What if I fail? What if I’m not good enough? What if I give up? What if, what if, what if…

The flip side of the fear, however, is the reward. I write pretty much every day for Semi-Charmed Wife. My articles have been picked up in online magazines and featured on other websites. I’m working on an e-book compilation of the best posts from this site. I’m writing short stories and working on a novel.

I am a writer, and that feels INCREDIBLE!

I recently saw this article on CNN about being stuck a bad job. Yes, the article says, having a bad job is awful and demoralizing and stressful. Yes, it sucks to be “stuck” in an awkward position–unable to quit because of external circumstances. (Man, they’re really singing my song here.) BUT there’s always a bright side, and it will help your state of mind considerably if you can find it.

The author lists the following as falling on the “bright side” of an terrible job:

• Paycheck and benefits: No matter how bad it is, it’s better than nothing. At least you’re bringing home a little bit of bacon, right? And the 401k, health insurance, life insurance, and vacation time can’t hurt.
• Skills: You can leverage a bad job to gain the skills and experience you need to find and obtain your dream job.
• Networking: Depending on your work environment, you may encounter a range of people who could help you make the transition to a new career.
• Wisdom: What can you learn from this experience? Do you hate a certain type of task? Did you make assumptions about the position during the interview process? Did you miss key warning signs?

Using this approach, I’m able to see more bright spots than I would have imagined in my current job. I was able to attend training and get a certification that’s very valuable in my field. I’ve met many people–both clients and coworkers–who want to help me move into a better position. I’ve learned to be more assertive. I’ve honed my technical writing skills. I’ve added valuable experience to my resume. I have fairly flexible hours, an awesome 401k plan, and top-notch health insurance. I’ve learned that a contentious, high-stress environment will NOT work for me in the long-term. I’ve seen how supportive and understanding my husband can be. I’ve been forced to talk more openly about my problems and feelings with my friends and family. I’ve developed better coping mechanisms. Geez. When I look at it this way, the damn job almost seems like a blessing!

Is there a negative in your life that you could flip to the bright side?

A few days ago, I was talking to a friend who’s in the throes of a particularly nasty quarter-life crisis. She doesn’t know what she wants to be when she grows up (she’s 28), she has no idea what her purpose is, and she feels completely paralyzed. She asked me if I know what I want to do with my life. “Yes,” I told her, “I’m going to be a bestselling novelist.” She paused (a long pause, I might add) and said, “Don’t you think you’re setting your sights too high? I mean, shouldn’t you start with a short story or a magazine article?”

Um… Hell, no!

I don’t fault my friend for not being supportive. For one thing, she’s going through a very tough time right now, and for another, most people are terrified of big goals. Think about it. Wouldn’t you be a bit taken aback if your neighbor told you with a straight face that she was going to find a cure for cancer, or win the Boston Marathon, or become an astronaut, or be an Oscar-winning director? Your response might start with “Yeeeeaaaaah, but…” I’m guilty of doing this, too. Why are we so quick to discount the dreams of “ordinary” people?

Here’s the thing–no one is a born virtuoso. It’s all of matter of exposure, opportunity, and hard work. When I say exposure, I mean to ask–what would Mozart have become if no one had ever shown him a piano? What would Martin Scorsese be if he had never seen a movie? At some point, you have to be exposed to something that ignites your passion. This is why it’s so important to make a diligent effort to find your purpose–it might be something you’ve never been exposed to, and you won’t find it if you don’t look.

As for opportunity and hard work, the two go hand in hand. Remember Jewel, the singer? Lucky girl, right? Probably had a pretty nice life since she made it big in the late 90s. Well, it didn’t start out that way. She grew up in Alaska in a house with no indoor plumbing (outhouse in Alaska? Brrr!). In high school, she learned to yodel and play guitar, and she started writing songs at 17. For a few years, she lived in her van doing street performances and playing small clubs. But she kept putting herself out there, creating opportunities to get noticed, and working hard, and you know what? She made it. I bet her high school classmates laughed their asses off when she said she was going to be a famous singer one day. I bet they’re not laughing now.

So go ahead, think big. Set your sights as high as you can dream. What’s your impossibly huge goal? Leave a comment & let me know–I promise, I won’t laugh.

Day 14 is done–one week to go!

This post was included in the Personal Development Carnival at The Next 45 Years. Stop by to check out all the great articles!

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Day 8 and still going strong (writing in the morning works SO much better for me!)…

I like to keep my options open, don’t you? It’s good to have options–it feels great to have the freedom to change direction, do different things, take a new job, etc. But I’m beginning to think that having options isn’t that great for me. In fact, it might be what’s keeping me from achieving my goals.

Right now, for example, I have lots of options. I could stay in my current job as a consultant for the federal government. The money’s good and will only get better, and I love my coworkers. Sure, the job is stressful, but I’m never bored. I could ask my consulting company for a new assignment with one of our other clients. It would be the same type of work, but with new faces and a change of scenery. I could decide to go back to working directly for the government–you can’t beat the job security! Or I could start looking for jobs in the private sector in a field I’ve worked in before (defense, international trade, or business consulting) or in an entirely new area. No matter which option I ultimately choose, I’ll always find a way to squeeze in some writing, right?

But what if I didn’t have any choice but to make a living through my writing? What if were on my own and I didn’t have a job–no other way of generating income but to write? How motivated and focused would I be? How committed would I be to producing the best work of my life, then tirelessly marketing it to get it published? Pretty damn committed.

I think there will come a time when I’m going to have to take away my options. (This is the part where my stomach starts to hurt and visions of poverty dance through my head.) That’s right, at some point, I’m going to have to quit working and write full-time. Because I’m married and something like this needs to be a joint decision, I’ll have to negotiate some conditions with my husband. I, for one, would like to have all of my credit cards and private student loans paid off before I quit, and I’d like to have a working draft of my novel. Once I’ve met those two conditions (as long as my hubby’s in agreement, and I’m confident that he will be), I’m going to resign.

And that’s not all–I need to set a concrete deadline. Otherwise, I could procrastinate on paying my bills and take my sweet-ass time putting together a draft and stretch this process out for ten years. Unacceptable. So on May 28, 2009 , I’m going to quit my job and either write full-time or take a job that allows me more time to write (part time or summers off).

God, that’s terrifying.

What about you? What options could you take away to force you to achieve your goals?

This article was featured in the Personal Development Carnival–stop by to check out great articles on personal development.