The more I reflect on identifying my true purpose, the more the “You can do it!” message resonates with me. Just typing those words makes me feel energized, inspired, and motivated to work hard and find the right medium for my message. I can honestly say that I never felt that way when I was thinking about writing fiction (or actually writing it). This excitement and energy tells me that I’m on the right track.

I’m not quite sure yet what my ideal medium will be, but since I’m fairly certain (not 100% at this point, but pretty close) that it won’t be fiction, I need to realign my goals and objectives to be a better fit with my (admittedly fuzzy) ideas about how best to move forward. (Check out the revised writing/blogging section of my 101 Things list to see how I changed my goals in those areas.)

At least to start, this website will be the “hub” of my efforts. Here are some steps I plan to take to align it more closely with my purpose:

• Rebranding. I love the Semi-Charmed Wife domain name, so I’m definitely keeping that, but I’d like a new image for my logo/header and a new tagline. Any suggestions? Is anyone out there good with graphic design (on a fee or barter basis, of course) or have a recommendation for someone who is?
• Business plan. I’d like to write a comprehensive business plan to chart the course for my website. This will force me to look at areas I often ignore, such as marketing and revenue generation. Again, I’m not strong in this area, so if you are, I’d love your help! I’d definitely either pay for services or barter my services for yours (e.g., I’ll write/edit/provide coaching for you if you assist me).
• eBook. I’d like to write an eBook about finding your purpose (I have tentative ideas for others as well), and I’d like to make it available in my online store. Which brings me to the next item…
• Online store. I’d like to add an online store to my website where people can purchase services, eBooks, and potentially T-shirts and other merchandise. (Again, I’d need a good graphic designer!)

I think that completing these steps will put me well on the way to transforming my website into an effective vehicle for delivering my message. If you have any additional ideas for me, or if you think you could help me (or know someone who could) with the business plan or the graphic design (either for a fee or for an exchange of services), let me know!

Some of you responded yesterday that you know what your message is, and some responded that you’ve already identified your medium. What steps are you taking to fill in the blanks? What resources or topics for posts might be helpful for you?

Most of you know that one of my paramount interests is to find and live my true purpose. For some time, I’ve been convinced that my purpose is to write fiction–novels, to be specific. Lately, though, I haven’t been so sure. This neither surprises nor upsets me. Figuring out your purpose is the work of a lifetime. I don’t expect it to be easy, and I don’t expect to get it right the first–or the second or the third–time.

I’m still kind of sorting through this issue, but here’s where I stand…

What I prioritize. There are certain things in my life that I make time for without fail. These include spending time with my husband, socializing with friends and family, running, reading, and–most significantly–updating this blog. Since I started this website, I think I’ve posted at least five times per week. I always look forward to writing for Semi-Charmed Wife, and I get terribly distressed when I can’t post. Interesting, no?

What I avoid. I have to force myself to make time for creative writing. It feels like a chore. I’m pretty good at it and I enjoy it, but I’m not on fire for it. If writing fiction is integral to fulfilling my purpose, shouldn’t I be motivated to do it–not avoiding it like the plague? I thought for a long time that maybe fear of failure might be behind my resistance, but I think it’s deeper than that. I think I avoid it because I’ve proclaimed to the world that it’s my calling, and some part of me knows that isn’t quite right (or maybe it is–I’m still working it out). I’ll probably always write fiction as a hobby, but as of right now, I don’t think it’s my purpose.

What fascinates me. I do a lot of reading–books, blogs, informational websites, newspapers, magazines. If it will hold still and has words on it, chances are that I’ll read it (or at least skim it). When it comes to fiction, I love the sci-fi, fantasy, and supernatural genres. If I had to put my finger on why I love those types of books the best, I’d have to say because they stimulate my imagination. They prompt me to think and dream and imagine and visualize and push at the limits of what’s possible.

In the nonfiction realm, I love (obviously) reading about personal development–finding your purpose, setting goals, growing as a person… anything along those lines. I enjoy reading about different religions and spiritual traditions–probably a legacy of the Comparative Religion and Culture Program I did while studying abroad. I also love reading about the intersection between science and spirituality (check out these articles for examples of what I’m talking about). So overall, my nonfiction reading focuses on personal growth, exploring spirituality and culture, and discovering new ways of thinking.

What frustrates me. I don’t know about you, but when I’m frustrated by something, I get really motivated to change it. It seems logical to me that things that frustrate us about the world, other people, or ourselves could provide insight on our purpose–what we’re here to change. I’m frustrated that so many people–especially people in their 20s and 30s (myself included)–have such a hard time figuring out what to do with their lives. I want to help people find their own path. I’m frustrated that many people have a kind of victim mentality about life. They feel like life “just happens” to them, and they chalk up negative experiences to “just my luck”. I want people to feel empowered and to realize that they–and they alone–are the architects of their own destiny. I’m frustrated that I see so much untapped potential all around me (including in myself). I want people to become enlightened, to see the truth of themselves and to take accountability for growing into the fullness of what and who they can become. It frustrates me to see people come up with reason after reason why they can’t achieve their goals. I want to help people stop making excuses and start living.

What I’m good at. I’m a good writer–writing comes as easily and naturally to me as speaking. I’m also an articulate and comfortable public speaker; unlike many people, I really enjoy speaking to large groups. I’m good at teaching, training, and mentoring, and I think I give pretty sound advice and counsel.

Who I want to reach. I want to reach anyone who’s searching for truth and purpose, any seeker who’s ready to take up the challenge of a lifetime and become the person they were meant to be. I feel especially drawn to helping women in this challenge.

You probably noticed that I bolded and highlighted key words and phrases throughout this post. These words feel important to me. They feel like they’re connected to my purpose, like they’re the key to synthesizing everything I presented in this post into a coherent idea.

I’d love to hear what you think. What comes to mind when you think about what I said? Does a purpose leap out at you? I’d also be happy to take a look at your responses in the above categories and see if I can help you make sense of them.

Have a great weekend!

The last two days have been, as you might guess, a bit trying. I promise to get back to regular, topical posts on Monday, but before I do, I wanted to share something with you.

I’ve made a pretty significant decision about my career and my future. It’s a direction I’ve been considering for years, so I guess it’s been a long time coming. I haven’t been able to make this move until now, but my husband just got a nice raise and we’re very financially secure, so the time is finally right.

I’ve decided to apply for the DC Teaching Fellows this fall. It’s an alternative certification program that allows you to start teaching while taking classes. Teaching is something I’ve always been drawn to, and I’ve loved my experience as a mentor with the Higher Achievement Program. Working with kids was challenging and rewarding in ways that I’ve never experienced before, and I think I would be completely fulfilled by a teaching career.

The program has a number of great benefits. Teachers can get lower interest rates on home loans in DC, and there’s a program where they can buy houses at up to 50% off the list price. I can get my federal student loans cancelled by serving in an underserved school district. I can get half of my tuition reimbursed–more if I agree to teach for two full years. And I get to work with really great kids!

It’s a competitive program, and there’s a chance I might not get in. Even if I don’t, I still want to pursue one of the other alternate certification programs here in DC. My goal is to start teaching in Fall 2009. It’s kind of scary to contemplate cutting my salary nearly in half, but I haven’t been happy at work for a long time and I’m ready to be HAPPY about my job!

In addition to being a career that will challenge and fulfill me, teaching would give me summers off. And you know what I could do with that time? WRITE!! I’ve been pretty sporadic with my creative writing lately. I’ve found that my job, which is very stressful and mentally/emotionally grueling, leaves me with zero creative energy at the end of the day. It’s just more than I can do to spend nine hours in intense mental concentration in front of a computer at work and come home and engage in more intense mental concentration in front of a computer. I’ve tried, and I just burn out.

I’m really excited about preparing for the program! I’ve already signed up to take the PRAXIS exams, and I’ll be applying to the Teaching Fellows program as soon as registration opens in October. Hooray!

I’m off to enjoy a (hopefully) relaxing weekend with my (thank God) healthy husband. I hope you have a wonderful, restful weekend!!

And now for the final installment in the three-part series on leadership… The last, but not the least, quality that all good leaders possess is great management skills.

There are libraries full of books, catalogs full of courses, universities full of degrees in management. But you don’t need an MBA or the latest fad management book to be a great leader–all you need are a few basic principles.

• Become a MACROmanager. We’ve all experienced (or at least heard of) the dreaded micromanager–the supervisor who looks over your shoulder, triple checking everything you do and offering “helpful” hints when you just want to be left alone to do your work. But it can be hard–especially for first-time managers–to let go and empower your employees to work independently. So how do you become a macromanager? Use this handy acronym! S.T.D. Stay out of the details. Trust your employees to do their work–don’t second guess their decisions. Delegate, delegate, delegate.
• Provide honest feedback. If an employee has done a great job or come up with a new and innovative way to do something, then tell them. Don’t save it for the end-of-year performance appraisal. More importantly, if an employee is not doing a good job, you should immediately speak with him about it. Yes, it’s an uncomfortable conversation, but if you put it on the back burner, it’s going to sit there and simmer until you explode out of the blue on your poor unsuspecting employee. That’s just not fair.
• Ask for and listen to honest feedback. This is the flip side of providing honest feedback. I’ve worked for many managers who had absolutely no problem telling employees what they were doing wrong, but never asked for (or asked for and then reacted badly to) honest feedback from employees. At least once per quarter, you should ask a few employees (individually–not in a group) how you’re doing. Alternately, you could ask for anonymous suggestions. Is there anything you could do better? Do your employees have suggestions to improve things around the office? There’s only one way to find out! And a good leader listens to and accepts constructive criticism–she doesn’t lash out or punish others for being honest.
• Remember that one size does NOT fit all. I once heard a great story (can’t remember where, of course) about an American manager who was sent to oversee a factory in Japan. To reward an employee who was doing a particularly good job, the manager called a staff meeting and presented the employee with an award in front of everyone. The employee was mortified. In Japanese culture, humility is important–by singling out the employee, the manager actually shamed him. Talk to your employees about how they each individually would like to be rewarded. What motivates them? Perhaps a health conscious employee would like an hour three times a week to go to the gym. (Healthy employees cost the company less in insurance!) Perhaps a busy mom would like an extra hour in the morning one day a week to spend with the kids. Maybe an up-and-coming star would like to be sent to a project management course. You don’t know until you ASK.

What management techniques have you used (or seen as an employee) that embodied good leadership?

First, thanks to everyone who commented or sent feedback regarding potential topics for future posts. I’m planning to do a series on leadership and a post on coping mechanisms in response to your requests. Please always feel free to make suggestions–I love hearing from you! 

Speaking of which, this post is in response to a question from Aleta, who asked: “What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done?”

That’s a tough question! Let’s see… Well, I joined the Navy when I was 18. That was pretty scary. I was terrified to go to boot camp–I’d never done so much as ONE “boy” push-up in my life. I was honestly afraid that I wouldn’t be able to hack it. But I did–and I’m a much stronger person for it. When I was 23, I decided that I was going to spend two years overseas getting my Bachelor’s degree–this from someone whose only experience out of the country was a 5-day cruise to the Bahamas! And these weren’t easy countries–we’re talking China, India, Nepal, Turkey, Taiwan, and Thailand. I didn’t think I’d last the whole two years without giving up. But I made it, and my self-confidence increased exponentially.

What else? Oh, I went skydiving when I was 26–that was pretty scary, but also the most exhilirating thing I’ve ever done. I made the decision to have a prophylactic masectomy last summer after I tested positive for the breast cancer gene mutation. It was scary, but much less scary than having cancer. (Every woman on my mom’s side of the family either has, has had, or has died of breast cancer.) I got married again in December (I had a brief and absolutely DISASTROUS first marriage at 18), which was terrifying. It was hard to open myself up to someone again and take the risk of being hurt or failing. But it was the best decision I’ve ever made.

Those experiences pushed me to my limits in different ways–testing my resolve, determination, endurance, and persistence–but none of them qualify as “the scariest thing I’ve ever done.” The answer to your question, Aleta, is this…

Without a doubt, the scariest thing I’ve ever done is admitting my secret dream of being a writer to myself and others.

I’ve held onto this dream for years, keeping it so hidden that I wasn’t even consciously aware of it. Recognizing and “owning” my dream, admitting the truth to myself and to others, was the most frightening and humbling experiences of my life. I know that I want to be a writer. My friends and family know that I want to be a writer. The Internet knows I want to be a writer. There’s nowhere left to hide. If I don’t move toward this goal, people are going to ask me why and hold me accountable. I can no longer pretend that I’m satisfied with merely getting through the day.

And you know what? I’m actually doing it now. I’ve stopped thinking about it and daydreaming about it, and started talking about it and doing it. Even though I’m on the path, it’s still terrifying. What if I fail? What if I’m not good enough? What if I give up? What if, what if, what if…

The flip side of the fear, however, is the reward. I write pretty much every day for Semi-Charmed Wife. My articles have been picked up in online magazines and featured on other websites. I’m working on an e-book compilation of the best posts from this site. I’m writing short stories and working on a novel.

I am a writer, and that feels INCREDIBLE!