But back to my point…

I’m going to take the positivity challenge! Would you like to play along?

Here’s what it entails… For one full week, we will try to focus on the positive. When we encounter an obstacle or difficulty, we’ll try to see the silver lining. (Note: This is different from pretending that everything is wonderful when it is clearly not. It’s the difference between “I have a cold–it’s so unfair that I feel like crap” and “I have a cold, but hey–I get to stay home from work and watch Dr. Phil!”)

We’ll focus on what we can learn or gain from a potentially negative situation rather than the inconvenience or discomfort it may cause. The idea is that, by the end of the week, we will begin to experience the amazing benefits of positive thinking and will be on our way to building a permanent positivity habit!

The creator of the positivity challenge has three recommendations to get us through the week: 

1. Cut the negative threads quickly. Only allow yourself to go on a negative thread of thought for a set time-period, perhaps 30 seconds or a minute. Then just cut it off, drop it and think about what positive things you can get out of this situation. Don´t feed the negative thoughts with more energy or you might trap your mind in a downward spiral for quite a while. If you start going down a negative thread of thought it is important to cut it fast.
2. Realize that it is possible to choose what you think about and how you react. You don´t have live your life in reaction. Being reactive to everything is not very empowering. You have a choice. But it might take some time to make this click in your mind…
3. Focus on the gap between stimuli and reaction. The more you think about this and try to use it by consciously choosing, over time (for me, it was months, but it can surely be achieved quicker) the gap will appear larger and larger and that will make the process easier.

Here’s wishing all of you a happy (and POSITIVE) holiday weekend!

It seems that many of you are frustrated because you not only feel like you’re not living the life you’re supposed to lead, but you also don’t have a clue as to what that life might be. I share your frustration. I have some ideas about what the life I’m supposed to lead might include–teaching, writing, helping people, broadcasting my “you can do it!” message–but I don’t know exactly what that life looks like. It’s like I can see the fuzzy outline of it, but I can’t make out any of the details. Argh! How am I supposed to make it happen if I can’t see what “it” is??

This whole inner dialogue made me realize that it’s really important to have a dream. Daydreaming might not strike you as a personal/career development exercise, but it is. It helps us identify what’s important to us, what’s missing from our lives, what we’d like to change, who we’d like to be, what we’d like to do, etc. Daydreaming will help you build a detailed picture of the life you’re supposed to lead which will, in turn, help you identify actions you can take to get there.

Take a few minutes some time today and let yourself daydream about your perfect life. What are you doing? Where do you live? Who are you with (personally and professionally)? Where do you work? (For example, in my personal daydream, I see my husband and I owning a REAL HOUSE–not a condo–with a yard. I work from home on this website and other writing projects, including a book. You get the idea.) Let your imagination run wild, and see where it takes you.

What is your dream? Are there any actions you can take to support it?

I also suspect that The Secret will encourage and implicitly grant permission to some people to think/dream rather than do/act (which was the focus of my first post on the topic), and I believe that’s destructive. How many people will spend (or have already spent) hundreds of hours going through magazines to find vision board pictures when they could be using those hours to actually do something in support of their goal? Vision boards and affirmations are wonderful, but they need to be accompanied by real-world actions.

That said, however, I do believe that our intentions are very powerful. For example, if I sit down to write a story or a blog post but my heart just isn’t in it (if I’d rather be running or reading or relaxing than writing), then I’m not fully committed to what I’m doing and the result will be less than optimal. But if I sit down with the strong, pure intention of writing something great, the process seems so effortless. The trick seems to be in getting myself to a place where I fully commit to an activity on all levels–mental, emotional, and spiritual.

In an absolutely superb article about intention-manifestation, Steve Pavlina writes:

If you want to achieve a goal you’ve set, the most crucial part is to DECIDE to manifest it… If you don’t understand this simple step, then you will waste a lot of time. Step 1 is to decide. Not to ruminate or to ponder or to ask around and see whether or not you can do it…

Time and again I’ve seen evidence that not only people, but the universe itself, can sense a lack of commitment to a goal… If your consciousness is divided against itself, do you think it will commit all its internal resources to your goal? Will your subconscious give you all the energy and creativity it possibly could, or will it hold back?… The universe itself works on the same principle. Think of it as the superconscious mind. When you’ve made a clear, committed decision, it will open the universal floodgates, bringing you all the resources you need, sometimes in seemingly mysterious or impossible ways.

Whenever you want to set a new goal for yourself, start by setting it. Take the time to become clear about what you want, but then just declare it. Say to the universe, “Here is the goal. Make it so.”

I re-read this article a few days ago, and it really struck a chord with me. I decided that I’d like to try a little intention-manifestation experiment, and I’d love for all of you to play along with me. Here’s how to participate:

• Find a place to be alone. (You’ll need a pencil and a piece of paper.) Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and relax.
• Ask your Self what you’d like to achieve/manifest by July 31.
• Open your eyes and start writing ideas as they come to you.
• Once you have a few possibilities, select the one that you feel most passionately about. It also needs to be something you can truly believe in. (e.g., If your goal is to manifest $1 million and you can truly and without doubt believe it will happen, then go for it! If you have doubts, revise the goal until you believe in it.)
• Write a specfic goal statement, which ends with “Make it so!”.
• Read the statement out loud with as much feeling and conviction as you can muster. Feel that mental “click” as you DECIDE to achieve your goal.
• Leave a comment or send me an email to let me know that you’re participating (you don’t have to disclose your goal).
• Be on the watch throughout the month of July for the manifestation of your goal. It may not appear in the form you’re expecting!
• Report back and let us know how you did!

Here’s mine:

“My goal is to secure a paid writing assignment unrelated to my full-time job by July 31, 2008. Make it so!”

Are you playing along?

“Are you in love with him?” I asked.

“What?” she said, surprised. “No! God, no. I’m just…”

“Hurt?” I guessed.

“No,” she said. “Actually, I appreciate his honesty. We both knew it wasn’t going anywhere, and one of us was going to have to end it at some point.”

“So what’s upsetting you?”

“I just feel like this is not my life. This is not the life I’m supposed to lead. I’m not who I’m supposed to be, and I’m not doing what I’m supposed to do.”

My friend, like me, is a defense contractor. She feels like she’s treading water, a tiny cog in the unimaginably huge machinery of the federal government. She feels like what she does all day doesn’t mean anything, like nothing would change at all if she just stopped doing work (and I know exactly how she feels!). The end of this relationship was a wake-up call for her.

I asked her a few questions to try and get at what it is she feels she should be doing. After talking for a while, she came to the realization that she’s very drawn to disaster relief and the first responder community. This is something she’s always known deep down but had never admitted to herself because it doesn’t match her education and work experience. We came up with a list of options for her to investigate, and by the time I left last night, she was totally renewed and invigorated about the world of possibilities that had opened up before her.

It felt great to know that I had been able to help and support her as she tackled The Question (a/k/a, “What am I supposed to do with my life?”). More than that, it re-energized me in my pursuit of my own life’s purpose. I came up with my own plan to contact some people I know who teach in the DC school system and to begin preparing for the PRAXIS.

Are you living the life you’re supposed to lead? If not, what do you plan to do about it? I’d be happy to support you in your journey however I can!

I’m a bit crampy and a lot headachey, and I’m officially taking a day off from serious, topical posts. I still feel like writing something though, so I’m shamelessly borrowing Zandria’s Random Friday idea. Enjoy!

1. My husband and I are getting together with friends tonight and cooking Mexican food. I’m in charge of bringing beer, guacamole, and fish tacos. True story: I thought that “fish taco” was a euphemism for female anatomy until I was in my late 20s. I blame the Navy.
2. We’re going to see Wanted, the new Angie Jo/James McAvoy flick tomorrow. It sounds like it’s right up my alley. In my opinion, a good movie contains (1) multiple car chases; (2) physics-defying special effects; and (3) at least one explosion. I like my movies loud and improbable. My least favorite movies are (1) chick flicks; (2) anything with Meg Ryan and/or Nicholas Cage–they both inexplicably annoy the bejesus out of me; and (3) sad and/or “heartwarming” movies (I cry at the drop of a hat as it is–I don’t need any additional provocation. This heart is warm enough, thankyouverymuch).
3. I love love LOVE my personal trainer, Donald. He’s not intimidating. He pushes me without being mean. He understands that running always has and always will come first to me and designs my workouts accordingly. I got so lucky when the gym assigned him to me!
4. I was a smoker through my late teens and early twenties. (I was in the Navy and everyone smoked. I figured that I might as well smoke because at least I’d have a filter in my mouth. The logic of a 19-year old.) I still smoke 3-4 cigarettes per week–psychological need more than physical at this point, but NO MORE. I am casting off the chains of oppression and going totally smoke-free. Viva clean lungs!
5. It’s 9:49am as I write this, and I am STARVING. Is it too early for lunch?

What random tidbits are on your mind today?

I’m doing everything right this time around. I’m following a training program and being careful not to overdo it. After years of avoiding strength training like the plague, I’m taking personal training sessions, which will strengthen my hamstrings (which are my most injury-prone area) and keep me from getting hurt. I’m eating well and getting plenty of rest. I’m drinking water like it’s going out of style.

Oh, and I’m doing regular visualization exercises.

That’s right. Every single time I go for a run, I imagine myself running the last few miles of the marathon. (I’ve seen the MCM a couple of times, so I’m familiar with the course which makes this fairly easy to do.) I imagine the crowds of people lining the course. I picture my husband, my parents, and my sister screaming my name as I run by. I visualize myself running across that finish line, feeling the elation I’ll experience when I achieve this lifetime goal. Visualizing that moment gives me a huge surge of joy and energy and gets me through the longest of long runs.

Interestingly enough, visualization also strengthens muscle memory. I read an article (which, naturally, I can’t find now) about a tennis player who was injured and out of the game for a few months. As he was recuperating, he engaged in hours of “mental practice” every day–the same amount of time he’d dedicated to physical practice. When he was finally permitted to return to the court, his doctors were amazed to find that he was playing at 90% of his peak performance level. Amazing!

I’m sure you’ve all heard the old chestnut, “If you can believe it, you can achieve it.” And maybe you’ve also heard “I’ll believe it when I see it.” If you put all that together, you get this: If you can see [visualize] it, you’ll believe it; and if you believe it, you’ll achieve it. It makes sense, doesn’t it? I mean, if you can’t even imagine yourself achieving your goal, how will you ever have the drive, self-confidence, perseverance, and motivation to cross that finish line?

Do you have a visualization success story?

But we all have those days, don’t we? You know the ones–when you’re PMSing and it’s raining outside and you just don’t feel like running. Or when the baby kept you up all night and you argued with your husband and your heart’s just not in studying for the MCAT. Or when you decide to eat lunch out for the eleventh day in a row (even though that money could be paying down the Visa) because it’s just so much work to pack one.

I’ve been having more than my share of those days lately, and I’m looking for more ideas of how to keep myself motivated. I’d like to build up a motivational “toolkit” that I can draw upon when I’ve got a case of the blahs.

Here’s a list of things that motivate me now:

• Music. When I hear “Eye of the Tiger”, I can’t help but feel pumped up.
• Accountability. Knowing that I will post about any disordered eating struggles is a big motivator for me to stay on the healthy path!
• Having someone depend on me. If I commit to meet a friend at the gym, I can’t stand the thought of being late or cancelling. I’ll get there no matter what!
• Quotes. Like this one… “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” (Winston Churchill)
• Success stories. I love to hear stories about people who’ve beaten the odds and overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles to achieve their goals.
• Rewards. Knowing that I’ll get something special for meeting a goal gives me something to work for and look forward to.

What do you recommend? What really gets you going?

My DC

Age: 30.

Occupation: Defense contractor.

I’ve lived here for: Five years.

I live here because: I wanted to study international security and work for the U.S. government, and this is kind of the best place to do that.

My neighborhood: Capitol Hill.

My favorite restaurant: Granville Moore’s. The chef is a friend of mine & he’s going to be on Throwdown with Bobby Flay on July 8. Check it out on the Food Network!

If you go to this restaurant, be sure to order: The blue cheese & bacon mussels and fries. Best. Fries. EVER.

My favorite museum: The Smithsonian Institution National Museum of Natural History.

My favorite tourist destination: The National Zoo.

Best insider spot: H Street.

My favorite area: Eastern Market.

Best place to go shopping: Georgetown. There are a ton of shops and restaurants–it’s a great way to spend an afternoon.

When you visit, don’t forget to pack: Comfortable shoes. With all the museums and shopping, you’ll be on your feet a lot!

But leave room in your suitcase for: Cheesy DC tourist items like “Friends Don’t Let Friends Vote Republican” T-shirts and CIA hats.

The one local cuisine you should try when you’re in town is: Ethiopian food. Seriously–it’s everywhere and it’s awesome.

The best way to get around: Metro or walking.

If I had to describe this city in one word, it would be: Intense. The politics are intense. The heat/humidity is intense (if you can help it, avoid DC in July & August). The tourist crowds are intense. The traffic is absolutely INSANE.

I tell my friends to stay at: The Phoenix Park Hotel. It’s about a 15-minute walk from my apartment, and it’s right by Union Station which has Metro, buses, and Amtrak.

The one thing most outsiders don’t know about this city is: Almost no one is actually from here, and the population is turning over all the time due to people who work on the Hill, military folks, and college students. Pretty much everyone I know moved here in the last 5 years and won’t still be here in 5 years.

They say “Virginia is for lovers.” So fill in the blank: DC is for career-driven people. In New Orleans, they ask you what you drink. In Boston, they ask you who your father is. In DC, the only question is “what do you do?”.

Janssen’s addition: What do you want to do that you haven’t done in your city yet? Go to the National Archives to see the Constitution. I can’t believe I haven’t found time for that in FIVE YEARS.

After some reflection (and after some great advice & insight from you), I think my mini-backslide was caused primarily by two things. The first is alcohol. As many of you pointed out, it lowers inhibitions, diminishes judgment, and screws up blood sugar. It put me in a chemical state that was more conducive to both disordered eating AND disordered thinking. I’m done with that, thankyouverymuch. No more booze for me.

The second factor was one that I didn’t recognize until Kelli and VeryBadCat pointed it out to me. I’ve been working on releasing my “Fighter” label, which entails undoing about 30 years of internal conditioning. As perverse as it sounds, I get anxious when things are too easy. Could it be that I created a little battle for myself to fight and win? Maybe that’s why I didn’t learn from Friday night and repeated the same behavior on Saturday?

Anyway, thanks to all of you for your comments and emails. I’m feeling so much better! Usually, I’d say that I’m ready to get back in the fight, but in the spirit of change, I’ll say that I’m at peace with who and where I am and I’m ready to accept what today has to offer me.

Lately I’ve been feeling like I need to pay more attention to my spiritual life. I devote a lot of time and effort to improving myself mentally, emotionally, and physically. I read voraciously about personal development. I’ve always got a personal improvement project or two (or five) in the works. I’m continually striving to grow and learn and change. But–even though I believe that there is an eternal, spiritual part of me–I do next to nothing for my spiritual self. This was especially evident to me as I struggled through 21 days of meditation.

As I’ve been thinking about this topic, I’ve realized that this is the one subject that is totally off-limits for me and most of my friends. I can talk to the girls about my sex life and my work drama, but not about my thoughts on the existence of the soul. I can initiate debates about abortion and gun control, but I can’t bring myself to ask about belief in God. Maybe it’s just me, but it’s something that feels intensely personal and that I’m very reluctant to share.

So I’m sharing it with the whole Interweb. ‘Cause that makes sense.

Here are the questions with my answers. I’m using the term “God” to mean the Higher Power that you believe in (if you believe in one), whatever you may call that Power. I’m truly interested to see how you feel and what you believe, and you–my regular readers–are the most open-minded, thoughtful people I know! If you feel comfortable enough, please do let me know your answers in the comments (you can even comment under a fake name)…

Do you believe in God?
Yes, but not in the “bearded old man in a white robe taking notes on my sins and transgressions” sort of way. More in the “there’s something bigger than me out there, and it’s a good, benevolent, loving Something” sort of way.

Do you believe that you have an eternal soul?
Yes, I definitely do. I’m reading Sacred Contracts right now (detailed review to come), and the author proposes the idea that each soul enters this world with a specific mission or “contract”–lessons that it must learn, experiences that it must have. That really resonates with me.

Are you a member of a church/religion? If so, what do you believe about your church/religion?
I suppose so. I converted to the Catholic Church in my early 20s, and I still consider myself Catholic-ish. As for what I believe about Catholicism, the best way I can put it is to quote a Hindu priest I met in India. I asked him what he thought of Christianity as a path to the Divine. He said, “It doesn’t matter what color the cow is–the milk is all the same.” That pretty much sums up how I feel about religion–that there are an infinite number of ways to get at the Truth, and they’re all valid ways.

Do you regularly attend religious/spiritual services?
No. I go to Mass sporadically, and I always feel so uplifted when I do, but I haven’t made the effort to make it a regular part of my life.

Do you pray?
Yes, but it’s a “God, please let me not get a speeding ticket” kind of thing, which I’m not sure counts as actual “prayer”. Do I set aside time in which I consciously commune with or talk to God? Sadly, no.

What other religious/spiritual practices do you have? Is there a particularly rewarding practice that you’d like to share?
Yeah, I’ve got nothin’ here…

What religious/spiritual practices would you like to add to your life?
I want to develop a regular meditation practice. I believe that would improve my life in many, many ways. So far, I’ve experienced a great deal of internal resistance with this, which baffles me, but I’m still working on it. (I’m looking for a good beginner guided meditation CD if anyone has recommendations.) I’d also like to pray more in the sense of communing with God and just… feeling the presence of the Eternal. I found my gratitude exercise very rewarding, and I think that would be a great addition to any spiritual practice. And I’d love to get into the habit of giving thanks at meals.

I hope to hear from some of you about your beliefs and practices. I hope I didn’t make anyone hideously uncomfortable or offend anyone (if I did, please know that it was not intentional!). I think we could all benefit from a more open dialogue about this very important but often neglected part of our lives…