Cheerleader assignments went out yesterday! Goooooooooo team!

(And by the way, I think it would be great to have updates from each of teams in a few weeks or so–I’m dying to see how this experiment turns out!)

Now that we’re all paired up, what should we be doing to support each other? How do we get started with our teammates? What’s this whole thing about anyway?

Well… in anticipation of these questions, Semi-Charmed Wife is proud to present the five Bs of All-Star cheerleading. Rah rah rah!

• Be there. Make a special effort to be fully present for your teammate. Give her your undivided attention–even if it’s only for a 30-second email or a 5-minute phone call. Remember, this is for you too. You’ll get out of it exactly what you put into it. If you’re a super busy career woman, write appointments with your teammate on your calendar and treat them like unbreakable engagements. If you’re an overworked SAHM, devote five minutes before the kids wake up or after they go to bed to connecting with your teammate.
• Be proactive. Don’t wait for your teammate to contact you–check in with her on a regular basis. Maybe you haven’t heard from her for a few days, but it could be because she’s in a really tough spot and needs some encouragement. Or maybe she’s slipped up and she’s embarrassed. Or maybe she’s dealing with a family crisis. Or… well, you see what I mean. Check in on your partner on a regular basis. And don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help when you need it. Your teammate is there to catch you if you fall!
• Be a good listener. Sometimes we just need to vent, don’t we? This was one of the first “issues” my husband and I dealt with. Every time I’d come home from work and talk about a problem, he’d start telling me what I could do to fix it. There is nothing more frustrating to a person who just needs to let off steam than getting a flood of unsolicited advice. (We finally came up with a strategy–I tell him exactly what I want. Works wonders.) When your teammate comes to you with a problem, pay attention to what she says and how she says it. Is she asking for suggestions or input, or is she just venting?
• Be in the booster club. Success can be threatening. Imagine that you and your teammate are both working on weight loss. She loses ten pounds and you gain six. Can you still be happy for her? Of course you can! You provided valuable support and contributed to her success. It feels good to celebrate victories–even if they’re not yours. And every goal your teammate reaches is just proof that the battle can be won!
• Be honest about your limitations. This is soooo important. If all you can commit to is one short email per week, be up front about it. There’s nothing wrong with setting boundaries. It’s far better to clearly establish your limits early on rather than set expectations too high and be unable to follow through.

Do you have any tips on how to be a good cheerleader–especially any of you who are participating in the cheerleader project?

No, not this kind:

I’m talking about someone who is consistently encouraging and supportive as you pursue your goals. Goooooooooo Jen!

Not everyone in your life will be happy for you as you begin to succeed. If you’re working on weight loss, your partner may feel threatened and insecure. He or she might unconsciously (or even worse, consciously) sabotage your efforts by stocking the house with your favorite foods because keeping you where you are is safe. Your best friend, who is also overweight, might feel pushed aside as you replace dinners out with her with trips to the gym. She might treat your weight loss efforts with disdain or tempt you with trips to your favorite haunt (hello, Cold Stone Creamery). Neither of these people mean you actual harm; they just have issues of their own that are raised by your success.

So where can you find your own personal cheerleader?

• Support groups. Going back to our weight loss example, you could probably find great cheerleaders at an Overeaters Anonymous meeting or in programs like Weight Watchers, Weigh Down, or TOPS.
• Online forums. These virtual support groups are just as good as the real thing. No matter what your goal, I guarantee you’ll have no problem finding an online forum that matches your needs.
• Blogs. Start a website and blog about your goal. I’ve received so many supportive comments and emails, as well as tons of great advice from my readers. Blogging can also be very therapeutic.
• Coaches. Coaches are there to help you set direction and to provide support and encouragement along the way. I happen to know a great one if you’re looking…
• Friends/family. You want to be very careful with this category for the reasons I mentioned above. Of course, your husband or your best friend wants to want to help you, but there may be underlying issues that will affect their ability to be 100% supportive. If you go this route, I suggest being very clear about what you’re looking for (e.g., “I’m going to call you once a week and tell you how I’m doing with my workouts. I need you to congratulate me when I do well and encourage me not to give up when I’m struggling.”)
• Right here!

Let me explain a little bit more about that last one… As I mentioned before, my readers are frickin’ awesome! Every day, one of you teaches me something, inspires me, and/or motivates me to keep going when things get tough. I’d like to spread the love. I think it would be really cool to do a cheerleader matchmaking exercise.

If you’d like to be set up with a cheerleader, email me or leave a comment here. Tell me generally what goal(s) you’re working on, and I’ll try to pair you up with someone else who’s focused on the same area (my ability to do that will, of course, depend on how many responses I get for each type of goal). I’ll put you in contact with your match, and the two of you can cheer each other on toward the finish line! You could take turns calling each other once a week to check in. You could send a daily or weekly email with your action plan and a few inspiring quotes, articles, or pictures. You could pledge to get rewards for each other for achieving goals. If you happen to live in the same area, you could even meet in person to strategize.

I don’t know what the interest level would be for something like this (I’ll definitely be participating!!), but I’m hoping that at least a few people will want to play along. Who knows, you could make a lifelong friend!

Everyone have a FABULOUS weekend!

Don’t forget to stop by the Forums and post your goal for this week. It’s a great way to hold yourself accountable and get some much-needed support and encouragement. Your goal can be anything from cleaning the house to finishing a craft project to studying for the GRE to losing a pound. Choose something you’d like to accomlish this week and join us as we work together to reach our goals!

I’ve seen a few blog posts lately (here’s one example) about how difficult it is to find your purpose. What is my passion? Why am I here? What am I supposed to do with my life? These questions, which are part and parcel of–but by no means limited to–the quarter-life crisis phenomenon, can torment a person into a tailspin. I’ve seen many of my friends (and myself) downward spiral into pointless jobs, bad decisions, and emotional misery–all because of questions like these.

Strangely enough, I’ve found that one technique that worked for me was asking more questions. Here’s a list of questions that were helpful for me in figuring out what I want to do with my life. Hopefully, they’ll be of help to you as well!

1. What did I like doing as a child? I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but one of the best ways to find your true passion is to look back to your childhood, before your dreams were tainted by notions of what you “should” do. I loved playing make-believe. I made up stories about my imaginary friends and the adventures we had together. That could have revealed a passion for writing, acting, directing, or any number of creative pursuits. The interpretation is up to you.
2. What makes me cry? Do you tear up when you see commercials about the National Guard? Maybe the idea of protecting others appeals to you. You might be a great policeman, firefighter, FBI agent, or children’s advocate. Does watching the Biggest Loser reduce you to a sniveling mess? You might want to help others get healthy–perhaps as a doctor, nutritionist, or physical trainer.
3. What do I hate about my current job? Ah, this one is interesting. My least favorite part of my current job is drafting and revising documents for my client. Hmmm… but don’t you want to be a writer, you say? YES. That’s why it KILLS me to spend all day writing stuff I don’t really care about. The things you hate may give you a clue as to what you love.
4. What do I do for fun? Do you watch TV or movies? What kind? Are they all comedies? Thrillers? Is there a common theme? What’s your favorite book? Why? Do you love risky past-times like rock-climbing and motorcross? “Organized” hobbies like stamp or coin collecting? All of these things can be clues to what you’re on this earth to do.
5. What are you really good at? This one is tricky. I’m good at math, but it’s not related to my purpose. I’m also good at writing, and that IS related to my purpose. Your skills and abilities may not exactly match up with your purpose, but there will be some overlap.

Be sure to visit the “What’s my purpose?” group in the forums to discuss your specific questions with me and with other readers. Feedback from others can provide interesting insights…

Have a great weekend!

This post was included in Frugal Dad’s weekly roundup and the Carnival of Life Worth Living and was featured in the Wisdom Journal–stop by and check out the other great posts!

Did you enjoy this article? Digg it!

What a difference a few days can make! The past couple of weeks have been so stressful and frustrating. I’ve been struggling to maintain my emotional equilibrium and keep my head above water. At the beginning of this week, I felt so trapped and helpless. I didn’t like how things were going and I was angry about it. I was spending a lot of time complaining and indulging in self-pity. All I could think about was how miserable I was.

Then, I wrote this post. I don’t know exactly what happened, but writing that post and implementing those strategies snapped me out of my funk. Ever since, I’ve felt strong and positive and in control. The circumstances of my life haven’t changed (except that my husband is home from his business trip)–my job is still stressful, I still struggle with technical issues on my website, I still feel overbooked socially–but my outlook has totally changed. What is this wonderful magic, and how can I make more of it?

Giving up complaining and practicing gratitude have been critical in shifting my mindset. Focusing on the positive things in my life instead of the negatives has just… I don’t know, made me so much more joyful. It’s absolutely amazing how much of an impact this small change has had in only a few days. Recognizing what I can and can’t control has also been instrumental in improving my frame of mind. I had wasted a great deal of time and energy agonizing about things I simply can’t change. No more.

But I think it’s more than that. I think a substantial factor in my successful turnaround has been in achieving goals aligned with my purpose. Yesterday was the final day of my 21-Day Makeover. My goal was to write for at least an hour every day with the intention of creating a strong “writing habit.” I successfully completed that goal, and I’ve got to tell you, it felt great. I felt like I was doing what I was supposed to be doing.

And earlier this week, I created a forum for achieving weekly goals. I set a goal for this week of writing 20 pages of my novel by March 2. I’ve already written 12 pages since Monday–I’m over halfway there. (Interestingly, I also set goals unrelated to my purpose–exercise, for one. I haven’t been nearly as successful there. Coincidence? I think not.)

Achieving goals that are aligned with my purpose has been completely energizing and refreshing. Perhaps the key for me to be successful in other areas is to think about the goal in terms of my purpose. For example, my goal is to exercise for 30 minutes four times a week in order to give me more energy and mental stamina for writing. Hmmm. Something to try with next week’s goals…

Did you like this article? Digg it!