Hop on over to Stephanie Quilao’s Back in Skinny Jeans and check out my guest post!

I had the great pleasure of meeting Stephanie in person at BlogHer 08, and I’m here to tell you that she’s every bit as warm and funny in person as she is online. (Plus, she has absolutely FABULOUS hair and is a phenomenal speaker! Fangirl crush!!)

Thanks, Steph, for the opportunity to share my story!

“I was so busy–I just forgot to eat!”

I always thought that statement was, excuse my British, utter shite. Who can forget about food? The waffley temptations of breakfast. The decadent pastries of the early morning snack. Open-faced sandwiches for lunch. A melty, chocolate chippy afternoon cookie. After ten-plus years of counting every calorie, monitoring every morsel of food, and anxiously awaiting (or painfully avoiding) mealtimes, I couldn’t understand how anyone could just “forget” to eat.

But then it happened to me a few days ago.

I woke up and had a light but healthy breakfast (running late on this of all days, of course), thinking that I’d be having a snack in a few hours. Then I got to work and all hell broke loose. I was in meetings and conference calls from 9:30am until 3:00 with virtually no break. Around 4pm, I was finishing up an email when I heard my stomach growl. That’s when it hit me–I had forgotten to eat. For almost nine hours. For the first time in I don’t know how long, I actually, seriously FORGOT about food.

If you’ve ever suffered through skipping a meal to lose weight, you know how mind-blowing this is for me.

I couldn’t help but suspect that there’s a lesson in this for me. After a few days of reflection, I think the lesson is this: Boredom is really, really, REALLY bad for me.

Pretty much every time I struggle with or (God forbid) give into my disordered eating impulses, I’m sitting at home alone, with nothing to do, feeling kind of bored. Or it’s a really slow day at work and I’m struggling to keep myself occupied. I start to feel restless. I get a mental itch right in the center of my brain. Leisure activities (reading, watching TV, going for a walk) don’t fix it. I need to have something that I have to do–something I choose to do isn’t quite the same.

Does anyone else find this to be true? Does boredom derail you? Are you better off busy, or does being busy produce stress that gets you off track?

Hold on to your knickers, because I have a stunning success to report!

(If you’ve never struggled with disordered eating, you will likely be perplexed and possibly disappointed by this success story. Just take my word for it–it’s HUGE!)

For the past four or five days, I have been viewing food as (are you ready for this?)… FUEL.

Amazing, right?!?!?

It all started with my personal trainer (my first session was three weeks ago), who asked me to write down everything I’ve been eating in order to track my protein intake. I complied, and we discovered that (as he suspected) it was abysmally low. He encouraged me to start adding more protein into my diet. Countless protein shakes later, I was getting more than enough of the good stuff to build and maintain muscle–something that is particularly difficult for endurance athletes (i.e., marathon runners) and ectomorphs (i.e., long, gangly people like yours truly).

All was going well until I discovered that protein kills–absolutely murders–my appetite. I was eating solely to ensure that I got enough protein. (I know!!!) Unfortunately, something else that high-mileage runners need is CARBS, and being stuffed with lean ground beef and protein shakes, it was incredibly difficult for me to force anything else down.

Then, a few days ago, I hit The Wall. Any of you who have ever worked out really hard for a sustained period of time know what I’m talking about. The dreaded Wall. I was out for a short, easy run and all of a sudden, I just could not take another step. I was shuffling along at a pace a full minute-per-mile slower than when I started training several months ago. I felt totally drained. I was overwhelmed by exhaustion for the next 24 hours. I was experiencing, so my trainer tells me, glycogen depletion. Why? Because I need more carbs!!

I began to look at my diet in an entirely different way–not in terms of calories and weight loss, but in terms of getting both the energy (carbs) I need for running and the protein my body requires to build and maintain muscle. It completely altered my approach to food and eating. I’ve been eating based not on what my mouth wants (or what my emotions tell me that my mouth wants), but on what my body needs. And–this is the best part–I haven’t minded it at all!

How can I make this permanent?

Every year, my family (dad’s side) has a huge July 4th cookout at my parents’ house. The whole family attends, and with seven siblings (who produced 15 grandchildren and 26 great-grandchildren), it’s quite a sizable crowd. There is always great food, fireworks, gallons of beer, a gang of screaming kids, and a lot of laughter. I love these gatherings, but they have a tendency to press my mental rewind button and transport me back in time to the attitudes and beliefs of my childhood–for better or for worse.

Most of our deep-seated, unconscious beliefs about the way the world works are internalized early in childhood. Unfortunately, these beliefs often reflect the fears and anxieties of our parents. (This is the thing that terrifies me the most about having and raising children–that I will pass along my issues like some kind of hereditary disorder.) For example, a single mother whose husband left her during pregnancy may unintentionally pass along to her daughter the belief that men are unreliable and cannot be trusted. As you might imagine, this belief could cause the daughter to have serious difficulties in relationships when she is older. The worst part is that she may not even know why–the belief may be buried so deeply that she isn’t even aware of it.

Identifying these beliefs requires a great deal of introspection and self-awareness. (Therapy is really helpful here.) It can be incredibly difficult to recognize one of these beliefs at work in your life, and even harder to admit it to yourself and others–we tend to be deeply defensive about issues governed by childhood beliefs and attitudes. A good way to start is to search for patterns in your life in the areas of Romantic Relationships, Friendships, Money, Career, and Addiction (which could include overspending, eating disorders, gambling, drinking, using drugs, compulsive sexual activity, or any other behavior you have a difficult time controlling).

Here are a few limiting beliefs I’ve identified:

1. If I’m perfect, everyone will love me and my life will be peaceful and happy. If I’m not perfect, I’m a bad person who lets everyone down and no one will love me.
2. Food is a treat for when I’ve been good. It can also make me feel better when I’m sad or angry.
3. I can’t handle my life without something to take the edge off.
4. There will never be enough money, and you have to work really, really hard for the little you have.
5. Marriage is a sacrifice you make for your children. It’s supposed to be hard.
6. Gaining weight means my life is out of control. Losing weight means that I’m strong-willed and in control.

When we mature into adulthood, we may be able to logically understand that these beliefs are not correct, but it takes a lot of work to change them. One method I’ve used with some success (and written about before) is affirmations. The way it works is that you write a positive affirmation to counteract each limiting belief you identify. In situations where that belief usually operates, you repeat the affirmation (out loud, if you can).

My counteracting affirmations for the beliefs above would be:

1. The people in my life love and appreciate me for who I am.
2. (a) Food is for the nourishment of my body. (b) I confront and acknowledge my emotions, and I express them in healthy ways.
3. I am strong and capable, just as I am.
4. (a) There will always be enough money. (b) Money comes to me easily and effortlessly.
5. Marriage is a joy and a blessing.
6. I am so much more than my body.

What beliefs from your childhood still work in your life in negative ways?

Regardless of where we are in life, we all have goals. A college student might want to get an A on her psych final. A young professional might want to pay off her credit card or get a promotion. A fitness buff might want to finish a triathlon or complete the 100 pushup challenge. Purpose-driven goals might include writing a book or starting your own business. Most of us have a running list (mental or written) of things we want to accomplish, and we’re slowly but surely working toward achieving those goals.

But we all have those days, don’t we? You know the ones–when you’re PMSing and it’s raining outside and you just don’t feel like running. Or when the baby kept you up all night and you argued with your husband and your heart’s just not in studying for the MCAT. Or when you decide to eat lunch out for the eleventh day in a row (even though that money could be paying down the Visa) because it’s just so much work to pack one.

I’ve been having more than my share of those days lately, and I’m looking for more ideas of how to keep myself motivated. I’d like to build up a motivational “toolkit” that I can draw upon when I’ve got a case of the blahs.

Here’s a list of things that motivate me now:

• Music. When I hear “Eye of the Tiger”, I can’t help but feel pumped up.
• Accountability. Knowing that I will post about any disordered eating struggles is a big motivator for me to stay on the healthy path!
• Having someone depend on me. If I commit to meet a friend at the gym, I can’t stand the thought of being late or cancelling. I’ll get there no matter what!
• Quotes. Like this one… “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” (Winston Churchill)
• Success stories. I love to hear stories about people who’ve beaten the odds and overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles to achieve their goals.
• Rewards. Knowing that I’ll get something special for meeting a goal gives me something to work for and look forward to.

What do you recommend? What really gets you going?