I’m back in DC after a wonderful trip to San Francisco for BlogHer 08. (I’ll be posting some pictures and writing more generally about the trip later.) You can visit the BlogHer website and read live blogs of all the conference sessions if you’re interested. I highly urge you to attend one the conferences or ReachOut tour dates (I’m planning to go to the DC ReachOut) if you have the chance–they’re worth every penny. I had an amazing time and learned so much, but it’s great to be home!

As you probably saw on the site over the past few days, I was an official live blogger for three conference sessions, one of which was “Building Traffic via Content and Community“. The session was incredibly informative and thought-provoking, and I wanted to talk a bit more about it today. One of the first questions the moderator (Elise of Simply Recipes) posed to the audience was “Why do you blog?”

Er.

Um.

Because everyone else is doing it?

Seriously–I don’t know about you, but I had never asked myself that question before. I’ve given a great deal of thought to what I blog ABOUT (personal development, career, finding your purpose, body image and disordered eating), to the kind of message I want to communicate to my readers (you can do it!), to the way my website looks (snazzy new redesign), but I had never asked myself why I’m blogging in the first place.
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Getting to know all about me
Getting to like me
Getting to hope you like me

OK, so that’s not exactly how the song goes, but it’s a great lead-in to today’s topic: getting to know yourself.

I’ve mentioned before that I have many friends (this group includes me) mired in the dreaded quarter-life crisis or spinning their proverbial wheels trying to figure out their purpose in life–or at least what they should be doing to bring home the bacon! In my opinion, part of the reason this process–finding our message and medium–is so difficult for us is that we haven’t spent a lot of time getting to know our Selves. (Note the use of the capital S.) Not our personality of the moment (rebel, fighter, etc.), not our various roles (wife, mother, sister, daughter), but our true inner Selves.

Sounds great, right? So how do you do it? How do you cut through all the surface bullsh*t (’scuse my French) and get to the Real You?

Yeah, I don’t know either.

BUT I have some ideas that I’m currently working with, and I’d love to hear your suggestions as well. Here’s what I’ve been doing:

• Hit the brakes. Introspection requires time and focus–it’s not something that can be tacked on to your to-do list to tackle over a long lunch. Make a habit of setting aside time to spend with You. (A single mom I work with does this every night during her bath–her kids know not to bother her unless someone is bleeding or the house is on fire.)
• Focus on NOW. I read somewhere that 75% of the average person’s thoughts are focused on the past (who you were) or future (who you might become) rather than present (who you are). You are not your past. You are not your expectations of the future. You just ARE.
• Ask questions. What do I love? What excites me? What activities are fun for me? What would I do if I had all the money in the world? What is my mission? What are my hopes?
• Then flip them around. (I’ve been doing this as part of the journal I’m keeping for 30 days for my 101 things. I’ve learned some pretty interesting things about myself.) What do I hate? What bores me? What activities are excruciating for me? What would I do if I were broke and homeless? What is distracting me from my mission? What are my fears?
• Find your points of resistance. Do you keep putting off finishing your degree? Why? What are you getting out of the delay? Do you avoid exercise even though you intellectually want to do it? Why? How does that serve you? Would you like to go to therapy but just can’t make yourself pick up the phone and make an appointment? Why?
• Keep a journal. Oh, how I wish I’d been a diligent journal keeper when I was younger. How enlightening would it be to go back and look for constant themes throughout my life, to see how I’ve changed and how I’ve stayed the same? But it’s not too late–you can start right now!
• Look at the people around you. Do you gravitate toward strong-willed, opinionated people? Shy, reserved people? Funny people? Angry people? What do you get out of those relationships?

Do you feel like you know your true Self? If so, how did you get there? Do you have any suggestions to add to the list?

As I’ve posted before, I’m not entirely convinced by The Secret and the Law of Attraction. I find it difficult to believe that all diseases and hardships are the result of our own thinking. Did a rape victim attract that crime? Did a newborn with a heart defect attract that condition? Did the people of the Sudan attract the war in Darfur? I don’t think so. I’m sorry, I just don’t.

I also suspect that The Secret will encourage and implicitly grant permission to some people to think/dream rather than do/act (which was the focus of my first post on the topic), and I believe that’s destructive. How many people will spend (or have already spent) hundreds of hours going through magazines to find vision board pictures when they could be using those hours to actually do something in support of their goal? Vision boards and affirmations are wonderful, but they need to be accompanied by real-world actions.

That said, however, I do believe that our intentions are very powerful. For example, if I sit down to write a story or a blog post but my heart just isn’t in it (if I’d rather be running or reading or relaxing than writing), then I’m not fully committed to what I’m doing and the result will be less than optimal. But if I sit down with the strong, pure intention of writing something great, the process seems so effortless. The trick seems to be in getting myself to a place where I fully commit to an activity on all levels–mental, emotional, and spiritual.

In an absolutely superb article about intention-manifestation, Steve Pavlina writes:

If you want to achieve a goal you’ve set, the most crucial part is to DECIDE to manifest it… If you don’t understand this simple step, then you will waste a lot of time. Step 1 is to decide. Not to ruminate or to ponder or to ask around and see whether or not you can do it…

Time and again I’ve seen evidence that not only people, but the universe itself, can sense a lack of commitment to a goal… If your consciousness is divided against itself, do you think it will commit all its internal resources to your goal? Will your subconscious give you all the energy and creativity it possibly could, or will it hold back?… The universe itself works on the same principle. Think of it as the superconscious mind. When you’ve made a clear, committed decision, it will open the universal floodgates, bringing you all the resources you need, sometimes in seemingly mysterious or impossible ways.

Whenever you want to set a new goal for yourself, start by setting it. Take the time to become clear about what you want, but then just declare it. Say to the universe, “Here is the goal. Make it so.”

I re-read this article a few days ago, and it really struck a chord with me. I decided that I’d like to try a little intention-manifestation experiment, and I’d love for all of you to play along with me. Here’s how to participate:

• Find a place to be alone. (You’ll need a pencil and a piece of paper.) Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and relax.
• Ask your Self what you’d like to achieve/manifest by July 31.
• Open your eyes and start writing ideas as they come to you.
• Once you have a few possibilities, select the one that you feel most passionately about. It also needs to be something you can truly believe in. (e.g., If your goal is to manifest $1 million and you can truly and without doubt believe it will happen, then go for it! If you have doubts, revise the goal until you believe in it.)
• Write a specific goal statement, which ends with “Make it so!”.
• Read the statement out loud with as much feeling and conviction as you can muster. Feel that mental “click” as you DECIDE to achieve your goal.
• Leave a comment or send me an email to let me know that you’re participating (you don’t have to disclose your goal).
• Be on the watch throughout the month of July for the manifestation of your goal. It may not appear in the form you’re expecting!
• Report back and let us know how you did!

Here’s mine:

“My goal is to secure a paid writing assignment unrelated to my full-time job by July 31, 2008. Make it so!”

Are you playing along?

Regardless of where we are in life, we all have goals. A college student might want to get an A on her psych final. A young professional might want to pay off her credit card or get a promotion. A fitness buff might want to finish a triathlon or complete the 100 pushup challenge. Purpose-driven goals might include writing a book or starting your own business. Most of us have a running list (mental or written) of things we want to accomplish, and we’re slowly but surely working toward achieving those goals.

But we all have those days, don’t we? You know the ones–when you’re PMSing and it’s raining outside and you just don’t feel like running. Or when the baby kept you up all night and you argued with your husband and your heart’s just not in studying for the MCAT. Or when you decide to eat lunch out for the eleventh day in a row (even though that money could be paying down the Visa) because it’s just so much work to pack one.

I’ve been having more than my share of those days lately, and I’m looking for more ideas of how to keep myself motivated. I’d like to build up a motivational “toolkit” that I can draw upon when I’ve got a case of the blahs.

Here’s a list of things that motivate me now:

• Music. When I hear “Eye of the Tiger”, I can’t help but feel pumped up.
• Accountability. Knowing that I will post about any disordered eating struggles is a big motivator for me to stay on the healthy path!
• Having someone depend on me. If I commit to meet a friend at the gym, I can’t stand the thought of being late or cancelling. I’ll get there no matter what!
• Quotes. Like this one… “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” (Winston Churchill)
• Success stories. I love to hear stories about people who’ve beaten the odds and overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles to achieve their goals.
• Rewards. Knowing that I’ll get something special for meeting a goal gives me something to work for and look forward to.

What do you recommend? What really gets you going?

As you may know, I’m fascinated with religions and spirituality. I spent a year of my undergraduate program studying comparative religion and culture in four countries in Asia. I absolutely loved it, and I wish I had more time now to devote to the subject. Some time along the way, I encountered a spiritual concept called the Four Powers of the Sphinx.

Here’s a brief description from a French occultist named Eliphas Levi:

To attain… the knowledge and power of the Magi, there are four indispensable conditions–an intelligence illuminated by study, an intrepidity which nothing can check, a will which cannot be broken, and a prudence which nothing can corrupt and nothing intoxicate. TO KNOW, TO DARE, TO WILL, TO KEEP SILENCE…

(Don’t ask me why they’re called the Four Powers of the Sphinx–no idea…)

This concept came to mind yesterday when I was writing my post about triggers. I was thinking about my “people” trigger and recalling the reaction of my friend when we were out to dinner and I didn’t overeat. In that instance, I didn’t tell her why I wasn’t joining in the feast. I didn’t explain about my disordered eating. I didn’t tell her I wanted to get to my best running weight. I just politely declined and tried to sidestep the issue. And it worked! That got me thinking about how sometimes silence is the best policy, which reminded me of the quote above.

Now, I don’t know about attaining the “knowledge and power of the Magi”, but what if we converted the Four Powers of the Sphinx to the Four Pillars of Achieving Your Goals? Observe…

1. To know. In order to achieve a goal, you must first know exactly what that goal is. For example, “I want to be wealthy” is not a specific, achievable goal. How do you know when you’ve reached “wealthy”? How do you measure your success–in dollars? Possessions? Personal freedoms? Levi describes this Power as “an intelligence illuminated by study”, so that means you’re going to have to do some work to figure out your goals. You might need to do research, ask questions, contact experts, or take trips to find the information you need. One thing is certain–in order to have a clear goal, you have to precisely define what it is you’re seeking to obtain.
2. To dare. Levi says you must have “an intrepidity which nothing can check”. “Intrepidity” is defined as being fearless or dauntless, which means you have to conquer your fears. Take a hard look at your goal. What would scare you about achieving it? Looking at our example in #1, if you’re wealthy, you have more to lose. You might become a target for unscrupulous people who want a piece of your wealth. You might have to become a workaholic to earn that kind of money, thereby losing your family and friends. You might be seduced by material objects and forget who you are. Figure out the things that scare you about success and address those fears.
3. To will. Are you willing to do whatever it takes to achieve your goal? Are you willing to work hard, potentially to suffer, on the road to success? Will you persevere through the difficult times? Do you have “a will which cannot be broken”? For me, this step is probably the most difficult. I hate to say it, but I’m very easily discouraged. When the going gets tough, sometimes I just get frustrated and quit. The good news is that willpower is inextricably linked to desire and emotions–as they say, you’ve got to want it. You can use techniques like vision boards or other tools to strengthen your desire, which will in turn boost your will.
4. To keep silence. This part is interesting. I’ve talked a lot about the need for a support network, for a personal cheerleader to encourage you through the rough spots, and I still believe that to be true. I firmly believe that having some kind of support system maximizes your chances for success. However, disclosing your goals to other people also opens you up to their issues and their “energy”, for lack of a better word. Let me elaborate…

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