As I’ve posted before, I’m not entirely convinced by The Secret and the Law of Attraction. I find it difficult to believe that all diseases and hardships are the result of our own thinking. Did a rape victim attract that crime? Did a newborn with a heart defect attract that condition? Did the people of the Sudan attract the war in Darfur? I don’t think so. I’m sorry, I just don’t.

I also suspect that The Secret will encourage and implicitly grant permission to some people to think/dream rather than do/act (which was the focus of my first post on the topic), and I believe that’s destructive. How many people will spend (or have already spent) hundreds of hours going through magazines to find vision board pictures when they could be using those hours to actually do something in support of their goal? Vision boards and affirmations are wonderful, but they need to be accompanied by real-world actions.

That said, however, I do believe that our intentions are very powerful. For example, if I sit down to write a story or a blog post but my heart just isn’t in it (if I’d rather be running or reading or relaxing than writing), then I’m not fully committed to what I’m doing and the result will be less than optimal. But if I sit down with the strong, pure intention of writing something great, the process seems so effortless. The trick seems to be in getting myself to a place where I fully commit to an activity on all levels–mental, emotional, and spiritual.

In an absolutely superb article about intention-manifestation, Steve Pavlina writes:

If you want to achieve a goal you’ve set, the most crucial part is to DECIDE to manifest it… If you don’t understand this simple step, then you will waste a lot of time. Step 1 is to decide. Not to ruminate or to ponder or to ask around and see whether or not you can do it…

Time and again I’ve seen evidence that not only people, but the universe itself, can sense a lack of commitment to a goal… If your consciousness is divided against itself, do you think it will commit all its internal resources to your goal? Will your subconscious give you all the energy and creativity it possibly could, or will it hold back?… The universe itself works on the same principle. Think of it as the superconscious mind. When you’ve made a clear, committed decision, it will open the universal floodgates, bringing you all the resources you need, sometimes in seemingly mysterious or impossible ways.

Whenever you want to set a new goal for yourself, start by setting it. Take the time to become clear about what you want, but then just declare it. Say to the universe, “Here is the goal. Make it so.”

I re-read this article a few days ago, and it really struck a chord with me. I decided that I’d like to try a little intention-manifestation experiment, and I’d love for all of you to play along with me. Here’s how to participate:

• Find a place to be alone. (You’ll need a pencil and a piece of paper.) Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and relax.
• Ask your Self what you’d like to achieve/manifest by July 31.
• Open your eyes and start writing ideas as they come to you.
• Once you have a few possibilities, select the one that you feel most passionately about. It also needs to be something you can truly believe in. (e.g., If your goal is to manifest $1 million and you can truly and without doubt believe it will happen, then go for it! If you have doubts, revise the goal until you believe in it.)
• Write a specfic goal statement, which ends with “Make it so!”.
• Read the statement out loud with as much feeling and conviction as you can muster. Feel that mental “click” as you DECIDE to achieve your goal.
• Leave a comment or send me an email to let me know that you’re participating (you don’t have to disclose your goal).
• Be on the watch throughout the month of July for the manifestation of your goal. It may not appear in the form you’re expecting!
• Report back and let us know how you did!

Here’s mine:

“My goal is to secure a paid writing assignment unrelated to my full-time job by July 31, 2008. Make it so!”

Are you playing along?

Regardless of where we are in life, we all have goals. A college student might want to get an A on her psych final. A young professional might want to pay off her credit card or get a promotion. A fitness buff might want to finish a triathlon or complete the 100 pushup challenge. Purpose-driven goals might include writing a book or starting your own business. Most of us have a running list (mental or written) of things we want to accomplish, and we’re slowly but surely working toward achieving those goals.

But we all have those days, don’t we? You know the ones–when you’re PMSing and it’s raining outside and you just don’t feel like running. Or when the baby kept you up all night and you argued with your husband and your heart’s just not in studying for the MCAT. Or when you decide to eat lunch out for the eleventh day in a row (even though that money could be paying down the Visa) because it’s just so much work to pack one.

I’ve been having more than my share of those days lately, and I’m looking for more ideas of how to keep myself motivated. I’d like to build up a motivational “toolkit” that I can draw upon when I’ve got a case of the blahs.

Here’s a list of things that motivate me now:

• Music. When I hear “Eye of the Tiger”, I can’t help but feel pumped up.
• Accountability. Knowing that I will post about any disordered eating struggles is a big motivator for me to stay on the healthy path!
• Having someone depend on me. If I commit to meet a friend at the gym, I can’t stand the thought of being late or cancelling. I’ll get there no matter what!
• Quotes. Like this one… “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” (Winston Churchill)
• Success stories. I love to hear stories about people who’ve beaten the odds and overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles to achieve their goals.
• Rewards. Knowing that I’ll get something special for meeting a goal gives me something to work for and look forward to.

What do you recommend? What really gets you going?

As you may know, I’m fascinated with religions and spirituality. I spent a year of my undergraduate program studying comparative religion and culture in four countries in Asia. I absolutely loved it, and I wish I had more time now to devote to the subject. Some time along the way, I encountered a spiritual concept called the Four Powers of the Sphinx.

Here’s a brief description from a French occultist named Eliphas Levi:

To attain… the knowledge and power of the Magi, there are four indispensable conditions–an intelligence illuminated by study, an intrepidity which nothing can check, a will which cannot be broken, and a prudence which nothing can corrupt and nothing intoxicate. TO KNOW, TO DARE, TO WILL, TO KEEP SILENCE…

(Don’t ask me why they’re called the Four Powers of the Sphinx–no idea…)

This concept came to mind yesterday when I was writing my post about triggers. I was thinking about my “people” trigger and recalling the reaction of my friend when we were out to dinner and I didn’t overeat. In that instance, I didn’t tell her why I wasn’t joining in the feast. I didn’t explain about my disordered eating. I didn’t tell her I wanted to get to my best running weight. I just politely declined and tried to sidestep the issue. And it worked! That got me thinking about how sometimes silence is the best policy, which reminded me of the quote above.

Now, I don’t know about attaining the “knowledge and power of the Magi”, but what if we converted the Four Powers of the Sphinx to the Four Pillars of Achieving Your Goals? Observe…

1. To know. In order to achieve a goal, you must first know exactly what that goal is. For example, “I want to be wealthy” is not a specific, achievable goal. How do you know when you’ve reached “wealthy”? How do you measure your success–in dollars? Possessions? Personal freedoms? Levi describes this Power as “an intelligence illuminated by study”, so that means you’re going to have to do some work to figure out your goals. You might need to do research, ask questions, contact experts, or take trips to find the information you need. One thing is certain–in order to have a clear goal, you have to precisely define what it is you’re seeking to obtain.
2. To dare. Levi says you must have “an intrepidity which nothing can check”. “Intrepidity” is defined as being fearless or dauntless, which means you have to conquer your fears. Take a hard look at your goal. What would scare you about achieving it? Looking at our example in #1, if you’re wealthy, you have more to lose. You might become a target for unscrupulous people who want a piece of your wealth. You might have to become a workaholic to earn that kind of money, thereby losing your family and friends. You might be seduced by material objects and forget who you are. Figure out the things that scare you about success and address those fears.
3. To will. Are you willing to do whatever it takes to achieve your goal? Are you willing to work hard, potentially to suffer, on the road to success? Will you persevere through the difficult times? Do you have “a will which cannot be broken”? For me, this step is probably the most difficult. I hate to say it, but I’m very easily discouraged. When the going gets tough, sometimes I just get frustrated and quit. The good news is that willpower is inextricably linked to desire and emotions–as they say, you’ve got to want it. You can use techniques like vision boards or other tools to strengthen your desire, which will in turn boost your will.
4. To keep silence. This part is interesting. I’ve talked a lot about the need for a support network, for a personal cheerleader to encourage you through the rough spots, and I still believe that to be true. I firmly believe that having some kind of support system maximizes your chances for success. However, disclosing your goals to other people also opens you up to their issues and their “energy”, for lack of a better word. Let me elaborate…

Continue Reading »

As any regular reader knows, we here at Semi-Charmed Wife (and yes, that’s the royal “we”) love to engage in personal development challenges and experiments. From curbing nonessential shopping to waking up early to cutting out alcohol, I’m always looking for a way to be… better. I have a deep fear of resting on my laurels and becoming complacent, of settling for good enough rather than aiming for great, of never reaching my full potential, so I’m always pushing pushing pushing to do more, be better, run faster, eat cleaner, work harder.

My very insightful personal cheerleader recently said in an email that it seems like sometimes I’m trying to prove myself with all of my personal development projects. There’s definitely some truth to that. As I mentioned in a previous post, one of the labels I’ve been wearing for a while is Screwup. I’ve spent most of my adulthood trying to atone for the mistakes of my teenage years. Some of that was healthy and good and some of it was completely over-the-top and self-punishing, but that’s neither here nor there.

The question of the moment for me is when does self-improvement become a negative? When should I be practicing self-acceptance instead?

For example, I hate strength/weight training. Hate it. Compared to the euphoric high and immediate stress relief I get from running, I find strength training to be tedious and, well, boring. So should I force myself to do it as a willpower-building self-improvement exercise, or should I accept that I don’t like it and stick to doing what I love?

Another example: I’m very resistant to meditation, but time and time again, I’ve been told that I need to practice it. I’m allergic to opiates, so my post-surgery pain management doctor suggested that I engage in regular meditation to learn to cope with pain without the benefit of drugs. My former therapist told me that I have a hard time staying focused on one project, and that meditation would help me become more centered. Most recently, Vera’s reading advised me to engage in meditation to help me live more in the now. But I just don’t want to. So should I suck it up and do it anyway, or accept my preferences and look for another way?

Should a shy person accept her personality the way it is, or try to become more outgoing?

Should my husband–who despises all vegetables (no joke, he’ll eat lettuce and that’s about it)–try to eat broccoli and spinach for the health benefits, or should he stick to what he likes and supplement with a multivitamin?

I don’t have the answers to these questions, but I’d be interested to hear your perspective. When is self-improvement healthy, and when would self-acceptance be the better path?

Most of you know that one of my paramount interests is to find and live my true purpose. For some time, I’ve been convinced that my purpose is to write fiction–novels, to be specific. Lately, though, I haven’t been so sure. This neither surprises nor upsets me. Figuring out your purpose is the work of a lifetime. I don’t expect it to be easy, and I don’t expect to get it right the first–or the second or the third–time.

I’m still kind of sorting through this issue, but here’s where I stand…

What I prioritize. There are certain things in my life that I make time for without fail. These include spending time with my husband, socializing with friends and family, running, reading, and–most significantly–updating this blog. Since I started this website, I think I’ve posted at least five times per week. I always look forward to writing for Semi-Charmed Wife, and I get terribly distressed when I can’t post. Interesting, no?

What I avoid. I have to force myself to make time for creative writing. It feels like a chore. I’m pretty good at it and I enjoy it, but I’m not on fire for it. If writing fiction is integral to fulfilling my purpose, shouldn’t I be motivated to do it–not avoiding it like the plague? I thought for a long time that maybe fear of failure might be behind my resistance, but I think it’s deeper than that. I think I avoid it because I’ve proclaimed to the world that it’s my calling, and some part of me knows that isn’t quite right (or maybe it is–I’m still working it out). I’ll probably always write fiction as a hobby, but as of right now, I don’t think it’s my purpose.

What fascinates me. I do a lot of reading–books, blogs, informational websites, newspapers, magazines. If it will hold still and has words on it, chances are that I’ll read it (or at least skim it). When it comes to fiction, I love the sci-fi, fantasy, and supernatural genres. If I had to put my finger on why I love those types of books the best, I’d have to say because they stimulate my imagination. They prompt me to think and dream and imagine and visualize and push at the limits of what’s possible.

In the nonfiction realm, I love (obviously) reading about personal development–finding your purpose, setting goals, growing as a person… anything along those lines. I enjoy reading about different religions and spiritual traditions–probably a legacy of the Comparative Religion and Culture Program I did while studying abroad. I also love reading about the intersection between science and spirituality (check out these articles for examples of what I’m talking about). So overall, my nonfiction reading focuses on personal growth, exploring spirituality and culture, and discovering new ways of thinking.

What frustrates me. I don’t know about you, but when I’m frustrated by something, I get really motivated to change it. It seems logical to me that things that frustrate us about the world, other people, or ourselves could provide insight on our purpose–what we’re here to change. I’m frustrated that so many people–especially people in their 20s and 30s (myself included)–have such a hard time figuring out what to do with their lives. I want to help people find their own path. I’m frustrated that many people have a kind of victim mentality about life. They feel like life “just happens” to them, and they chalk up negative experiences to “just my luck”. I want people to feel empowered and to realize that they–and they alone–are the architects of their own destiny. I’m frustrated that I see so much untapped potential all around me (including in myself). I want people to become enlightened, to see the truth of themselves and to take accountability for growing into the fullness of what and who they can become. It frustrates me to see people come up with reason after reason why they can’t achieve their goals. I want to help people stop making excuses and start living.

What I’m good at. I’m a good writer–writing comes as easily and naturally to me as speaking. I’m also an articulate and comfortable public speaker; unlike many people, I really enjoy speaking to large groups. I’m good at teaching, training, and mentoring, and I think I give pretty sound advice and counsel.

Who I want to reach. I want to reach anyone who’s searching for truth and purpose, any seeker who’s ready to take up the challenge of a lifetime and become the person they were meant to be. I feel especially drawn to helping women in this challenge.

You probably noticed that I bolded and highlighted key words and phrases throughout this post. These words feel important to me. They feel like they’re connected to my purpose, like they’re the key to synthesizing everything I presented in this post into a coherent idea.

I’d love to hear what you think. What comes to mind when you think about what I said? Does a purpose leap out at you? I’d also be happy to take a look at your responses in the above categories and see if I can help you make sense of them.

Have a great weekend!