My first 21-Day Makeover was a smashing success. I successfully developed a daily writing habit–these fingers are just itching to write! I believe that this habit is with me for the duration, which is excellent given that my life goal is to be a full-time writer.

I had a few ideas about what to do for my second 21-Day Makeover, and I was having a difficult time deciding. I thought about getting up early to give myself a block of uninterrupted writing time in the morning. Unfortunately, it’s just not fitting well with my lifestyle and work schedule right now. I think I’d like to keep that as a progressive weekly goal (check out this week’s forum for more).

I had also considered making meditation the subject of my next makeover. But to tell the truth, I just… don’t really want to. Insert important lesson here: Sometimes it’s best not to push yourself too hard when you experience resistance. I want to want to meditate, and I won’t if it’s just another chore to cross off my list. So that one’s out.

Then I saw Stephanie’s Great Walking Experiment and I knew exactly what to do. For the past, oh–I don’t know, SIX MONTHS or so, I’ve had a real resistance to exercising. Me, who has always been a dedicated runner and has competed in more 10ks than I can shake a stick at. I had to have two major surgeries last year, and I just (to be honest) got really pissed at my body. Here I’d eaten right and exercised and done everything you’re supposed to do, and I was having a double masectomy at 29. NOT FAIR.

I have a pretty decent metabolism, so there’s no real compelling reason for me to get off my kiester and move. Except that’s not true. Exercise has always been my primary stress-reliever, and anyone who’s been reading lately knows that this girl has been STRESSED. So, I’m declaring a truce in my passive-aggressive war against my body. Together, we’re going to do this walking thing, and we’re both going to feel much better. On top of the physical benefit, I think it will be very emotionally healing. So… today is Day 1!

Have you been inspired to start a 21-Day Makeover of your own? Tell me about it! And stop by to check out Love is Blonde’s 21-Day home makeover plan and give her some support too! I started a thread in the forums if you’d like to chat, or you can email me or leave a comment here.

What a difference a few days can make! The past couple of weeks have been so stressful and frustrating. I’ve been struggling to maintain my emotional equilibrium and keep my head above water. At the beginning of this week, I felt so trapped and helpless. I didn’t like how things were going and I was angry about it. I was spending a lot of time complaining and indulging in self-pity. All I could think about was how miserable I was.

Then, I wrote this post. I don’t know exactly what happened, but writing that post and implementing those strategies snapped me out of my funk. Ever since, I’ve felt strong and positive and in control. The circumstances of my life haven’t changed (except that my husband is home from his business trip)–my job is still stressful, I still struggle with technical issues on my website, I still feel overbooked socially–but my outlook has totally changed. What is this wonderful magic, and how can I make more of it?

Giving up complaining and practicing gratitude have been critical in shifting my mindset. Focusing on the positive things in my life instead of the negatives has just… I don’t know, made me so much more joyful. It’s absolutely amazing how much of an impact this small change has had in only a few days. Recognizing what I can and can’t control has also been instrumental in improving my frame of mind. I had wasted a great deal of time and energy agonizing about things I simply can’t change. No more.

But I think it’s more than that. I think a substantial factor in my successful turnaround has been in achieving goals aligned with my purpose. Yesterday was the final day of my 21-Day Makeover. My goal was to write for at least an hour every day with the intention of creating a strong “writing habit.” I successfully completed that goal, and I’ve got to tell you, it felt great. I felt like I was doing what I was supposed to be doing.

And earlier this week, I created a forum for achieving weekly goals. I set a goal for this week of writing 20 pages of my novel by March 2. I’ve already written 12 pages since Monday–I’m over halfway there. (Interestingly, I also set goals unrelated to my purpose–exercise, for one. I haven’t been nearly as successful there. Coincidence? I think not.)

Achieving goals that are aligned with my purpose has been completely energizing and refreshing. Perhaps the key for me to be successful in other areas is to think about the goal in terms of my purpose. For example, my goal is to exercise for 30 minutes four times a week in order to give me more energy and mental stamina for writing. Hmmm. Something to try with next week’s goals…

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… make lemonade. Or, in my case, cry about it, b*tch to your husband, throw a minor tantrum, melodramatically insist that you cannot go on another day, grudgingly accept your circumstances, and make some damn lemonade. With Splenda, because you haven’t been working out lately.

I am officially having ONE OF THOSE WEEKS. My job is… oh, where to start? Ah. Completely frigging miserable. It is preposterously stressful, contentious, combative, and frustrating. My husband is applying for jobs in another city, so there’s a chance I’ll be able to quit soon, but I can’t really start applying for other jobs because I don’t know how long we’ll be in the area. So I’m trapped for the moment. Then one of my friends did something incredibly selfish and hurtful. She’s completely unapologetic, which makes it even harder to get over. My weekends are booked from now through April and I feel like I never have any time. Something is going on with my website–I can’t get the forums working and I have to write my posts in HTML. And on top of everything, my husband has had to travel a lot for work lately. He’s out of town right now and thus unable to tell me that I need CALM THE HELL DOWN.

Deep breath.

OK, I think I’m done whining now. But seriously, what should we do when it seems like everything is going wrong? Is there any way to make it easier on ourselves? Here are some strategies I’m going to try:

• Recognize that you are in control of your life. Even though it may feel like I’m trapped, I’m truly not. I could walk up to my boss right now and quit and there’s nothing that anyone could do to stop me. I am consciously making the choice to continue in this job. Owning that choice somehow makes all the B.S. easier to bear. Check out Frugal Dad’s great article on choice for more on this topic.
• Be grateful. I am so fortunate. I have a wonderful, supportive husband who believes in me. I have a wonderful family–including an adorable niece who turns one in a few weeks. I have awesome friends. I know what I want to do with my life and I’m working toward it. I have a job that pays well, and I love my boss and coworkers (the client, on the other hand, NOT SO MUCH). Wow. Even just writing this paragraph has hugely improved my mood.
• Practice letting go. I have no ability to control the INSANE behavior of my client. I can’t make my friend apologize for being inconsiderate. I have no power to change the mysterious inner workings of my website (I leave that to my husband). I can’t change these things, so I may as well let them go and focus on what I can change. I can change my attitude. I can change my reactions. I can change my environment. I can change how I cope with stress. If you can’t change it, let it go.
• Stop complaining. For the last week or so, I’ve spent a few hours every day complaining about work. What does this do? It reinforces the negative feelings I already have and focuses my attention on everything that’s going WRONG instead of enjoying the things that are going RIGHT. This does me absolutely no good.

Seriously. Just writing this post has made me feel a thousand times better–I can’t imagine what an improvement I will feel from actually implementing these suggestions!

For those who would like to participate in the Weekly Goal Support Group (my husband hopes to have the forums up and running tonight), stop by the original post to leave a comment and post your goals or let us know how you’re doing so far this week. And I’ve successfully completed 20 days of my 21-Day Makeover–tomorrow is the final day!

This post was included in The Next 45 Years Personal Development Carnival–check out the other great entries!

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When you hear the words “goal setting” do you think, “Now that sounds like a good time”? How about strengthening your self-discipline–sound entertaining? Increasing your productivity? No? I agree. I think the biggest problem with personal development is that it’s absolutely no fun.

The basic principles of personal development are pretty simple, but most people (myself included) don’t successfully apply them. Why? Well, let’s look at self-discipline as an example. How would you go about strengthening your self-discipline? You’d start by doing something that you kind of don’t want to do (like get up an hour earlier). Once you’d successfully done that for a while, you’d take it up a notch and create a bigger challenge for yourself. You’d continue increasing the challenge until you reached the point where you had the self-discipline to do pretty much anything you set your mind to do. We’d all love to get there, but the process sounds so arduous and… well, un-fun.

So how can we fix this? How can we make personal development enjoyable? I’ve got a few ideas:

• Learn about YOU. If you’re anything at all like me, you love personality quizzes and career tests. There’s just something so rewarding about taking the Myers-Briggs and finding out that you’re an INFJ (any other INFJs out there?) and that’s why you’re such a freakin’ perfectionist. The insights you gain from these fun quizzes and tests could point you in a new direction if you’re struggling to find your purpose. Don’t spend too much time on them, but they’re definitely a fun addition to your personal development arsenal.
• Get a buddy. Find a friend who has a similar goal and work together. For example, two of my wonderful, fabulous online friends share my goal of being a writer. One of them suggested that we start a joint project that will allow us to write in a fun and supportive environment. I won’t want to let them down, so I’ll be sure to do my share of the writing. I’ll also get encouragement and critique and momentum from doing this. How could finding a buddy help you work toward your goals?
• Reward yourself. Let’s go back to the self-discipline example. My goal is to wake up at 5:00am, which requires self-discipline. I could set a reward for myself that, for every week that I successfully wake up at 5:00am, I get to spend a lazy, guilt-free two hours curled up with a book. Maybe if I make it the whole month, I get a new pair of shoes. Find a reward that motivates you and go for it!
• Don’t take yourself so seriously. Yes, personal development is important. Achieving your goals is important. Finding your purpose is important. But you know what else is also really important? Being kind to yourself. Laughing. Enjoying life. Finding the humor in your mistakes. Living in the moment.

Now, go forth and do something FUN this weekend!

Update: Day 16 is done. I didn’t wind up getting up at 5:00 am because I was up waaay past 11, but I did get up at 6 and get an hour of writing in.

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(Cross-posted at BlogHer) 

Today as I was struggling to get my writing done, answer my emails and phone calls, draft an entry for this blog, and manage my workload at the office, I really wished there were more hours in the day. There’s so much that I want and need to do, and there’s so little time. For example, I’d love to do some more writing after work, but I’m heading directly from the office to my volunteer commitment. Maybe tomorrow evening? Nope. I’ll be at a celebration dinner for a friend who just started a new job. Arrrrgh–I need more TIME!

Then it occurred to me–why not just make more?

There are a few ways to go about this magical feat:

1. Wake up earlier (if you’re a morning person) or go to bed later (if you’re a night owl). You’ll be adding an extra hour of time to the period when you feel your most bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Early birds may find themselves going to bed a little bit earlier. That’s OK–early birds aren’t at most productive at night any way. Likewise, night owls might find themselves sleeping in. Also fine.
2. Eliminate distractions. You know the hour you spent playing Spider Solitaire yesterday? Remove the game from your computer. Your marathon blog-reading sessions (I mean, you HAVE to catch up on all your e-friends)? Trim them to no more than 30 minutes. Your nightly ritual of watching three Law & Order SVU reruns in a row (my personal addiction)? Allow yourself one episode, tops.
3. Work smarter. Let’s say that I’m in the middle of editing a document for work. I’m rolling right along when my blackberry goes off–new email. I stop what I’m doing and reply. Now where was I? Hmm… I’ll just reread the last paragraph I was working on and– Phone rings. I answer it and spend 15 minutes discussing an unrelated topic. OK, now back to my document. This is THE WORST way to work. Women are excellent multitaskers–it’s one of our natural advantages, but don’t multitask yourself into non-productivity. Do one thing at a time. ONE. Give it your complete, undivided attention. You will find that you work much quicker and more efficiently than when your brain is bouncing around like a ping pong ball.
4. Plan ahead. Cook a week’s worth of lunches and/or dinners on Sunday afternoon. This will save you AT LEAST an hour a day. Organize your errand-running so that you aren’t driving back and forth across town. Make daily and weekly prioritized to-do lists. It’s amazing the difference that planning and organization can make in your life.
5. Learn to say no. If you find every night of your week filled with social commitments, activities/events for your kids, volunteer obligations, etc., then you need to learn how to say no. It’s tempting to try and do everything for everyone who asks (especially your kids), but the truth is, you just can’t do it all. Be selective.

Here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to start waking up at 5:00am every day (yes–even on the weekends). I already wake up at 6-6:30, so it’s not like it’s that huge of a difference. This would allow me to get an extra hour of writing done in the morning. The only time that I will sleep past 5:00 is when I’ve been up later than 11:00pm (I know that I need at least 6 hours in order to be functional).

What can you do to create some extra time?

* Day 15 was a success!

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