This is the perfect personal development challenge for me to initiate today. I’m heading to my parents’ house this afternoon for the long weekend. My parents have a house with a big yard and a pool, so they always have a cookout for my entire extended family. (My dad is one of seven and everyone has at least two kids, so it’s A LOT of people!) I love my family and I’m very close to them, but… well, you know how it is. Ginormous family gatherings are often fraught with emotion and history and can get pretty stressful.

But back to my point…

I’m going to take the positivity challenge! Would you like to play along?

Here’s what it entails… For one full week, we will try to focus on the positive. When we encounter an obstacle or difficulty, we’ll try to see the silver lining. (Note: This is different from pretending that everything is wonderful when it is clearly not. It’s the difference between “I have a cold–it’s so unfair that I feel like crap” and “I have a cold, but hey–I get to stay home from work and watch Dr. Phil!”)

We’ll focus on what we can learn or gain from a potentially negative situation rather than the inconvenience or discomfort it may cause. The idea is that, by the end of the week, we will begin to experience the amazing benefits of positive thinking and will be on our way to building a permanent positivity habit!

The creator of the positivity challenge has three recommendations to get us through the week: 

1. Cut the negative threads quickly. Only allow yourself to go on a negative thread of thought for a set time-period, perhaps 30 seconds or a minute. Then just cut it off, drop it and think about what positive things you can get out of this situation. Don´t feed the negative thoughts with more energy or you might trap your mind in a downward spiral for quite a while. If you start going down a negative thread of thought it is important to cut it fast.
2. Realize that it is possible to choose what you think about and how you react. You don´t have live your life in reaction. Being reactive to everything is not very empowering. You have a choice. But it might take some time to make this click in your mind…
3. Focus on the gap between stimuli and reaction. The more you think about this and try to use it by consciously choosing, over time (for me, it was months, but it can surely be achieved quicker) the gap will appear larger and larger and that will make the process easier.

Here’s wishing all of you a happy (and POSITIVE) holiday weekend!

I like the idea of reserving Fridays for looking back over the week and reflecting on my successes, obstacles, and insights–I might turn that into a regular feature. (Let me know what you think in the comments.)

Personal Development Projects

• 101 Things list: I just completed my 25th item, which means that I’ve checked off almost 1/4 of the items on my list. Hooray!
• This one’s for you, MizFit… I joined a gym and got a personal trainer. He was EXCELLENT! I actually–and I can’t believe I’m about to write this–enjoyed weight training! I was so blown away that I bought ten sessions with him. (Well, actually my husband bought them for me as a belated birthday present.) I have my second session today at noon.
• Last Saturday was the final day of my No Alcohol 21-Day Makeover. I’ve had one beer since then, and I didn’t really enjoy it. Could this be a permanent change?
• My No Shopping Month has gone pretty well. I did wind up spending un-planned money on food ($50) and books ($32), but over all, I’m pleased with my performance. Eleven days to go…
• My 21-Day Makeovers for waking up early and meditating every day have been OK. Out of 19 days, I’ve met the waking up goal 14 times and the meditating goal 13 times. Not too bad! I got some great suggestions to help with meditation–
  • Crabby McSlacker, Cynthia, and Leslie recommended that I try a guided meditation.
  • Leah suggested trying a “mindless” but meditative activity like gardening or needlepoint.

Lessons of the Week

• Having a plan ahead of time makes all the difference for me in dealing with my triggers.
  • Action item! I need to work on an emergency response plan for when I’m unexpectedly confronted with something that triggers me. (There was a cookie incident on Tuesday.) Any ideas?
• Sometimes it’s best to keep our dreams and aspirations to ourselves–at least at first.

Question of the Week

• I’m still struggling with the question of self-acceptance versus self-improvement. I got some great advice and insight from your comments. 
  • Anna said: “Being self-aware and really looking at my MOTIVES is what I have found to be helpful. If I am doing something because I feel like I have to or it’s something everyone else is doing, then me not wanting to do it is probably an indicator that I shouldn’t be doing it!”
  • VeryBadCat suggested using a cost-benefit analysis to determine whether or not the proposed improvement is in my best interest.
  • Aleta noted that, when pressure to improve comes from external sources or when we feel stressed about self-improvement, it can actually have the opposite of the desired effect.
  • Kelli observed that it’s important to look at the effects of the behavior–if it has a negative impact on your life, change it!

 What are you proud of this week? What lessons did you learn? Do you have any ideas for an “emergency response” plan for confronting unexpected triggers?

I recently completed #55 on my 101 Things in 1001 Days list, which was to get a psychic reading. I’ve always been curious about psychic abilities, and I wanted a firsthand experience under my belt. I decided to get an online reading from Vera Nadine (I’m too chicken to get one in person). Here’s how it worked–I sent Vera an email with a photo, a little bit of background about myself, and a question. She sent me an MP3 file of her channeled reading. My question addressed my history of using food and other substances to “fill myself up”–I wanted to know how to find true spiritual fulfillment.

NOTE: My opinion is that psychic readings and similar services should be approached as either a way to gain insight on your life or as entertainment–depending on your personal beliefs. I do not believe that it is wise to use them as the sole method of making major life decisions or as a substitute for therapy or medical treatment. I also believe that you should not procure these services unless you have the disposable income to do so. My two cents…

To say that I was impressed with my reading would be a gross understatement. I was blown away. I’d like to share some of the highlights with you.

• This (my emotional eating and other unhealthy behaviors) is about release and surrender. I have allowed my past experiences–things that were said and done to me–to become a physical part of me, appendages like my arms and legs. Initially, these experiences were like pebbles, but I’ve allowed them to become boulders. How can I expect to walk lightly through life carrying such a heavy burden? I need to learn to spend time with my Self–alone and aware with an open mind and an open heart. By doing this, I will see that my experiences are not truly a part of me.
• The only time I should feel blame, shame, or pain from my past is if I’ve failed to learn from what I’ve experienced. If I drown the present (with food, TV, alcohol, etc.) and refuse to be in it fully, I will not take lessons from my experiences. Whenever I resurface and come fully into the now, I will feel shame because I will have repeated the same mistake again. The only real mistake is not living fully in this moment in life. Learning to accept responsibility for my presence in the now is one of the main purposes of my life.
• What I need to do is to stop doing, stop spending every moment thinking or acting to try and get away from who I truly am right now. I need to be quiet–not with my mouth, but with my mind. I need to take a walk and be present for every birdsong rather than hearing nothing but mental chatter, doing nothing but pondering plans and reliving old wounds.
• We are Spirit, and Spirit is energy. Everything has energy–thoughts, feelings, foods, objects. Thought has a great deal of power; it is raw energy unlimited by a physical container. When I focus on a thought, my energy becomes more like the thought.
• There are many physical things I could do to improve my spiritual condition–eat a vegetarian diet, exercise, meditate, practice yoga. I could volunteer with people like me or worse off than me. I could learn to speak kindly and not open my mouth unless I have something loving to say. These will all help, but the underlying issue will remain until I learn to surrender all that I think about myself–good and bad; to disengage and stop identifying with the negative experiences and labels I’ve assigned myself.
• The roadblock is that only a portion of me wants to heal. There is something in me that wants to suffer, believes it must suffer, and has become accustomed to suffering. The only thing that can fill me up and soothe me is seeking a connection to my Spirit and understanding that that part of me is not ME. It is my mind and my thoughts. I must recognize that I am not my thoughts.
• I should seek a teacher who can train me to meditate properly. It doesn’t matter what tradition or what type of meditation, but I must take it on and practice it every day. Meditation is the one and only key to spiritual awakening. It is the key to my spiritual self, and my spiritual self is always connected to the Oneness, the Source.
• Healing won’t come overnight. When I expect it to be that easy, I will fail and punish myself with the very things I was trying to overcome. Healing is a process. Processes have no beginning and no end.
• When I feel the need to medicate myself, I should go out and run. I should imagine running toward my spirit and away from other people’s demons.

These bullets are only a small portion of the hour-long recording Vera sent to me, and like I said, I’m pretty much blown away by the accuracy and insightfulness of the reading. There were many statements and references she made that I didn’t mention in my email to her–there’s no logical way she could have known these things. (For example, I never told her that I’ve been a dedicated runner for 10 years, but she mentioned it specifically several times as something that will be particularly therapeutic for me if I do it mindfully.) I’ve been convinced for some time that it’s important for me to meditate–this reading really drove that point home. I definitely intend to look for a meditation class or teacher once I complete my month of no spending.

If you are curious about psychic readings and have the discretionary money in your budget, I would wholeheartedly recommend Vera. When I contacted her to let her know that I’d be blogging about my reading, she very generously offered a 25% discount code for my readers: just enter SEMICH into the code field during checkout on her website. The code will be good for the next month. Thanks, Vera!

What do you think of her channeled guidance for me? Do you believe in psychics?

… and how you say it.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, reading, and introspecting since writing Friday’s post. I’m stuck with this feeling that the answer to this riddle is right on the tip of my tongue, and if I just keep mulling it over, it will come to me. The sensation is both frustrating and exhilarating–frustrating because I want an answer and I want it NOW, exhilarating because I feel kind of like a mental/spiritual Indiana Jones hunting for a mythical artifact. Semi-Charmed Wife and the Hunt for Life’s Purpose… It’s got a nice ring to it, don’t you think?

In the midst of all this research and soul-searching, I found an insightful and apropos article by Erin Pavlina called “The Medium and the Message“. (Erin is a practicing psychic. Regardless of whether you believe in psychic abilities, I recommend the article for its unique perspective.) The article refers to your true purpose as your message. Your message is why you’re here and what you must express or communicate in this life. If I were to sum up my message into a catchy slogan, it would be something like “You can do it!”, meaning that no matter what it is that you want out of life, no matter what you want to be or do, you CAN make it happen regardless of who you are or where you start. It’s a message of empowerment and enlightenment targeted primarily at women.

Your medium is the way you deliver your message. Using mine as an example, I could be a full-time mother who raises empowered, fully conscious children. I could be a therapist. I could be a counselor to battered women. I could be a motivational speaker. I could be a life coach. I could be teach at a community college. I could be an author and write novels that inspire people to believe in themselves, or I could write nonfiction books about personal development. The possibilities for delivering my message are endless.

That’s the rub for me–endless possibilities. I could deliver my message in a million ways–how do I know which one is the right fit for me? As you know from following my various 21-Day Makeovers, I love doing personal development “experiments” on myself, so I’m going to resort to my tried-and-true tactic of trial and error. I’ll just have to come up with different ideas and try them out. Eventually, one of them will click and I’ll know I’ve found the right medium for me. For instance, I’ve tried writing fiction, and although I enjoy it, it didn’t resonate as a way to live my purpose. On to the next idea…

I’m working on a different plan now. It’s still in the early stages of conception, but I’ll certainly share it with you when it’s fully formed.

What’s harder for you–figuring out your medium or your message?

I’ve been working diligently on my 101 things list, but it’s been kind of haphazard thus far. I wanted to set out a plan for the items I want to focus on in June:

• #13 Research & write a nonfiction piece (I’d like to start working on this in June, but it may take me longer to finish it.)
• #34 Wake up at 5:00 am every day for 21 days & #35 Meditate every day for 21 days (I’d like to combine these into one challenge starting tomorrow.) 
• #39 Go one week without complaining (Starts tomorrow)
• #41 Go one month without shopping (Starts tomorrow)
• #57 Memorize a poem that I love
• #81 Call one cousin per week for three months
• #82 Write a letter to my grandmother

Ground rules: 

Getting enough sleep is critical to good health, so if I’m up past 11:00 pm, I won’t get up at 5:00 am. However, every time I don’t get up at 5:00, I’ll add an additional day on to the challenge.

I have to meditate for at least 10 minutes in order for it to count.

Every time I catch myself complaining, I have to follow the complaint with a solution to the problem or another positive statement.

For the shopping item, these will be my guidelines:

• I already have a number of eating-out engagements scheduled this month. This is just the way my life is–I can’t really avoid it. I have both brunch and early dinner tomorrow, dinner on 6/3, brunch on 6/8, and dinner on 6/19. I will consciously choose the least expensive items I can find, and I will not schedule any new social events that require me to eat out!!
• Purchasing groceries (food, toiletries, other essentials) doesn’t count as shopping.
• Purchasing lunch out at work does count as shopping. However, because I occasionally get pulled into last-minute work lunches, I will allow myself one lunch out per week, but I have to keep the cost under $10.
• All other gratuitous purchases (gum, candy, sodas, bottles of water, magazines, etc) are off-limits.
• No purchases of clothes, books, gadgets, makeup, or any other non-essential is allowed.