Aug 05 2008
Saddle Up Anyway
“Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.” - John Wayne
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Image from http://southdakotapolitics.blogs.com/south_dakota_politics/images/john_wayne.jpg.
I’ve been thinking a lot about fear and how it affects my life. Fear of failure has been holding me back for years from trying to earn a living as a writer. The most maddening thing is that acknowledging the fear and realizing that it’s holding me back doesn’t make the fear go away. As much as my heart wants to quit my job and go for it, my fear STILL controls me. As you might image, I find this situation completely unacceptable.
But what can I do to overcome this fear and build courage? I know that “just do it” seems like a reasonable answer, but anyone who’s ever felt paralyzed by fear and insecurity knows how frustrating that answer can be. I know I should just do it. What I need to know is how. How do I get from where I am (scared) to where I want to be (confident and courageous)?
- Get educated. You’ve all heard of fear of the unknown. Well, one way to conquer that fear is to come to know the unknown. To overcome my fear of working as a freelance / full-time writer, it would help me to learn more about the business of writing. Do I need an agent? How can I find freelance jobs? How much should I be making per word or per article? The more I learn, the less mysterious and scary a writing career will seem.
- Make a plan. This goes back to fear of the unknown again. Part of my dilemma is that I don’t know what will happen if I quit my day job. What projects will I work on? What will I do all day? How will I find more work? One way to address this fear is to make a plan. For instance, I could consult the Writer’s Market book that my awesome cheerleader sent me and identify a few publications I’d like to write for. I could make a monthly plan for myself to write and submit articles to those publications. I could make a plan to market my website or look for affiliates. Having a plan would make me feel like I’m not flying totally blind.
- Stretch yourself. Make an effort to step outside your comfort zone at least once a week. For me, that might mean letting a friend read some of my fiction (which I NEVER do), submitting an article to a magazine, entering a writing contest, or registering for a writing workshop. Every time I stretch myself, I’ll push my limits a little bit further out. Eventually, quitting my day job will feel like the natural next step.
- Maintain a positive attitude. This requires some courage in and of itself! Staying positive will encourage you to think of “challenges” rather than “obstacles”, to feel hopeful instead of hopeless, to be excited instead of frightened, to be stimulated rather than challenged. It’s hard to be afraid while maintaining a positive attitude. Watch your thoughts carefully and stop yourself when you sense a downward spiral of “this will never work–I can’t do it–I’m not good enough” coming on.
- Be open. Keep an open mind when it comes to new experiences and opportunities. As I wrote last week, no opportunity is too small when it comes to getting paid to do something you love. Be willing to try activities and events that you might otherwise dismiss or be uncomfortable with. Take that acting class! Go to that networking function!
Do you have any courage-building tips or techniques for me? Where do you need to exercise more courage in your life?
re fear, I often find myself wondering, “What if I just totally and completely chucked all this body image nonsense - like, ignored any bad thoughts and practiced eveything i preached and accepted my body as it without wishing I didn;t have cellulite?” What would happen then? I’ll tell you what - I’d be damn happy. It’s that fear that holds us back. Maybe it’s fear of “Well, what would I worry about THEN?” (I’m a perpetual worrywart). For now, a step I’m going to take involves walking on the beach in Mexico with my husband this Thanksgiving in a bikini and trying hard not to give a damn what anyone might think, good or bad. In all likelihood, they’re prolly to busy worrying about themselves to even care what my butt looks like. We’ll see how it goes…
I have a friend (ok my mom :)) whom I think will often NOT TAKE HELP (it’s the ole Jewish joke of “it’s fine. (sigh) Ill sit in the dark”) because if she did and the situation (GASP!) IMPROVED what would she lament?
and WG nailed it huh?
it is so easy to get mired in the ME (are my dimples showing? (does WG even have dimples?!)) when others are so MIRED THERE AS WELL they arent even giving us a *thought*
Fear has always been a big obstacle for me - the uncertainty behind it is what scares me the most. I can (and usually do) try to gain as much knowledge about something before I “go for it” but even then, that can only carry me so far, some of it will be left to chance. That is the part I struggle with…it’s kind of like looking over the edge of a cliff, knowing I’ve got a safety net there but taking that first step off is the hard part, sometimes you just need that push -
~K
Thanks for the honesty. I know exactly what you mean.
I’m finally starting to find freelancing writing work, but find myself gripped with fear when I get the very assignments I want. It’s scary to embark on something new and unknown. And I don’t yet know if I have what it takes. But it’s more terrifying to think that without “saddling up anyway,” I may be at the same day job, still creatively unfulfilled, years from now, wondering what might have been had I just taken a few leaps of writing faith when I had the chance.
I think I’d rather fail gloriously than regret not trying.
(Or that’s what I’m telling myself until I actually believe it.)
A couple of things come to mind…I’m not sure where I found this quote (it may have been on your blog, for all I know!) but I have it posted in my cubicle at work where I see it every 5 seconds all day long.
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.” - Mark Twain
Also, there’s a book by Susan Jeffers called “Feel The Fear…And Do It Anyway” about (you guessed it!) how to conquer your fears. My therapist recommended it to help me start dating again a few years ago after a really painful breakup. It’s a pretty straightforward approach with practical ways to work your way through fear and anxiety. I’d highly recommend it.
I think the steps you’ve outlined are a great way to get going in the right direction…the only thing I would add is to set a deadline for yourself - something that is the absolute, final, make-or-break date for you to take that big step…because we can all analyze things to death to help overcome our fears, but it’s all worthless if we never jump!
Do it, girl!!
You’re right on, as usual! Just because we KNOW we shouldn’t feel fear, doesn’t mean we can actually act without first knowing the “how.” I find that education is a big help for me. If I haven’t had my questions answered, there’s no way I’m going to make a big leap of faith.
Wow - I’ve been giving Mark Twain’s advice for years and didn’t even realize it! Of course - its easy for me to give that advice and mean it! About someone else. When it comes to me I get too caught up in the negative ‘what ifs’. I like to stay in the comfort of what I know, even if its not what I really want. How dumb is that??