Getting to know all about me
Getting to like me
Getting to hope you like me

OK, so that’s not exactly how the song goes, but it’s a great lead-in to today’s topic: getting to know yourself.

I’ve mentioned before that I have many friends (this group includes me) mired in the dreaded quarter-life crisis or spinning their proverbial wheels trying to figure out their purpose in life–or at least what they should be doing to bring home the bacon! In my opinion, part of the reason this process–finding our message and medium–is so difficult for us is that we haven’t spent a lot of time getting to know our Selves. (Note the use of the capital S.) Not our personality of the moment (rebel, fighter, etc.), not our various roles (wife, mother, sister, daughter), but our true inner Selves.

Sounds great, right? So how do you do it? How do you cut through all the surface bullsh*t (’scuse my French) and get to the Real You?

Yeah, I don’t know either.

BUT I have some ideas that I’m currently working with, and I’d love to hear your suggestions as well. Here’s what I’ve been doing:

• Hit the brakes. Introspection requires time and focus–it’s not something that can be tacked on to your to-do list to tackle over a long lunch. Make a habit of setting aside time to spend with You. (A single mom I work with does this every night during her bath–her kids know not to bother her unless someone is bleeding or the house is on fire.)
• Focus on NOW. I read somewhere that 75% of the average person’s thoughts are focused on the past (who you were) or future (who you might become) rather than present (who you are). You are not your past. You are not your expectations of the future. You just ARE.
• Ask questions. What do I love? What excites me? What activities are fun for me? What would I do if I had all the money in the world? What is my mission? What are my hopes?
• Then flip them around. (I’ve been doing this as part of the journal I’m keeping for 30 days for my 101 things. I’ve learned some pretty interesting things about myself.) What do I hate? What bores me? What activities are excruciating for me? What would I do if I were broke and homeless? What is distracting me from my mission? What are my fears?
• Find your points of resistance. Do you keep putting off finishing your degree? Why? What are you getting out of the delay? Do you avoid exercise even though you intellectually want to do it? Why? How does that serve you? Would you like to go to therapy but just can’t make yourself pick up the phone and make an appointment? Why?
• Keep a journal. Oh, how I wish I’d been a diligent journal keeper when I was younger. How enlightening would it be to go back and look for constant themes throughout my life, to see how I’ve changed and how I’ve stayed the same? But it’s not too late–you can start right now!
• Look at the people around you. Do you gravitate toward strong-willed, opinionated people? Shy, reserved people? Funny people? Angry people? What do you get out of those relationships?

Do you feel like you know your true Self? If so, how did you get there? Do you have any suggestions to add to the list?

Trackback URI | Comments RSS