Jul 11 2008
I Cannot Believe I’m Doing This
As you already know, I’ve struggled with disordered eating for years. I’ve hated myself, abused myself, lectured myself, and punished myself. It has NOT been fun. But I’ve made incredible progress over the past few months, and I feel like I’m in a better place than I’ve ever been with my eating. Thanks to all of you for your support!
Body image, on the other hand, is something I’m still struggling with. Like most disordered eaters, I’m unable to see myself realistically and objectively. If you show me a picture of myself, I focus on the flaws. My nose looks crooked. My arms are shapeless. My butt looks saggy. You know how that story goes. It got even worse after the masectomy. Then I was convinced that everyone could tell that I had implants. Did they look too obvious? Too big? Too round? It never ends.
When I came across Suzanne’s blog entry about the Swimsuit Brigade for Honest Photos–which is her effort to fight back against the media’s ridiculously unrealistic portrayal of the female body–I was incredibly moved. Much to my surprise, I found myself wanting to participate, to put my picture out there and say, “Hey, world–this is what I look like. It’s real and it’s OK.” I know how it feels to think that the way you look isn’t good enough, and I wanted to support this woman’s very brave effort to show women that we look JUST FINE thankyouverymuch.
So here I am.
In all my glory.
Let me know if you decide to participate–it’s terrifying (I freely admit that I almost deleted this post about six times), but it’s also very empowering and liberating.
Viva the female form!
and viva your beautiful form.
Im so glad (dare I say UBER PROUD of you) for not deleting.
it isnt important that *I* (we?) can see that you look fantastic—-youre on your way to seeing it clearly yourself huh?
M.
You realize that I’m SO loving you right now! I’m so proud of you and I’m so glad you had the moxie to do this you. That color is gorgeous on you and the cut looks really nice!
YAYYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYAY JEN!!!!
I’ll do it. I plan on buying a swimsuit this weekend, so I’ll post over the weekend, sometime.
To me, this is a powerful example of distorted body image. You are HOTT.
Really. Thanks for having the courage to do this.
I’m so in. Does it have to be a recent pic, or can I post last year’s beach pics?
It is kind of sad the emphasis we put on ‘natural’ beauty and the fact that it isn’t ‘good enough.’ I just got back from the beach and when I look at the pictures (I’m in very few) I notice some left over belly from the baby, the droopy (much too small) boobs, the extra padding around my thighs…and the list could go on.
This is awesome what your doing - very empowering. I’d like to say that I’ll jump on this bandwagon, but it’s terrifying, so instead I’ll say I will attempt to put myself out there, (I’ll talk myself up today…perhaps tomorrow I’ll have the guts to post it all out there!)
~K
Wow! Congratulations, Jen! You truly look fabulous because of your confidence and you really do have a beautiful body.
I have to wear a bathing suit later today with some friends and I’ve never done this in front them of them. I am so nervous you have no idea! Whey do we care so much, especially if it’s only some women I will be with! Ha!
Thanks for sending this out, on a Friday in the summer as I will be wearing a bathing suit again tomorrow at the beach (this time by myself! Very empowering!)
I would like to do as you did and take a photo of myself in a bikini. Even if i do not post it, just to remind myself of how beautiful I really am.
THANK. YOU.
Anna
oh my god - you have a gorgeous figure! The pic loaded very slowly so I felt a bit pervy at first…like, “C’mon - one more inch, one more inch!” But really, you are beautiful. And that bod ain’t too shabby either.
Can I just tell you that I’d KILL to have your body?? You look fabulous!! And I’m so impressed that you’d post a picture of yourself, knowing how difficult it was for you. You rock!!
I’m gonna check out that bathing suit posting thing…not promising anything but I’ll give it the old college try.
You’re gorgeous!!!
I’m on vaca at the beach all next week, so maybe I’ll have the hubby snap a picture of me to email you and you can post it.
Of course, talking him into taking a picture of me with a bathing suit on, rather than the picture I’m sure he’d much rather take, will be the hard part.
One interesting thing that Anna brought up in her comment…doesn’t it seem that our body image is so often based on what women (including ourself) will think, and not men?
Let’s be real, any normal decent non-jerk guy is just so darn happy he gets to see your ladybits nekkid on a regular basis that he thinks you are completely beautiful no matter what.
So it’s not just about accepting ourselves in our female form, unairbrushed and all, but accepting each other, having positive thoughts about other women we see rather than doing the old catty comparisons and pointing out of flaws. Thinking, “good for her” rather than wishing we had that feature or having a what was she thinking moment. Picking out a random stranger and complimenting her on something, anything.
If we all told each other how beautiful we are a lot more often, we’d become so much more comfortable with ourselves, I think.
Sorry I’ve been missing so long!! Lots going on this summer…
You look great!! Thank you for having the courage to do this.
Jen,
I know how hard this was for you. I think you are amazing and you are so beautiful, inside and out. I hope one day soon you will see what those who love you see.
Wow! Everything is in the right places…and it all looks perfect to me! I applaud your courage…
inspiring!
i’ve been posting about swimming alot lately and i may just be inspired enough to post a pic of my own!
nice!
You have NOTHING to be embarrassed about. You are awesome.
Ditto the would kill for that figure! You look outstanding. Thank you so much for sharing - and for liberating.
I’m getting to this post late, and I can see that you already have a ton of comments along the very same lines as I was already thinking.
Empowering? Yes. You look great? Yes. (You and I have a very similar body type, by the way.) Other people should do this? Yes. Difficult to do? Yes, yes, yes.
I saw Suzanne’s post, too, and I thought about participating. You know why I didn’t? Because I don’t own a swimsuit! But I guess I could use a sports bra and some non-thong undies or something if I really wanted to…
You are awesome, Jen. You know why? Because you are pulling yourself out of this whole disordered body-image thing piece by piece, leap by leap. Thank you for posting this.
Well I think you look great! I would be very happy to have a tummy like yours! You are brave to do this and inspiring as ever!
Hi! I bounced over here from the link on the Weighting Game and have been forced out of lurkerdom because I have GOT to say thank-you so much for this.
You look fantastic - and if somebody who looks this great is fighting the same demons as I am, then it gives me real hope.
TA x
Hello!,
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