‘Cause you’ve got - (personality)
Walk - (personality) talk - (personality)
Smile - (personality) charm - (personality)
Love - (personality)“Personality” by Lloyd Price (1959)

I’ve always loved that song!

Notice that the singer says, “You’ve got personality”. Why is that interesting? Because I think most of us tend to think of our personalities as something that we are rather than something that we have. We might say “I’m funny” or “I’m shy” or ”I’m sensitive” or “I’m easily frustrated”. Note the presence of the power phrase “I AM”. This implies that those aspects of the personality are innate, inborn, and unchangeable.

But take a minute and think of someone you’ve known for a long time–a sibling or lifelong friend is best. What was that person like at different ages?

For example, my sister was such a ham when she was little–under 8 or 9. She was always making faces or mugging for the camera. When she was a few years older (12-13), she became very, very shy and reserved–she avoided a camera at all costs. Later in high school, she started running track and became a pretty competitive person, which was a major departure from previous years. In college, she was deeply introspective and focused more on intellectual and spiritual issues. In her mid-20s, she was a personal trainer and her main motivation was to help people. Now, she’s a mom and her personality has evolved to be a teacher, nurturer, and caregiver. She used to hate roller coasters and water slides; now she loves them. She used to love scary movies; now she hates them. She used to be a terribly finicky eater; now she’s not.

Everything about her has changed over the years–her likes and dislikes, her beliefs, her opinions, her priorities, her values, her personality. What does all of that mean? With all that change, where is her fundamental Audrey-ness, her “I am”-ness? How can she be the same person when everything about her–physically, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually–keeps changing?

The answer is… well, to be frank, it’s kind of weird and difficult to grasp. (And this is just MY personal answer to this question–different religions and spiritual systems teach different things, so take it with a grain of salt.) The real Audrey, the “I AM” Audrey, is the Observer, the part of her that is able to stand back and watch herself change and evolve. That Audrey is pure, eternal, unchanging spirit. That is the Audrey that has a life purpose. That is the Audrey that is searching for the right medium to deliver her message. That is the Audrey that directs the evolution of the personality over her lifetime.

Why does any of this matter? For one thing, I don’t know about you but sometimes I feel like I don’t like myself very much–or more accurately, I don’t like some of my thoughts, behaviors, choices, and actions. It’s important to remember that the things I don’t like about myself (for example, my tendency to make catty comments in my head about other people when I’m feeling insecure) are not ME and they are entirely within my power to change.

If you’re shy and you don’t like that you’re shy, you can change it. It’s not YOU (by which I mean, your “I am”) that’s shy; it’s a behavior, a part of your personality. Your personality probably learned to be shy some time in your past based on experiences you had. You can teach it something different. I think that looking at personal development in this way (i.e., I’m not trying to change “ME”, I’m trying to change behaviors and aspects of my personality) makes it much less threatening and scary.

Right now, I’m focusing on monitoring my thoughts and improving my focus. What about you? Are there things about your personality that you’d like to change? What are they, and how will you change them?

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