Comments on: Believe It or Not

By: Kel

Kel — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 23:04:18 +0000

Ah yes, childhood fears that crowd into our adult lifes…I might have too many to mention here, but I am working to identify them and correct them.

My biggest ones are money (not having enough) and love (not being good enough). It is definitely a work in progress.

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 19:59:59 +0000

You describe my big fear exactly! That I will pass on negative things to my son. I think some of my beliefs from childhood include:

1) Eating food is a bad thing and a sign of greed.
2) If people around me are not happy then it is my job to make them happy
3) Confrontation is a bad and scary thing to be avoided at all costs

So to counter them

1) Food is good! I am not a greedy person because I want to eat - it’s natural!
2) I am not responsible for the feelings of other people - only they can help themselves. I can’t fix people.
3) It’s ok to disagree with people sometimes- it doesn’t mean they will leave you, get violent or hate you.

Thanks for that post - really interesting!

By: Crabby McSlacker

Crabby McSlacker — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 16:32:20 +0000

Great list!

It’s funny, I particularly identify with the first one, but I don’t recall either of my parents pushing the perfectionst thing. I do think I’m naturally wired to be anxious, which makes perfectionism a sort of natural defense–if I do every thing “right,” then maybe nothing bad will happen. But if I ever screw up… It really takes a lot of work to challenge unconscious beliefs!

By: Anna

Anna — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 15:29:06 +0000

Thanks for being so honest here, Jen. The beliefs you’ve written about are very real, and raw.

1. If I am not pleasing people around me, they will not like me.

2. Buying things will make me a happier person.

3. It matters what kind of car I drive.

I’m sure there are many more where this came from, but even looking at these 3 beliefs, I’m noticing a pattern of wanting approval from other people to justify my existence and worth.

WOW! What a realization!!!

I plan on taking your advice about the affirmations:

1. If I please myself I will be happier in the long run and therefore those that I love will be happier, too.

2. Having what I NEED is way more important than always having what I WANT.

3. At least I have a car to drive, no matter what it is!

This is so powerful and when I have more time I want to figure out additional beliefs that negatively rule my life.

THANKS JEN!

Anna

By: Cynthia

Cynthia — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 15:23:55 +0000

I think anything involving my weight because that’s what my parents terrorized for when I was younger.

Also, that I’m not that smart (I know different now but I still have those moments) because I was never praised for my intelligence. Instead, if I made mistakes I’d get drilled for that.

Another one is how my grandmother told me I was the reason my parents were miserable together because I was born and my dad felt OBLIGATED to stay.

And then of course, my other aunt told me that I would never be nothing but some mans whore to use and leave because I wasn’t worth anything.

Yes, I agree therapy is a godsend! It’s helped me get through alot of the hurt that I feel.

By: Laynie

Laynie — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 13:42:40 +0000

I don’t necessarily think it’s a belief because I “know” better but my actions prove that when my mom is happy, I am less anxious. I can look back since childhood and realize I have taken on the role of making her happy. If she doesn’t like an idea of mine, I will put it aside; if she thinks I should be doing something different than what I am doing, I will convince myself to change my ways. I’ve known this about myself for a couple of years now and I get angry with myself each time I “live for her” but this doesn’t stop me from doing it. I get that tight feeling in my gut when I know she won’t approve of something, just like I felt at 8 and knew I was going to get in trouble. I hate this about myself but have no idea how to change it.