What is your project - I would be interested to hear more about it.

Weight is a major theme in my family on my mom’s side. Everyone is comparing who looks thinner, who looks heavier. “beauty” is considered to be a weight issue. If you are overweight, you aren’t pretty and then it’s a reflection of your parent.

I know my mom means the best and wants for me to have a healthy body, but she harps SO FREAKIN MUCH about my weight, that it drives me to comfort food. I’ve tried to tell her that she isn’t helping me with the negative comments, but she is who she is. I have to find a better way to cope.

But it really does get to me…. sorry, sore subject based on recent comments made by her..

If I’m feeling unworthy, I punish myself by starving myself. I’ve always done it…and I do struggle with it more than I’d like.

Eating out is not as bad. I tend to drink a lot of water before I eat and take my time while I eat.

I think it’s when I’m alone and feeling unlovable is when my trigger runs rampant. It’s been giving me hell for the past couple of weeks.

It’s funny because in the black society, thus type of thinking is flawed and looked down upon but my family is the reason why I struggle with this.

Anyway, I’m a survivor. So I need to deal with it and cope.

Being an under-eater, my triggers are sadness, depression, and loneliness. I don’t think I starve myself out of regular stress, but that my body probably just burns a lot more calories when I am stressed. I hate to eat alone, so a big issue lately has been not cooking dinner for just myself when my husband isn’t home with me, I eat nothing, and then I end up snacking on a few chips or something later. Nothing filling, but I still feel gross doing it. When I’m sad or depressed, the act of eating absolutely disgusts me (I rank it up there with bathroom functions) and I just can’t get food near my mouth.

When I’m happy, that’s when I put on weight. But, I did decide it was time to drop some poundage for my wedding, and I did it in a fairly healthy way and got back down to high school weight. The thing is, I’ve been married almost a year and have not gained any of it back. I’m happy at this weight, but I do see myself doing a few disordered things to maintain it. Since I’m not on a regular exercise schedule, I do things like putting harsh restrictions on not eating past a certain hour, even if I haven’t had dinner, or even if I’m bartending and will easily still be awake the full four hours recommended after eating, I skip a healthy lunch but will eat a bag of chips, drink coffee before breakfast even though I know that coffee erases my appetite completely, stopping eating while I am still hungry, weighing myself (there was a scale in our house when we moved in, or else I still wouldn’t know my weight). I would much prefer to use exercise and a healthy diet for weight maintenance.

Thank you for sharing your triggers! Sorry for too long of a comment once again, and good hope for your summer!!

Sometimes it’s hard but you have a great point, if perhaps we can become focused and aware then perhaps we can take steps to control the urges. One of my biggest triggers is emotional…feeling like a failure, guilt, rejection - they all trigger the want of comfort food. Chips and cokes…I could drown my sorrow in that stuff!
~K

it’s ugly.

hence my trying to stick with the lumpybumpyBROWN everything.