Jun 13 2008
Overbooked and Overwhelmed
Do you ever look at your calendar or day planner and cringe at the number of appointments, chores, and other obligations? I’m doing it right now. For the past week (and for the next two), I’ve been feeling completely overbooked and overwhelmed. I have travel for work, travel for “fun” (nothing’s fun when you’re this stressed), family in town, going to visit family, and work/social evening engagements planned for pretty much three solid weeks.
When will I clean? Get groceries? Cook? Do some writing for a project I started with a friend? Work on my website overhaul? Exercise? Meditate? Rest?
I was doing some inner whining about this (Why am I so busy? I just wish I had more time!) when it occurred to me that I created this reality. Yep. With a very few exceptions, I’m the one who stuck all this stuff on my calendar. Why would I do that? Maybe it’s because I don’t like saying no so I agree to everything I’m asked to do.
Well… I’m sure there’s some truth to that, but looking at my calendar, I see quite a number of events that I initiated. That’s right. I actually suggested most of these commitments.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot???
I have a theory. Over the past few weeks, I’ve cut waaaay back on my typical unhealthy ways of coping with life and avoiding things I don’t want to think about. I haven’t been using alcohol to “relax”. I haven’t been able to use shopping as a source of distraction. I’ve been (with one notable exception) monitoring my food intake to make sure I’m not engaging in emotional eating. Could it be that I’m using overbooking myself as a replacement avoidance and coping mechanism?
If I’m too busy, I have an excuse not to complete the website renovation I want to do to align this website more fully with my message.
If I’m too busy, I have an excuse not to work on the writing project and risk failing or feeling “not good enough”.
If I’m too busy, I have an excuse not to put more time into meditation and cultivating awareness.
If I’m too busy, I have an excuse to come home and plop down on the catch–I need to relax, don’t I?
If I’m too busy, I never have to be alone with myself and my thoughts and feelings.
What do you think?
You are absolutely right! I wrote a whole chapter on this — why we allow ourselves to get so busy… how to say no to things… how to arrange tasks in groups so it doesn’t look so overwhelming.
And the biggest one… how much time in our busy schedules we actually waste (I know it’s hard to believe when we feel like we’re running ragged, but it’s true).
I think it’s great that you’re taking steps to take your life back. Those who do things do everything. Sometimes we have to just STOP.
I think you hit the nail on the head. I also think that your changes- no shopping, no booze, no emotional eating, may leave you feeling a tad punished, and socializing with loved ones may ease that feeling of deprivation.
As far as saying no and protecting my schedule, I have a hard time doing that sometimes simply because I *want* to do everything. I don’t want to choose between work, school, marriage, friends and family. I want to be all things to all people, and I don’t want to miss out on anything. If I say no at work, I worry about it affecting my connectedness, at the very least. School is expected of me, and I’m committed to it, so I hold it somewhat sacrosanct. Marriage and friends- these are the people I love most, the places where I get the biggest pay off, the long term commitments. Family is family, and so, to a reasonable extent, I’m bound by love and duty to maintain strong bonds.
It’s tough. Super tough.
Initially I’m inclined to agree with you, this is perhaps your coping mechanism for the things you’ve taken out of your life. However, I also like to play devils advocate and look at the flip side - think about this…
Everyone has a natural influx of social activity…sometimes our calendars are brimming over and sometimes it seems there is nothing…oddly enough they tend to coorespond with other things in our lives. Perhaps, this is not just your way of coping, but it is there because you have reduced other areas of your life which were keeping this one down previously. Perhaps this is part of the natural ebb and flow of energy and activity in your life. (think about the past year, are there times when everything seems booked and others when it is not booked at all?) Perhaps still this is just another area in the quest to find your purpose that if given a chance an opportunity will arise to help identify it.
Perhaps this is your excuse to look for an excuse?? Either way, the situation is what you make of it…negative in = negative out. Positive in = positive out.
Think about this -
Instead of “Why am I so busy? I just wish I had more time!”
Try - “I’m happy to have the opportunity to learn and grow (work travel), spend time with family that I don’t usually get, and have friends who enjoy spending time with me.”
Just a thought…
~K
I’m with you girl.
My calendar is a right mess as of late. I’m overbooked all the time, I hope things will slow down next month but even then…I somehow doubt it.
I think as long as the bulk of things are activities that you initiate and enjoy that is all that matters!
When your body is telling you to let go, please do or else you’ll burn out.
late to the party on this one but wanted to chime in that Ive so started turning down work.
I realized that so often I made myself over busy in an effort to distract myself from what’s really going on.
the same reason so many of us get into the car.
alone.
and immediately turn on the radio and call a friend on the cell.
I try to stay busy a lot of the time, too (even if it’s just being on the computer) so my mind will stay occupied and I won’t think about other things. Being in the car for over 6 hours by myself yesterday wasn’t fun — too much time to think.
swinging back again.
turned down a big project this weekend because I KNEW it would be great for me—-IN TERMS OF DISTRACTION ONLY.
baby steps to life changes huh?
What an interesting post! I have some friends who keep themselves so incredibly busy that I feel tired just listening to their schedules. I wonder where they get the energy and then think how boring my life must be in comparison, sometimes secretly wishing that I had all those things to do and accomplish (even if I have already accomplished them, how odd)…
But it makes sense ~ they might be filling a void or using their schedule to help them cope. It’s hard to some people to find a quiet space and appreciate it. Because then the thoughts come in and you KNOW you have time to do the things you don’t want to do.
Enjoyed this post a great deal!