I posted on Sunday about a disordered eating episode last week that really shook my self-confidence. I had been doing well for the past few months, and this slip snuck up on me and took me by surprise. It felt good to write about it, even though I didn’t go into detail. It was my way of saying to myself–it’s going to be OK. Healing is a process, and processes don’t have a beginning and an end.

Zandria emailed me after that post to let me know that she appreciated me sharing that experience, and that she’d like to work together on a project related to disordered eating. (She asked her readers for feedback–stop by and throw in your two cents!) The project would allow writers to deal with our own eating issues by sharing our experiences and eating habits while also doing some outreach to let others know that they’re not alone. So many people are affected by disordered eating, and it can be a very alienating lifestyle. Anorexics need to be alone to starve, bulimics isolate themselves to purge, and binge eaters hide themselves away to binge. It’s a very lonely place to be.

We thought that a good place to start might be to write about triggers and what we did or didn’t do when faced with them. I’ve got a great example…

I had dinner with an old friend a few nights ago. She’s known me for years, but she doesn’t know about my disordered eating issues (I don’t think she does anyway). She’s always assumed that I ate a lot because I had a high metabolism. My metabolism is indeed higher than average, but the truth is that I was out of control and binging, which was followed by… you get the idea. The point of all this is that she’s grown accustomed to seeing me overeat. Eating with her has become a trigger for me.

I had a plan going into the meal. I went online and picked out exactly what I’d order (an appetizer, an entree, and a side dish–no alcohol or dessert). Then I went to the bank and withdrew exactly the amount of cash I’d need to pay for my pre-selected items. I left my credit cards in the car so I wouldn’t be tempted to deviate from my plan.

I was pretty anxious when I got to the restaurant and pretty much immediately inhaled two pieces of bread. Oops! Fortunately, I was able to recognize that what I was doing was emotional eating, and I managed to rein myself in before I got too far out of control. My friend wanted us to each order an appetizer, and then share a third one. (She works out, looks great, and can definitely afford the occasional indulgence. She just wanted to try several of the items on the menu.) I told myself that I hadn’t planned to pay for (or eat) half of an additional appetizer, and I was able to stand firm with my original choice.

I wound up switching my entree from seafood to steak (same price), but I did it because I’ve been running more and I know I could stand to have the extra iron. I feel good about that substitution. I told my friend that instead of dessert, I was going to order a side dish, and I stuck with my original healthy selection–artichoke hearts. My friend ordered dessert, and she really wanted me to get one too (or at least to share hers). I was incredibly tempted, and it took a lot of mental effort to say no, but I did it.

To sum up:

Trigger: Eating with a friend who thinks of me as a “big eater”
Countermeasure: Planning my meal, bringing only enough cash to cover my pre-selected food

It may sound silly, but I’m so proud of myself for getting through that meal without losing control. Coming on the heels of my slip on Friday, I was afraid that I was headed for a major backslide. This success was exactly the self-confidence boost I needed.

I’d love some feedback from you. Would posts like this be helpful for those of you who experience disordered eating? Are there other ways to approach the topic that would be more helpful? What are some of your triggers, and how do you handle them?

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