A close friend of mine called me yesterday afternoon to tell me that the guy she’d been seeing had just ended their six-month relationship. Like any good girlfriend would, I picked up a bottle of cabernet and headed over to her place.

“Are you in love with him?” I asked.

“What?” she said, surprised. “No! God, no. I’m just…”

“Hurt?” I guessed.

“No,” she said. “Actually, I appreciate his honesty. We both knew it wasn’t going anywhere, and one of us was going to have to end it at some point.”

“So what’s upsetting you?”

“I just feel like this is not my life. This is not the life I’m supposed to lead. I’m not who I’m supposed to be, and I’m not doing what I’m supposed to do.”

My friend, like me, is a defense contractor. She feels like she’s treading water, a tiny cog in the unimaginably huge machinery of the federal government. She feels like what she does all day doesn’t mean anything, like nothing would change at all if she just stopped doing work (and I know exactly how she feels!). The end of this relationship was a wake-up call for her.

I asked her a few questions to try and get at what it is she feels she should be doing. After talking for a while, she came to the realization that she’s very drawn to disaster relief and the first responder community. This is something she’s always known deep down but had discounted because it doesn’t match her education and work experience. We talked about different ways to break into the field, and by the time I left last night, she was totally renewed and invigorated about the world of possibilities that had opened up before her.

It felt great to know that I had been able to be there with (and for) her as she tackled The Question (a/k/a, “What am I supposed to do with my life?”). More than that, it re-energized me in my pursuit of my own life’s purpose. I came up with my own plan to contact some people I know who teach in the DC school system and to begin preparing for the PRAXIS.

Are you living the life you’re supposed to lead? If not, what do you plan to do about it? I’d be happy to support you in your journey however I can!

Thank God, the Universe, and Whoever Else that it’s Friday!!!

I’m a bit crampy and a lot headachey, and I’m officially taking a day off from serious, topical posts. I still feel like writing something though, so I’m shamelessly borrowing Zandria’s Random Friday idea. Enjoy!

1. My husband and I are getting together with friends tonight and cooking Mexican food. I’m in charge of bringing beer, guacamole, and fish tacos. True story: I thought that “fish taco” was a euphemism for female anatomy until I was in my late 20s. I blame the Navy.
2. We’re going to see Wanted, the new Angie Jo/James McAvoy flick tomorrow. It sounds like it’s right up my alley. In my opinion, a good movie contains (1) multiple car chases; (2) physics-defying special effects; and (3) at least one explosion. I like my movies loud and improbable. My least favorite movies are (1) chick flicks; (2) anything with Meg Ryan and/or Nicholas Cage–they both inexplicably annoy the bejesus out of me; and (3) sad and/or “heartwarming” movies (I cry at the drop of a hat as it is–I don’t need any additional provocation. This heart is warm enough, thankyouverymuch).
3. I love love LOVE my personal trainer, Donald. He’s not intimidating. He pushes me without being mean. He understands that running always has and always will come first to me and designs my workouts accordingly. I got so lucky when the gym assigned him to me!
4. I was a smoker through my late teens and early twenties. (I was in the Navy and everyone smoked. I figured that I might as well smoke because at least I’d have a filter in my mouth. The logic of a 19-year old.) I still smoke 3-4 cigarettes per week–psychological need more than physical at this point, but NO MORE. I am casting off the chains of oppression and going totally smoke-free. Viva clean lungs!
5. It’s 9:49am as I write this, and I am STARVING. Is it too early for lunch?

What random tidbits are on your mind today?

One of my life goals, something I absolutely must do before I die, is to run a marathon. I’m currently training for the Marine Corps Marathon, which will take place on October 26. I’ve tried training for a few marathons before, but I’ve always gotten hurt about 2/3 of the way through the training process and been unable to run the race. (Not this year, though. Nope. This is THE YEAR OF THE MARATHON.)

I’m doing everything right this time around. I’m following a training program and being careful not to overdo it. After years of avoiding strength training like the plague, I’m taking personal training sessions, which will strengthen my hamstrings (which are my most injury-prone area) and keep me from getting hurt. I’m eating well and getting plenty of rest. I’m drinking water like it’s going out of style.

Oh, and I’m doing regular visualization exercises.

That’s right. Every single time I go for a run, I imagine myself running the last few miles of the marathon. (I’ve seen the MCM a couple of times, so I’m familiar with the course which makes this fairly easy to do.) I imagine the crowds of people lining the course. I picture my husband, my parents, and my sister screaming my name as I run by. I visualize myself running across that finish line, feeling the elation I’ll experience when I achieve this lifetime goal. Visualizing that moment gives me a huge surge of joy and energy and gets me through the longest of long runs.

Interestingly enough, visualization also strengthens muscle memory. I read an article (which, naturally, I can’t find now) about a tennis player who was injured and out of the game for a few months. As he was recuperating, he engaged in hours of “mental practice” every day–the same amount of time he’d dedicated to physical practice. When he was finally permitted to return to the court, his doctors were amazed to find that he was playing at 90% of his peak performance level. Amazing!

I’m sure you’ve all heard the old chestnut, “If you can believe it, you can achieve it.” And maybe you’ve also heard “I’ll believe it when I see it.” If you put all that together, you get this: If you can see [visualize] it, you’ll believe it; and if you believe it, you’ll achieve it. It makes sense, doesn’t it? I mean, if you can’t even imagine yourself achieving your goal, how will you ever have the drive, self-confidence, perseverance, and motivation to cross that finish line?

Do you have a visualization success story?

Regardless of where we are in life, we all have goals. A college student might want to get an A on her psych final. A young professional might want to pay off her credit card or get a promotion. A fitness buff might want to finish a triathlon or complete the 100 pushup challenge. Purpose-driven goals might include writing a book or starting your own business. Most of us have a running list (mental or written) of things we want to accomplish, and we’re slowly but surely working toward achieving those goals.

But we all have those days, don’t we? You know the ones–when you’re PMSing and it’s raining outside and you just don’t feel like running. Or when the baby kept you up all night and you argued with your husband and your heart’s just not in studying for the MCAT. Or when you decide to eat lunch out for the eleventh day in a row (even though that money could be paying down the Visa) because it’s just so much work to pack one.

I’ve been having more than my share of those days lately, and I’m looking for more ideas of how to keep myself motivated. I’d like to build up a motivational “toolkit” that I can draw upon when I’ve got a case of the blahs.

Here’s a list of things that motivate me now:

• Music. When I hear “Eye of the Tiger”, I can’t help but feel pumped up.
• Accountability. Knowing that I will post about any disordered eating struggles is a big motivator for me to stay on the healthy path!
• Having someone depend on me. If I commit to meet a friend at the gym, I can’t stand the thought of being late or cancelling. I’ll get there no matter what!
• Quotes. Like this one… “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” (Winston Churchill)
• Success stories. I love to hear stories about people who’ve beaten the odds and overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles to achieve their goals.
• Rewards. Knowing that I’ll get something special for meeting a goal gives me something to work for and look forward to.

What do you recommend? What really gets you going?

I’m taking Janssen’s lead and copying the “My Town” feature from Real Simple where residents of a city talk about what to see, do, and eat in their hometown. Janet is collecting the answers and creating a page of personalized city recommendations. You should play along!

My DC

Age: 30.

Occupation: Defense contractor.

I’ve lived here for: Five years.

I live here because: I wanted to study international security and work for the U.S. government, and this is kind of the best place to do that.

My neighborhood: Capitol Hill.

My favorite restaurant: Granville Moore’s. The chef is a friend of mine & he’s going to be on Throwdown with Bobby Flay on July 8. Check it out on the Food Network!

If you go to this restaurant, be sure to order: The blue cheese & bacon mussels and fries. Best. Fries. EVER.

My favorite museum: The Smithsonian Institution National Museum of Natural History.

My favorite tourist destination: The National Zoo.

Best insider spot: H Street.

My favorite area: Eastern Market.

Best place to go shopping: Georgetown. There are a ton of shops and restaurants–it’s a great way to spend an afternoon.

When you visit, don’t forget to pack: Comfortable shoes. With all the museums and shopping, you’ll be on your feet a lot!

But leave room in your suitcase for: Cheesy DC tourist items like “Friends Don’t Let Friends Vote Republican” T-shirts and CIA hats.

The one local cuisine you should try when you’re in town is: Ethiopian food. Seriously–it’s everywhere and it’s awesome.

The best way to get around: Metro or walking.

If I had to describe this city in one word, it would be: Intense. The politics are intense. The heat/humidity is intense (if you can help it, avoid DC in July & August). The tourist crowds are intense. The traffic is absolutely INSANE.

I tell my friends to stay at: The Phoenix Park Hotel. It’s about a 15-minute walk from my apartment, and it’s right by Union Station which has Metro, buses, and Amtrak.

The one thing most outsiders don’t know about this city is: Almost no one is actually from here, and the population is turning over all the time due to people who work on the Hill, military folks, and college students. Pretty much everyone I know moved here in the last 5 years and won’t still be here in 5 years.

They say “Virginia is for lovers.” So fill in the blank: DC is for career-driven people. In New Orleans, they ask you what you drink. In Boston, they ask you who your father is. In DC, the only question is “what do you do?”.

Janssen’s addition: What do you want to do that you haven’t done in your city yet? Go to the National Archives to see the Constitution. I can’t believe I haven’t found time for that in FIVE YEARS.