May 30 2008
Accidentally On Purpose
Most of you know that one of my paramount interests is to find and live my true purpose. For some time, I’ve been convinced that my purpose is to write fiction–novels, to be specific. Lately, though, I haven’t been so sure. This neither surprises nor upsets me. Figuring out your purpose is the work of a lifetime. I don’t expect it to be easy, and I don’t expect to get it right the first–or the second or the third–time.
I’m still kind of sorting through this issue, but here’s where I stand…
What I prioritize. There are certain things in my life that I make time for without fail. These include spending time with my husband, socializing with friends and family, running, reading, and–most significantly–updating this blog. Since I started this website, I think I’ve posted at least five times per week. I always look forward to writing for Semi-Charmed Wife, and I get terribly distressed when I can’t post. Interesting, no?
What I avoid. I have to force myself to make time for creative writing. It feels like a chore. I’m pretty good at it and IÂ enjoy it, but I’m not on fire for it. If writing fiction is integral to fulfilling my purpose, shouldn’t I be motivated to do it–not avoiding it like the plague? I thought for a long time that maybe fear of failure might be behind my resistance, but I think it’s deeper than that. I think I avoid it because I’ve proclaimed to the world that it’s my calling, and some part of me knows that isn’t quite right (or maybe it is–I’m still working it out). I’ll probably always write fiction as a hobby, but as of right now, I don’t think it’s my purpose.
What fascinates me. I do a lot of reading–books, blogs, informational websites, newspapers, magazines. If it will hold still and has words on it, chances are that I’ll read it (or at least skim it). When it comes to fiction, I love the sci-fi, fantasy, and supernatural genres. If I had to put my finger on why I love those types of books the best, I’d have to say because they stimulate my imagination. They prompt me to think and dream and imagine and visualize and push at the limits of what’s possible.
In the nonfiction realm, I love (obviously) reading about personal development–finding your purpose, setting goals, growing as a person… anything along those lines. IÂ enjoy reading about different religions and spiritual traditions–probably a legacy of the Comparative Religion and Culture Program I did while studying abroad. I also love reading about the intersection between science and spirituality (check out these articles for examples of what I’m talking about). So overall, my nonfiction reading focuses on personal growth, exploring spirituality and culture, and discovering new ways of thinking.
What frustrates me. I don’t know about you, but when I’m frustrated by something, I get really motivated to change it. It seems logical to me that things that frustrate us about the world, other people, or ourselves could provide insight on our purpose–what we’re here to change. I’m frustrated that so many people–especially people in their 20s and 30s (myself included)–have such a hard time figuring out what to do with their lives. I want to help people find their own path. I’m frustrated that many people have a kind of victim mentality about life. They feel like life “just happens” to them, and they chalk up negative experiences to “just my luck”. I want people to feel empowered and to realize that they–and they alone–are the architects of their own destiny. I’m frustrated that I see so much untapped potential all around me (including in myself). I want people to become enlightened, to see the truth of themselves and to take accountability for growing into the fullness of what and who they can become. It frustrates me to see people come up with reason after reason why they can’t achieve their goals. I want to help people stop making excuses and start living.
What I’m good at. I’m a good writer–writing comes as easily and naturally to me as speaking. I’m also an articulate and comfortable public speaker; unlike many people, I really enjoy speaking to large groups. I’m good at teaching, training, and mentoring, and I think I give pretty sound advice and counsel.
Who I want to reach. I want to reach anyone who’s searching for truth and purpose, any seeker who’s ready to take up the challenge of a lifetime and become the person they were meant to be. I feel especially drawn to helping women in this challenge.
You probably noticed that I bolded and highlighted key words and phrases throughout this post. These words feel important to me. They feel like they’re connected to my purpose, like they’re the key to synthesizing everything I presented in this post into a coherent idea.
I’d love to hear what you think. What comes to mind when you think about what I said? Does a purpose leap out at you? I’d also be happy to take a look at your responses in the above categories and see if I can help you make sense of them.
Have a great weekend!
I have just come across your blog from a link from MizFit’s blog and am delighted to find your page.
I’m currently just “speed browsing” while at work (ya’ll know what I mean, don’tcha?!) but will read more thoroughly when I get home.
Outstanding thought provoking blog — I think I am trying to change my life and find my true purpose in life as well.
Best wishes,
Sharon
There are days, lady, when I wonder if we are living the same life…except for the navy, married at 19, studying abroad, etc, etc…okay, living in the same mind.
I am a writer by talent. I am very very very rarely a writer by passion. I’m not doubtful at all in my talent, I graduated with a Summa level GPA in my English major, the toughest professors gave me A’s, people compliment my writing, I know I’m good at it. However, tell me to write what pokes at me to be written, and I’ll get back to you around a quarter to never. Give me an assignment, and I’ll have it for you tomorrow. One reason I am probably balking on blogging right now is having to come up with something by myself every day.
Ooh, there’s an idea, Hey MizFit, if you’re listening! Maybe I need you to give me assignments for my blog. Have your people email my people; we’ll discuss.
Anyhoo, even our interests are so similar; I’ve even said that if money was no object, I would go back to school for theology. Religion fascinates me as an academic subject. I have a strong faith, but the ins and outs of religion just blow my mind.
But helping people….ahhh, there’s the biggie. I know it’s in my purpose to help people. It’s the sort of thing I think about when daydreaming, my lottery fantasies are heavy on the charity work I would be able to carry out, while house-sitting this week, I constantly asked myself what more I could do to make their homecoming easy (I went grocery shopping for them without them knowing it), I think about what might make someone feel special or make their lives easier and then do it for them.
I think that the parallel to this “me first” generation we have so unceremoniously been pigeon-holed into is a whole set, big set, of people who truly want to lift others, who want to do good work, who want to serve, who don’t want to live under flurescent lights. I think that feminism is finally coming full circle, and the natural order is restaking its place, where women may very well want to work outside the home, or they may want to make their work inside the home, but having the choice is what we are finally demanding, and sometimes even getting. I think that more women, if given the choice, would choose home (not all, no judgment here, just pointing out that throughout the 90’s, there wasn’t really a choice at all but to have a two-income from outside the home household).
Jen, you are a coach, you are an inspirational writer. You have the gift to help people, you do it well through this blog, and you could do it magnificently as a career.
I’ve already written too much, but I’m here for you!
You would make an exceptional coach! You’ve helped me out, thus far!
I do feel like you about similar things. I would love to give inspirational speeches either in groups or one-on-one situations. I know personally that even though I DO love to blog, I know it’s a stepping stone into what I really want. I like to be around people, human interactions means more and even though you can get wonderful feedback from the computer, I like to be able to see the person I’m helping!
I think I’m an okay writer, I like writing but I’m not passionate about it.
Part of me feels that I’d show become a nurse and go work over in 3rd world countries, the other part of me wants to help teens and young black (or women of color) battle body, esteem and family issues because it’s more prevalent than others would like to think.
Some days I wish a lightbulb would go off and things would make sense but as I learn and grow I believe, “nothing worth having comes easy”.
Yeah, I don’t know how you can look at those highlighted words and not think “life coach”.
I wonder what kind of market there is for life coaching over the internet? Maybe that would be more accessible (read: affordable) to the masses?
VBC,
I know that the coach who mentored me is in process of launching some sort of online coaching initiative.
As I establish my business, I would definitely like to get into online coaching for my stepfamily niche so that it could be more affordable.
Live chat is so easy now that I think it would be a cost effective way of doing things. The drawback is that coaching is all about listening and tuning in. There’s a lot that doesn’t get conveyed when you can’t hear a person’s voice.
Personally, my business is set up to do all coaching over the phone. That way, you have the voice element, and it turns out that when you block the visual element, a coach is much better equipped to focus on the words being said, no judgment or physical impressions to make. A lot of coaches work over the phone, especially life coaches. It makes them accessible to anyone anywhere.
“Life Coach” is definitely up your ally and I think you’d thoroughly enjoy it. I also think you’d do exceptionally well as a Motivational Speaker for a cause that matters a lot to you. Maybe you can research into some ideas along that line and give them a try. It’s all about finding the right fit and being happy with it. I’m curious to see where your path will lead!
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Hi,
I just came across your blog and was inspired to write something back. As someone else wrote, I feel as though you are telling part of MY story!!! I too have a strong passion to find my life’s purpose (what’s the point, otherwise!) and I too have always said that I enjoy writing but haven’t entirely done so yet. For me, the quick answer is fear of failure, but as you said I’m sure there is more to it.
I am at work myself right now and would love to read more of this blog and other posts you have made.
Thanks and I’m glad to see someone else thinks similiar to the way I do.
Anna
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