Following up on Self-Esteem Week, Kel has written this great post about teaching self-esteem to our children. I’ve been reading her blog faithfully for a few months now, and absolutely love her new website, Cafe Kel. You must check it out! And now, I’ll turn it over to Kel…

Teaching our children self-esteem…is it really possible?

As a mother to two beautiful little girls I often wonder how am I qualified to teach them self-esteem when I struggle with my own? We all (as parents) want to give our children much more than we had. Generations before us have all had one common goal, to provide a better future for the generations ahead. The one catch…  how? The role of parenting does not come with a blueprint, it’s not like the hospital hands us a guide book on how to handle the situations that arise from raising children, and all we really have to start with is our own childhood, which isn’t always pretty.

Growing up I had to work for everything I got. In my own way I learned how to earn what I wanted out of life, this however did not equal self-esteem for me. I had a horrible sense of self-esteem, and even today I struggle with my perception of how good I really am. I learned early on that nothing was free, however in the same process I also learned that I don’t always measure up, that I can work, work, work and still not succeed, ergo I’m not good enough.

I look at my oldest daughter, who is 6 and now facing a world where I can no longer shelter her from life-at least not the life that is sunshine and flowers, where everyone gets along and differences between people don’t exist. Is there any real way to teach her that life is not always fair or that people can be cruel for their own pleasure without ruining her innocence? Is there a right way to teach her that hard work will one day pay off or that giving up is never the answer without exposing her to the other side of the coin? Is there really a way to provide my daughters the opportunity to try and fail, learn from their mistakes and still keep them from the harsh reality of life?

Almost every generation out there points blame to our parents for what they did or didn’t do for us as children, they did too much or they didn’t do enough, but where does that line lie? How do we know when is enough?

As a mother the best I can do is try. Some day’s this means letting her fight her own battles with the little girl who is mean to her, sometimes this is shielding her from the truth about why her biological father doesn’t call anymore. Innocence is a precious thing that can only be had once. There are things I would shield her from everyday if possible, but that is not realistic. The best I can hope for is to cheer her on when she reaches for her dreams and provide a shoulder for her to lean on when it doesn’t always end the way she’d hoped for.

My only advice for teaching our children self esteem is to give them hope, but teach them how to cope with what life brings and to always provide a safe place to come home to when they need it.

Tags: child-rearing, motherhood, self-esteem

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