I’ve been working diligently on my 101 things list, but it’s been kind of haphazard thus far. I wanted to set out a plan for the items I want to focus on in June:

• #13 Research & write a nonfiction piece (I’d like to start working on this in June, but it may take me longer to finish it.)
• #34 Wake up at 5:00 am every day for 21 days & #35 Meditate every day for 21 days (I’d like to combine these into one challenge starting tomorrow.) 
• #39 Go one week without complaining (Starts tomorrow)
• #41 Go one month without shopping (Starts tomorrow)
• #57 Memorize a poem that I love
• #81 Call one cousin per week for three months
• #82 Write a letter to my grandmother

Ground rules: 

Getting enough sleep is critical to good health, so if I’m up past 11:00 pm, I won’t get up at 5:00 am. However, every time I don’t get up at 5:00, I’ll add an additional day on to the challenge.

I have to meditate for at least 10 minutes in order for it to count.

Every time I catch myself complaining, I have to follow the complaint with a solution to the problem or another positive statement.

For the shopping item, these will be my guidelines:

• I already have a number of eating-out engagements scheduled this month. This is just the way my life is–I can’t really avoid it. I have both brunch and early dinner tomorrow, dinner on 6/3, brunch on 6/8, and dinner on 6/19. I will consciously choose the least expensive items I can find, and I will not schedule any new social events that require me to eat out!!
• Purchasing groceries (food, toiletries, other essentials) doesn’t count as shopping.
• Purchasing lunch out at work does count as shopping. However, because I occasionally get pulled into last-minute work lunches, I will allow myself one lunch out per week, but I have to keep the cost under $10.
• All other gratuitous purchases (gum, candy, sodas, bottles of water, magazines, etc) are off-limits.
• No purchases of clothes, books, gadgets, makeup, or any other non-essential is allowed.

Most of you know that one of my paramount interests is to find and live my true purpose. For some time, I’ve been convinced that my purpose is to write fiction–novels, to be specific. Lately, though, I haven’t been so sure. This neither surprises nor upsets me. Figuring out your purpose is the work of a lifetime. I don’t expect it to be easy, and I don’t expect to get it right the first–or the second or the third–time.

I’m still kind of sorting through this issue, but here’s where I stand…

What I prioritize. There are certain things in my life that I make time for without fail. These include spending time with my husband, socializing with friends and family, running, reading, and–most significantly–updating this blog. Since I started this website, I think I’ve posted at least five times per week. I always look forward to writing for Semi-Charmed Wife, and I get terribly distressed when I can’t post. Interesting, no?

What I avoid. I have to force myself to make time for creative writing. It feels like a chore. I’m pretty good at it and I enjoy it, but I’m not on fire for it. If writing fiction is integral to fulfilling my purpose, shouldn’t I be motivated to do it–not avoiding it like the plague? I thought for a long time that maybe fear of failure might be behind my resistance, but I think it’s deeper than that. I think I avoid it because I’ve proclaimed to the world that it’s my calling, and some part of me knows that isn’t quite right (or maybe it is–I’m still working it out). I’ll probably always write fiction as a hobby, but as of right now, I don’t think it’s my purpose.

What fascinates me. I do a lot of reading–books, blogs, informational websites, newspapers, magazines. If it will hold still and has words on it, chances are that I’ll read it (or at least skim it). When it comes to fiction, I love the sci-fi, fantasy, and supernatural genres. If I had to put my finger on why I love those types of books the best, I’d have to say because they stimulate my imagination. They prompt me to think and dream and imagine and visualize and push at the limits of what’s possible.

In the nonfiction realm, I love (obviously) reading about personal development–finding your purpose, setting goals, growing as a person… anything along those lines. I enjoy reading about different religions and spiritual traditions–probably a legacy of the Comparative Religion and Culture Program I did while studying abroad. I also love reading about the intersection between science and spirituality (check out these articles for examples of what I’m talking about). So overall, my nonfiction reading focuses on personal growth, exploring spirituality and culture, and discovering new ways of thinking.

What frustrates me. I don’t know about you, but when I’m frustrated by something, I get really motivated to change it. It seems logical to me that things that frustrate us about the world, other people, or ourselves could provide insight on our purpose–what we’re here to change. I’m frustrated that so many people–especially people in their 20s and 30s (myself included)–have such a hard time figuring out what to do with their lives. I want to help people find their own path. I’m frustrated that many people have a kind of victim mentality about life. They feel like life “just happens” to them, and they chalk up negative experiences to “just my luck”. I want people to feel empowered and to realize that they–and they alone–are the architects of their own destiny. I’m frustrated that I see so much untapped potential all around me (including in myself). I want people to become enlightened, to see the truth of themselves and to take accountability for growing into the fullness of what and who they can become. It frustrates me to see people come up with reason after reason why they can’t achieve their goals. I want to help people stop making excuses and start living.

What I’m good at. I’m a good writer–writing comes as easily and naturally to me as speaking. I’m also an articulate and comfortable public speaker; unlike many people, I really enjoy speaking to large groups. I’m good at teaching, training, and mentoring, and I think I give pretty sound advice and counsel.

Who I want to reach. I want to reach anyone who’s searching for truth and purpose, any seeker who’s ready to take up the challenge of a lifetime and become the person they were meant to be. I feel especially drawn to helping women in this challenge.

You probably noticed that I bolded and highlighted key words and phrases throughout this post. These words feel important to me. They feel like they’re connected to my purpose, like they’re the key to synthesizing everything I presented in this post into a coherent idea.

I’d love to hear what you think. What comes to mind when you think about what I said? Does a purpose leap out at you? I’d also be happy to take a look at your responses in the above categories and see if I can help you make sense of them.

Have a great weekend!

This post was featured in the Carnival of Improving Life–stop by and check out the other great articles!

Do you ever feel like you move through life as if you’re in a fog–like you’re not fully aware of what’s going on around you? Or maybe you feel like life comes at you too quickly to stop and savor the moment? Perhaps you’ve noticed that you have tunnel vision (you only see and experience what is of immediate interest to you) or that you tend to tune out your surroundings when you get stressed. I experience one or more of these feelings every day. Sometimes, I feel like I’m not really living my life.

I just celebrated a big birthday (I’m now a thirtysomething!), and it heightened my sense of time passing. I want to fully experience my next thirty years, to live in the now and experience each moment as it happens. I’ve been thinking about strategies for developing awareness and encouraging myself to experience life consicously and to really be in the present. Here’s what I came up with:

• Engage in regular meditation. As a “do-er”, this is something I have a very hard time convincing myself to make time for. But meditation is very important–it’s a way to slow the mind, to become aware of your thoughts, to learn to appreciate stillness and quiet. Isn’t sitting with myself for just 10 minutes a day as important as catching reruns of CSI?
• Have a moment of silence. If you (like me) have trouble getting yourself meditate, try observing a moment of silence–even if it’s just thirty seconds–several times per day. Just sit quietly, notice your thoughts as they arise, and then release them. You could build this into your schedule in any number of ways–immediately upon waking, just before bed, at mealtimes, during your shower, etc.
• Practice conscious eating. I’m half-awake for breakfast. I typically choke down lunch while taking phone calls and returning emails. I eat dinner while watching TV or surfing the Net. I want to start truly experiencing my meals. I’m going to make a point of eating slowly, paying attention to the texture and flavor of my food, observing my body (am I still hungry?), and savoring the whole experience.
• Engage your senses. Whenever it occurs to you, stop and take an inventory of your senses. What do you see? Hear? Taste? Smell? Feel against your skin? This is a very simple but effective way to heighten your awareness.
• Trigger yourself. Create a list of “triggers” that will remind you to focus on the now. Every time you hit a traffic light, you stop and have a moment of silence. Or every time you notice the color yellow, you take an inventory of your senses. I love this idea!

Do you have any other tricks for focusing on the present?

Yes, this is it. Today. My 30th birthday.

For some reason, I’ve been filled with anxiety about it, but the truth is that I feel pretty much the same as I did yesterday (except that my knee hurts–is that normal?). I think back to all the things I’ve said over the years that I’d do by 30–get married, have a child, write a book, travel the world, visit all 50 states. Some I’ve done, some I haven’t, and some are in progress. All in all, I’m in a really good place.

My life has been… odd. I’ve worked as a copy editor, a McDonald’s cashier, a cocktail waitress, a paralegal, a salesgirl in a clothing store, a nuclear propulsion mechanic, a program analyst, a trade specialist, a program assistant at a nonprofit, a barrista, and a defense contractor. I’ve lived in four countries and five states, and I’ve visited a total of 13 countries and 34 states. I’ve been married and a stepmother, divorced, and married again. I’ve trained for three marathons–only to get hurt and have to quit–and I’m training for another one (this is the year!!!). I’ve fallen down, gotten up, given up, and persevered. It’s been a real roller coaster ride, but it’s been great. I’ve learned a lot along the way…

30 Things I’ve Learned in 30 Years:

1. There are no unfixable mistakes. No matter how badly you’ve messed up, no matter how hopeless it seems, there’s always a way to make it better.
2. You have to learn to be with your pain–whether it’s physical, emotional, or spiritual. Trying to run from it, mask it, or drug it just makes it worse.
3. An ounce of self-confidence is work ten tons of experience. If you believe you can do it, so will everyone else.
4. Life’s too short to be miserable. Figure out what’s making you unhappy and change it.
5. Finding true love is the work of a lifetime. You can’t sit on the couch and expect the perfect man/woman to come to you. You have to put yourself out there. (Yahoo Personals worked for me!)
6. No one will do it for you. If you want your life to be fulfilling and amazing, YOU are the only one who can make it happen.
7. Trusting people and being vulnerable means that sometimes you’re gonna get hurt. Do it anyway. It’s worth the risk.
8. “I don’t know what I want to do” is kind of a cop-out. Most of us don’t have a clue, or even if we do, we don’t know how to make it happen. Pick something and start doing it. The rest will work itself out.
9. The most valuable thing you have is your time. Use it to do things that enrich your life. (A 12-hour Law & Order SVU marathon does not enrich your life–I’m still working on this one.)
10. Stop being so hard on yourself. Yes, you make mistakes, but so does everyone else. As long as you learn from them and try to do better next time, you’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to do.
11. Be good to your siblings, and forgive them when they’re not good to you. They’re the only people on earth who truly understand what your childhood was like, and they’ll be there long after your parents pass on. Don’t let them drift away.
12. Do something scary once in a while–it’s good for the soul.
13. Let it go. Whatever happened, whatever you did, whatever was done to you–make peace with it and let it go.
14. Try to take it easy on the booze. Nothing good comes from getting plastered on a regular basis.
15. Don’t glare at people who have noisy babies on the airplane. (Don’t you think they’d also like to enjoy a quiet, peaceful trip?) In a few years, it will be you or someone you love and you’ll look back on it and feel like an ass.
16. Call a friend or family member once a week–even if you’re the hermit-y “I prefer email” type. It means a lot to the people you love to hear from you.
17. Don’t try to teach someone a lesson. It never works, and they just end up thinking you’re an a-hole.
18. Learn to listen–really, really listen. When someone’s talking to you or even arguing with you, don’t be planning what you’re going to say while they’re talking. Try to hear them.
19. Love is not all you need. You also need peace of mind, self-respect, a sense of purpose, and an identity that’s all your own.
20. You can’t take things back. What’s said stays said and what’s done stays done. Keep this in mind–especially when you’re angry.
21. Don’t be an angry driver. We’re all just trying to get from point A to point B–the guy who just cut you off is not the devil. He’s just a guy. Refer to #13 and let it go.
22. When you feel depressed, give exercise a try. A good, heart-pumping workout can really boost your spirits.
23. Hold on to who you are, but not too tightly. Stick to your guns and stand up for what you believe in, but be flexible enough to grow and change for the better.
24. Don’t use credit cards. They will lead you down the path of financial ruin. Live on the money you have, not the money you want.
25. Don’t take yourself so seriously. Laugh more, stress less.
26. Try to forgive your parents. In most cases, they did the best they knew how to do and didn’t set out with the intention of turning you into a neurotic mess. Therapy works wonders!
27. Learn the difference between assertive and aggressive. Embrace the former and avoid the latter.
28. Be a volunteer. Committing to something bigger than yourself with enrich your life more than you can imagine.
29. Consciously do something nice for yourself at least once a week. Make a point of it.
30. Never give up. Never, never give up. Keep trying until the day you leave this earth.

I’m a sucker for infomercials. A while ago, I saw a commercial for an ab video that promised that I could get a washboard stomach without crunches.

Did I ever tell you that I hate crunches? Oh, friends–I do… I hate them.

Anyway, I ordered the DVD a few months ago. It arrived about two weeks later and has been sitting untouched in my bookcase. I finally cracked it open today and I did one of the three ten-minute workouts.

It was… meh. I felt it more in my lower back than my abs. Maybe it’s supposed to be that way? I’m going to try the other two workouts and give it a week or two to see if I feel a difference.

Have you ever made an unfortunate infomercial purchase?