Apr 18 2008
Overcoming Fear
First, thanks to everyone who commented or sent feedback regarding potential topics for future posts. I’m planning to do a series on leadership and a post on coping mechanisms in response to your requests. Please always feel free to make suggestions–I love hearing from you!Â
Speaking of which, this post is in response to a question from Aleta, who asked: “What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done?”
That’s a tough question! Let’s see… Well, I joined the Navy when I was 18. That was pretty scary. I was terrified to go to boot camp–I’d never done so much as ONE “boy” push-up in my life. I was honestly afraid that I wouldn’t be able to hack it. But I did–and I’m a much stronger person for it. When I was 23, I decided that I was going to spend two years overseas getting my Bachelor’s degree–this from someone whose only experience out of the country was a 5-day cruise to the Bahamas! And these weren’t easy countries–we’re talking China, India, Nepal, Turkey, Taiwan, and Thailand. I didn’t think I’d last the whole two years without giving up. But I made it, and my self-confidence increased exponentially.
What else? Oh, I went skydiving when I was 26–that was pretty scary, but also the most exhilirating thing I’ve ever done. I made the decision to have a prophylactic masectomy last summer after I tested positive for the breast cancer gene mutation. It was scary, but much less scary than having cancer. (Every woman on my mom’s side of the family either has, has had, or has died of breast cancer.) I got married again in December (I had a brief and absolutely DISASTROUS first marriage at 18), which was terrifying. It was hard to open myself up to someone again and take the risk of being hurt or failing. But it was the best decision I’ve ever made.
Those experiences pushed me to my limits in different ways–testing my resolve, determination, endurance, and persistence–but none of them qualify as “the scariest thing I’ve ever done.” The answer to your question, Aleta, is this…
Without a doubt, the scariest thing I’ve ever done is admitting my secret dream of being a writer to myself and others.
I’ve held onto this dream for years, keeping it so hidden that I wasn’t even consciously aware of it. Recognizing and “owning” my dream, admitting the truth to myself and to others, was the most frightening and humbling experiences of my life. I know that I want to be a writer. My friends and family know that I want to be a writer. The Internet knows I want to be a writer. There’s nowhere left to hide. If I don’t move toward this goal, people are going to ask me why and hold me accountable. I can no longer pretend that I’m satisfied with merely getting through the day.
And you know what? I’m actually doing it now. I’ve stopped thinking about it and daydreaming about it, and started talking about it and doing it. Even though I’m on the path, it’s still terrifying. What if I fail? What if I’m not good enough? What if I give up? What if, what if, what if…
The flip side of the fear, however, is the reward. I write pretty much every day for Semi-Charmed Wife. My articles have been picked up in online magazines and featured on other websites. I’m working on an e-book compilation of the best posts from this site. I’m writing short stories and working on a novel.
I am a writer, and that feels INCREDIBLE!
This post REALLY struck a chord with me.
Wonderful, excellent post and very inspiring.
Thank You.
Why is it always so hard for us to announce our biggest dreams?
I dabbled in a multi level marketing business a few years ago. Being young and naive, I didn’t really know the stigma attached to these businesses when I started telling people about it. The strange looks sunk in quickly, and of course, the inevitable sheepish, “Oh, I’m not doing that anymore” was painful.
So, when I decided I wanted to be a coach, those “you’re doing something weird and not normal” feelings crept back up, and I still have such a hard time telling people I know about my pursuits. It’s almost like I wanted to keep it a secret until I had a thriving business, but that’s not practical either. I started with my own family, who was supportive, and then some close friends. I waited until I was certified to tell my husband’s family. I am getting pretty good support from them now, too. Now I’ve been sharing with more casual acquaintances, and that’s just as scary. But the more people I tell, the easier it becomes, so I just continue to put myself out there. The good difference between this and the mlm is that I’m not actually soliciting business from people when I tell them about what I’m doing now.
One of the best fear relievers is when people tell me that my husband told them about what I’m up to. His belief and support is like a total confidence boost.
Great post! Sorry for babbling; it does feel good to announce that you are afraid to announce your deepest passion. As always, great post!
Thanks for sharing! This post totally rocks- and yes YOU ARE A WRITER:)
Thank you, Jen, for the response. I’m amazed by the things you have accomplished and pushed yourself through and what’s more, that the scariest thing was to ~ pursue what makes you happy.
That’s an eye opener. You’re right though, it’s not the idea of what makes you happy, it’s the idea of failure in something that you want to do that brings on the fear.
How many people are happy and fulfilled with their jobs? Are we where we want to be and can we take the steps to get there for the sense of satisfaction and joy?
I appreciate your honesty and thoroughly enjoyed reading the response! Perfect subject ~ Overcoming Fear ~ Kudos to you!
Wear it DECLARE IT!! It is hard announcing that you are something when its so common for people to want to keep you back from it, or burst your bubble, or rain on your parade.
YOU ARE A WRITER
Great, isn’t???
Congratulations on declaring yourself a writer. I too feel the same way since I started blogging…and I too am turning my original blog into a book…that is if I ever get the time to sit down and do my editing…but it is exciting to think about really considering myself a writer. You have to read my post about being among the literary at a recent writers’ conference…I had the same feeling as you describe…the same dreams…and it did feel great.
Judi
aboomerslifeafter50.blogspot.com
ayearto50.blogspot.com
As you probably already know, I love hearing about people overcoming their fears. You’ve certainly had a wide range of experiences in your life, and I’m sure you wouldn’t take ANY of them back — they’ve made you who you are today.