Apr 11 2008
Clichés for Living
We’ve all heard them–those chestnuts our mothers and grandfathers and neighbors would quote to us to guide us down the right path in life. Thinking of quitting your job without having another one lined up? You’d better not! A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Planning to buy a flat-screen TV and use the bonus you’re expecting next month to pay it off? Don’t count your chickens before they hatch! I love these folksy old sayings, and there’s a lot of wisdom in many of them. Then again, there are some we should just ignore.
Words to Live By:
- Don’t cry over spilled milk / You can’t put toothpaste back in the tube / What’s done is done. Truer words were never spoken. I’ve written before about my tendency to relive the past over and over again, replaying my mistakes and faux pas on a constant loop in my imagination. It’s so unproductive! It’s a waste of mental and creative energy–why, just think of all the writing my imagination could be doing if it weren’t so busy replaying the argument I had with my mother for the millionth time. These sayings are trying to tell us that once we’ve done something, we should let it go. Move on with life. Learn from our mistakes, and then put them behind us. Â
- If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. This is one of my dad’s favorites. If something is working for you, don’t let anyone (yourself included) convince you that you need to change it. So you get your exercise in by doing Richard Simmons Sweatin’ to the Oldies tapes instead of paying $75 per hour at your local pilates studio. So you keep your weight stable by counting calories and weighing every day instead of practicing intuitive eating. Who cares what anyone else thinks? If it works for you, stick to it and be proud!
- Cross that bridge when you come to it. Any other obsessive worrywarts and planning junkies out there? I’m not talking about the 401k, savings account, emergency fund kind of planning. No, I’m talking about my friend who got into a screaming fight with her mother over whether or not to invite a nasty aunt to her wedding and she’s not close to getting engaged. I’m talking about me, who nearly gave myself a panic attack the other day worrying about whether I’ll lose the baby weight and I don’t plan on having kids for at least two more years. Sometimes, we control freaks need to learn to let go of the reins and let life happen.
Words to Ignore:
- You can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Oh, yes you can. Look at my dad, who struggled to deal with anger all his life. In his late 40s, he stepped up, went to counseling, and is a completely different person than he was while I was growing up. Take a look at Morjorie Newlin, who took up bodybuilding at 72 years old because she was sick and tired of being unable to lift a bag of kitty litter. She’s won more than forty trophies in the 14 years since she started weight training. It is never, I repeat–NEVER, too late to learn new skills, create new habits, and completely change your life.
- One bad apple spoils the bushel. There is some wisdom in this–being around a poisonous and rotten person can certainly make your days much harder. But this saying presupposes that we have no control over how a “bad apple” affects us. This is simply not true. We can choose to respond to verbal attacks with sarcasm or with compassion. We can choose to react to a negative person by complaining or by being grateful. We may not be able to change anyone else’s behavior, but we absolutely have the power to refuse to allow it to affect us.
- You have to break a few eggs to make an omelet. I’ve heard this a lot in the business context, meaning that in order to climb the corporate ladder, you have to step on a few people along the way. I wholeheartedly disagree. I’ve done pretty well in my career, and I have yet to crush anyone else in order to get ahead. What this means is that I have a Rolodex full of allies, contacts, people who actually like me. That colleague you throw under the bus today could one day be your boss. What happens then?
What are your most/least favorite clichés?
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To quote my Dad, “If you can’t do it right the first time, then don’t do it.” He used to fuss when I would make the beds in the morning for the household (part of my daily chores) and if I did a sloppy job, he wouldn’t be pleased.
To quote my Dad, “He puts his pants on the same way everyone else does, one leg at a time.” This was when I asked him what it was like to talk to business folks high up on the ladder. I actually liked this lesson as it taught me from a young age that no matter what position we have in life, we’re all equal… we’re all people.
To quote my Mom, “You see your friends with your heart, not your eyes.” She told me about a childhood friend who her mother thought was ugly. My mom didn’t see her friend that way, because she knew the kindness of her friend’s heart. Another good lesson to learn at a young age.
From Dad: “An enemy of my enemy is my friend.” An old Arab saying, and it goes both ways- you can find solace in other people that have the same enemies you do, but beware, because a bond built on a shared hatred is a fragile one.
From Mom: “My job is to raise you for others to love.” Flush this one down the crapper already!! Her job was to raise me to be a self sufficient, productive, moral adult. Whether or not anyone loves me has very little to do with my worth as a person. This gave me a damn complex. I thought if someone didn’t like or love me, that it was my fault and I failed at something.
Re: making an omelet. I had an interesting talk with a mentor of mine a few weeks ago, as things with Drama Girl were reaching critical mass. He told me that I could “whack her” if I wanted to. He said “When I was your age, I would have whacked her and burnt her house down!”. You know what else he said? That is it was his work and not his people skills that furthered his career- all the egg breaking only earned him a reputation of being a loose cannon. Now he makes a point of making people feel good, no matter what the situation, and everyone wants to be on his team.
“Keep Your Friends Close, Keep Your Enemies Closer.”
I’ve heard this from multiple people through out my life. Where as, I think this is more a business mindset in high school this was my usual mindset.
Luckily, I have a select core of girlfriends that I don’t have to worry about this mantra but I understand the logic of it all.
First time poster, I love your blog. Very awesome.
My personal favorite is ‘birds of a feather flock together’. It really has been true in most cases.
Good post. You’re right on with the good and bad here.
While trying to remember similar sayings from my parents, the only thing I’m retrieving is how my mom used to respond when I would whine to her about something. She’d sing to me, “My heart bleeds for you.” It was an effective way of helping me realize I was being a whiny baby.
love? goals are dreams with timelines
hate? ANY KIND OF PLATITUDE WHEN IM IN CRISIS OR STRUGGLING. stuff like: breathe, breathe or “trust in the universe”
M.
[…] what you can do today. Yes, it’s another one of those nuggets of wisdom hiding in our common clichés and sayings. And what is this one telling us? STOP PROCRASTINATING. […]