Mar 26 2008
A Virtuous Woman: Charity
The virtue of the day is charity. We all know what charity is, right? It’s when we donate our time or money or service to a person who needs it or to an organization that helps people in need. Isn’t that it? Well, yes… but that’s not all. I consulted my handy-dandy dictionary and found not one, but two, additional and relevant definitions for our discussion.
(1) Benevolent feelings toward those in need or those in disfavor.
(2) Leniency in judging others; forbearance.
You see, I do pretty well with the first kind of charity–giving money or time to people in need. I’ve mentored kids, sent packages to soldiers, donated to charities, bought tickets in charity raffles, etc. No problem. I’ve got that part down.
But I’ve got a few questions for those of you that have done volunteer work in the past–let’s just say with the homeless. Have you ever resented the people you’re there to serve? Have you ever been put off by their smell or their appearance? Have you ever made silent judgments about what they must have done wrong to wind up on the street? Have you ever been disgusted by their hygeine? Have you ever been irritated by their willingness to accept handouts? I’m not proud of it, but I know that I could answer yes to more than a few of those questions.
Charity isn’t just about doing; it’s about feeling. It’s about looking at an unwashed, mentally ill, unstable homeless person and seeing a child of God (or whoever you believe is in charge) who deserves respect, kindness, and dignity. Looking at (1), “benevolent feelings” means harboring genuine goodwill for others and having a sincere desire to help–not helping out of a sense of duty or because it’s “the right thing to do”.
And take a look at (2)–”leniency in judging others.” That means that when someone cuts you off in traffic, you don’t immediately assume he’s an a*shole with no regard for others. You exercise leniency and forbearance. Maybe he just got fired. Maybe his wife left him. Charity means withholding judgment and giving him the benefit of the doubt.
Practicing charity isn’t easy. In many instances, it goes against human nature. It can be extremely difficult to override your gut feelings and instictive reactions and practice charity. It’s hard to maintain a spirit of giving, kindness, tolerance, acceptance, and goodwill, even in the face of bad behavior from someone else. But true charity is one of the most beautiful things the human race has to offer.
Where have you practiced or experienced charity in your life? What are some things we could all do to be more charitable?
Table of contents for Virtues
I work on this one so much. Lately, I’ve even been saying at my restaurant job, “I hate that this job makes me judge people.” By that, I mean that I look at people who make choices that make them less desirable to me. The person who has been sitting at my bar all night both nights I work, yet talking ad nauseum about how her kids are her world. Just makes me wonder where her kids are when she’s drinking beer for 8 hours straight.
I do try to stay mindful of this. In coaching, it is paramount that we don’t judge our clients, and I try to extend that into my every day life.
Always a great reminder!
I’m a judger. A very bad judger. I wield the eyebrow of judgment at the drop of a hat. I’ve tried reminding myself that people are just trying to find their way in the world, just like me. Still, I judge.
You know what, though? I’m not much harder on anyone else than I am on myself, and it’s occurred to me lately that maybe if I was more forgiving of my own faults and mistakes, I wouldn’t have a knee jerk instinct to judge others so harshly.
Maybe charity starts at home.
Hum, charity is something that I thought I did fairly well at (until you put it out there in its other forms.) I try not to judge others, I really do work on this, to each person their own. That being said, I still judge and often times find myself the recepient of someone else’s ill will and realize I don’t care what their situation. It is hard to be ‘charitable’ when someone else seems to be abusing the recieveing end.
Giving to a charity is easy, perhaps that is why I do this, why I associate charity with giving of a possession or time but not of giving anything else. The ability to give freely without judgement is the real charity, for all parties involved.
~K