Mar 24 2008
A Virtuous Woman: Chastity
At some point during the Lenten season, I encountered an article about the seven virtues (chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness, and humility), which are for Catholics the counterparts of the seven deadly sins (lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride). I thought it would be interesting to do a series of articles exploring what, if any, relevance those virtues have for modern women and how they might be integrated into one’ s life from a personal development perspective. I’m beginning the series with the virtue that seems the most difficult to translate into modern terms: chastity.
The word chastity conjures (at least for me) images of a medieval woman wearing some kind of iron undergarment.
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Yikes. Talk about uncomfortable.
For those who grew up in an organized religion, the word may be associated with feelings of guilt and shame about healthy sexual behavior. Chastity may be associated with sexual abstinence or the religious practice of celibacy. I must admit that I was surprised to learn that chastity (in the non-religious context) means “morality with respect to sexual relations.” Now that seems more like something that could apply to modern life.
What does chastity mean for those of us who aren’t nuns or medieval maidens? How can we have “morality with respect to sexual relations” and still have healthy, vibrant, and fun sex lives?
- Be honest. We’ve seen a spate of prominent politicians engaged in sexual escapades in recent years. Governor Elliot Spitzer spent $80,000 on prostitutes–this from a man who once broke up a call girl ring as New York’s attorney general. Senator Larry Craig’s “wide stance” had him defending his sexuality once again. The anger, betrayal, and hurt created by these situations stems from hypocrisy and dishonesty. We have a responsibility to ourselves, to our loved ones, and to the people we bring into our sex lives to be honest. Lying to and cheating on a partner is just… wrong. If you want out of a relationship, get out, but don’t deceive your spouse just to get your kicks.
- Respect yourself. Have you seen those ads for Girls Gone Wild (link is a great article about the phenomenon–not the actual videos)? TV cameras roll into popular destinations during spring break and capture wasted co-eds doing anything and everything for the camera. I’ve seen late-night commercials that showed girls being goaded into disrobing, fondling each other, and performing sex acts. Are they being exploited? Maybe. But the bigger problem is that they believe their sexuality is their only marketable asset. Many of these girls believe that appearing on a GGW video could be their ticket to fame and fortune. C’mon, ladies–don’t do this! It’s what’s between your ears, not what’s between your legs, that will be your ticket to success.
- Respect your partner. First and foremost, your partner should give (and legally be able to give) consent–this means that he or she is an adult, is conscious, and is not completely intoxicated. (I wouldn’t have thought this would be as much of an issue for women until Mary Kay Latourneau’s affair with a 13-year old boy highlighted the fact that females are just as capable of sexual misconduct as males are.) It also means that we should respect and honor our partner’s choices. My husband has a friend whose wife unilaterally decided to stop taking birth control, knowing all the while that her husband had never wanted children. So not cool.
- Protect your health. This one’s easy. Use condoms every time and, if you don’t want a baby, birth control. Get tested and take charge of your reproductive health.
Can you think of other ways that chastity might be relevant today? How do you explain this virtue to your children?
Be sure to tune in tomorrow for Temperance…
Table of contents for Virtues
amen.
honesty, people, is it really that hard?
M., who would NOT go on the podium and stand next to her man. well, at least she can not imagine a situation where she would
This is going to sound way old fashioned, but I think that people talk too freely about sex. I don’t mean sex ed, and I don’t mean friends telling secrets and giggling the night away. I mean coworkers, or other assorted strangers in general public situations; at the bank, grocery store, etc., who have no qualms about making sexual comments in casual conversation.
I was raised that sex is private, and that the privacy is what makes it special; that sex was something to be discussed in limited company, and that being too open about sex in front of mixed company (your grandma, the cashier at the 7-11) is what cheapens it.
I’m no prude, but I do get tired of shrugging off sexual comments and innuendo in casual conversation with strangers.
The other thing- short-ass skirts. If you can’t reach up above your head without showing folks your Christmas, you’re really showing us your lack of self respect. A glimpse at *my* Christmas is something diligently earned. So there.
Good post! I think you covered it pretty well.
I think that chastity really could use a good updating. Prior to the Industrial Revolution, teenagers were getting married, having sex, and bearing children. To assume that our physiological makeup can change in such a short amount of time is unrealistic. It’s all well and good to criticize teens for having sex and not waiting until they are “old enough,” but when is someone going to actually honor the science side of this issue? It’s not all morality and religous upbringing. It definitely is animal instinct to procreate. So, yes, I think that sex needs to be discussed in the home, in the church, in the places where we learn our values, and the subject of chastity needs to be approached in terms of love, commitment, and respect. Were these tools applied more often and more practically, I think the incidence of teen sex could go down, or at least be handled much more responsibly.