And now for the final installment in my series on virtues: Humility. Humility is the counterpoint to pride, which is considered by Catholics to be the original and most serious of the seven deadly sins. In religious terms, pride was what led Lucifer to the mistaken notion that he could take over for the Big Guy, thus resulting in his fall from grace and demotion to Satan. Humility is pretty much the opposite of that–modesty, meekness, courteous respect, lack of arrogance.

Pride in the traditional sense (narcissism, vanity, etc.) is probably not something most women struggle with. After all, aren’t we all so hard on ourselves? Don’t we spend way too much time being critical of our appearance, our homes, our parenting, our bodies, and pretty much anything else we can find? Yes, an over-inflated ego is probably not one of our problems.

Ah, but pride is insidious and sneaky. Do you feel like only you can clean your house “the right way”? Everyone else just doesn’t know how to do it properly. Do you have Supermom syndrome, where you find yourself over-scheduling your life with work, volunteer commitments, social outings, and activities for your kids, knowing that “you can do it” even if no one else can? If you’re a working mom, do you look down on SAHMs or vice versa? If you’re a vegan or vegetarian, do you look down on the unenlightened masses who continue to eat meat? Does it give you a self-righteous dash of pride to say at a barbecue, “No thanks, I don’t eat dead animals”? Have you ever felt better than a woman who chooses not to breastfeed or who feeds her kids packaged, unhealthy food? If you went to college, do you feel like you’re better or smarter than people who didn’t, even if they’re otherwise successful?

And here’s a big one–when was the last time you asked someone for help? Yeah, I know. That one gets me too.

I don’t know about you, but there are definitely areas in my life where I could stand to practice a little bit more humility. It’s incredibly difficult (humbling, one might say) for me to ask for help. I have tended to equate education with intelligence, even though neither of my parents went to college and they’re among the smartest people I know. Before I had surgery last year, I often felt superior to people who didn’t exercise. Three months flat on my back pretty much cured me of that, but I still have a lot of work to do…

What are your humility “trouble spots”?

Today’s virtue is kindness–only one more to go! Dictionary.com tells me that kindness is “the quality of being warmhearted, considerate, humane, and sympathetic; the tendency to be kind and forgiving.” This one is pretty straightforward, so there’s not much room for exposition or explanation. Instead, I thought I’d list some ideas for incorporating kindness into our lives.

• Forgive someone. One of my favorite quotes of all time is about forgiveness: “Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that crushes it.” Mark Twain. Isn’t that beautiful? Is there someone in your life that has wronged you or “crushed” you? Can you find it in your heart to forgive him or her? Forgiveness is wonderful because it benefits pretty much everyone–you, your transgressor, the people with whom you share your life. It’s a wonderful gift and an amazing example to others.
• Adopt an older person in your neighborhood. Weed her garden. Mow her lawn. Take her to get her groceries.
• Pay the toll of the person in the car behind you.
• Send anonymous flowers to someone who you know is having a hard day.
• Give someone you don’t like a genuine compliment.
• Bring cookies or coffee or flowers into work for everyone to share.
• Offer a few hours of free babysitting to a mom who’s having a rough week.
• Hand out balloons to children in your neighborhood or your child’s class at school.
• Give your partner a massage without expecting or accepting one in return.
• Cook a meal for your family with the intent of pouring all your love into the food.
• Give blood.
• Write a thank you note to someone who positively influenced you as a child.
• Tell your children and/or parents why you love them.
• Hold the elevator when you see someone rushing to catch it.
• Let someone in when you’re in heavy traffic. Give him a smile and a friendly wave.
• Tell your boss/employees what you appreciate about them.
• Call or email a friend with whom you’ve fallen out of touch.
• Apologize to someone you’ve wronged.
• Leave an extra big tip for your waiter.
• Befriend the new person at work, church, or school.
• Spend some time playing with a child.
• Ask someone about his or her day and really LISTEN.
• Pick up trash when you see it on the ground.
• Donate books to a school.
• Don’t raise your voice with your family. It’s fine to be angry, but you can express your frustration without yelling or name-calling.
• Do something nice FOR YOURSELF!

What are some other ways to incorporate kindness into your life?

The virtue of the day is… wait for it… wait for it… PATIENCE! Perhaps another casualty of the modern age. Do you remember the early days of the Internet? The dial-up days? It routinely took 20-30 minutes to load a page. Yeah. These days, if it takes more than 10 seconds to load something, I’m on the phone to the Dell call center in Bombay raising hell. Ah, technology.

No entry in this series would be complete without the obligatory visit to the dictionary. (It’s amazing. Last week, I would’ve sworn I knew the definitions to all these words, but there’s a lot of nuance that gets overlooked in casual language.) So, patience is:

(1) the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain without complaint, loss of temper, or the like;

(2) the ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay;

(3) quiet, steady perseverance, even-tempered care.

Like diligence, our culture seems to be evolving away from patience. Society doesn’t seem to encourage bearing anything without complaint. Got a headache? Take a pill. Having a run of bad luck? See a therapist. (Now, there are plenty of people who legitimately need therapy–I’ve been down that road myself. What I’m talking about is a general unwillingness in our society to experience emotions like sadness or anger.) Get cut off in traffic? Tailgate the guy for ten miles.

The notion of enduring negative emotions or experiences without complaint or loss of temper is just… kind of strange. Could that be part of what’s going wrong in our society–the reason we drink so much and take so many drugs (prescription and recreational) and either eat our way to diabetes or starve ourselves to death? Is the prospect of feeling sad or lonely or bored or angry or guilty so terrifying that we have to numb ourselves with whatever substance or behavior we like to indulge in? Having struggled with addictive behaviors in the past, I can’t help but wonder if cultivating a willingness to bear emotions without complaint could be part of the cure.

I like definition number three–”quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care.” Even-tempered care. I’m not really sure I know what that means, but it certainly sounds like something I’d like to work on.

What do you think of my theory? Too simplistic? Right on? Dead wrong?

Today’s virtue is diligence. Sounds like fun. Seriously, though–can we skip this one? It makes me think of things like hard work, persistence, and perseverance. My old friend Webster tells me that diligence is “constant and earnest effort to accomplish what is undertaken; persistent exertion of body and mind.” Geez. Can’t a girl take a rest once in a while? It all just sounds so… tiring.

Diligence is probably second only to Temperance when I look at the virtues that are most challenging for me. Here’s the thing–I am a FABULOUS starter. One of the world’s best, I’d wager. There is absolutely nothing I love more than a new project. Take my writing, for example. I adore the initial planning and outlining phase when I can let my imagination run wild. I make charts and plans and maps and schematics. I do the same thing with training programs for running. I love doing the research and making a chart and setting up the program. Where it all falls apart is the uh… you know, the actual doing part. Yeah, I’m not so great at that. I get bored and lazy and distracted and, to be perfectly honest, I give up.

So what am I losing by indulging in Diligence’s evil twin, Sloth? I’m losing the pleasure of a job well done and the joy of finishing what I start. Even worse, I’m losing out on realizing my goals. “Constant and earnest effort to accomplish what is undertaken.” Not sexy, but probably the single most important key to getting what you want out of life. Forget about “The Secret.” Forget about the Law of Attraction. Forget about get-rich-quick schemes and fad diets and miracle cures. Success is all about “persistent exertion of body and mind”. Diligence.

I worry that we as a society are forgetting how to be diligent. Technology has made things so much easier for us. Why should we memorize facts for history class? We have Google to do that for us. Why should we learn to graph quadratic equations? We can use our computers for that. Why should we reform our diets and exercise diligently in order to lose weight? We can just take Alli or get gastric bypass surgery. I’m all for progress, don’t get me wrong, but is it costing us our work ethic?

What do you think? Where do you exercise or see diligence in your life? Where have you seen it slip away?

The virtue of the day is charity. We all know what charity is, right? It’s when we donate our time or money or service to a person who needs it or to an organization that helps people in need. Isn’t that it? Well, yes… but that’s not all. I consulted my handy-dandy dictionary and found not one, but two, additional and relevant definitions for our discussion.

(1) Benevolent feelings toward those in need or those in disfavor.

(2) Leniency in judging others; forbearance.

You see, I do pretty well with the first kind of charity–giving money or time to people in need. I’ve mentored kids, sent packages to soldiers, donated to charities, bought tickets in charity raffles, etc. No problem. I’ve got that part down.

But I’ve got a few questions for those of you that have done volunteer work in the past–let’s just say with the homeless. Have you ever resented the people you’re there to serve? Have you ever been put off by their smell or their appearance? Have you ever made silent judgments about what they must have done wrong to wind up on the street? Have you ever been disgusted by their hygeine? Have you ever been irritated by their willingness to accept handouts? I’m not proud of it, but I know that I could answer yes to more than a few of those questions.

Charity isn’t just about doing; it’s about feeling. It’s about looking at an unwashed, mentally ill, unstable homeless person and seeing a child of God (or whoever you believe is in charge) who deserves respect, kindness, and dignity. Looking at (1), “benevolent feelings” means harboring genuine goodwill for others and having a sincere desire to help–not helping out of a sense of duty or because it’s “the right thing to do”.

And take a look at (2)–”leniency in judging others.” That means that when someone cuts you off in traffic, you don’t immediately assume he’s an a*shole with no regard for others. You exercise leniency and forbearance. Maybe he just got fired. Maybe his wife left him. Charity means withholding judgment and giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Practicing charity isn’t easy. In many instances, it goes against human nature. It can be extremely difficult to override your gut feelings and instictive reactions and practice charity. It’s hard to maintain a spirit of giving, kindness, tolerance, acceptance, and goodwill, even in the face of bad behavior from someone else. But true charity is one of the most beautiful things the human race has to offer.

Where have you practiced or experienced charity in your life? What are some things we could all do to be more charitable?