When you hear the words “goal setting” do you think, “Now that sounds like a good time”? How about strengthening your self-discipline–sound entertaining? Increasing your productivity? No? I agree. I think the biggest problem with personal development is that it’s absolutely no fun.

The basic principles of personal development are pretty simple, but most people (myself included) don’t successfully apply them. Why? Well, let’s look at self-discipline as an example. How would you go about strengthening your self-discipline? You’d start by doing something that you kind of don’t want to do (like get up an hour earlier). Once you’d successfully done that for a while, you’d take it up a notch and create a bigger challenge for yourself. You’d continue increasing the challenge until you reached the point where you had the self-discipline to do pretty much anything you set your mind to do. We’d all love to get there, but the process sounds so arduous and… well, un-fun.

So how can we fix this? How can we make personal development enjoyable? I’ve got a few ideas:

• Learn about YOU. If you’re anything at all like me, you love personality quizzes and career tests. There’s just something so rewarding about taking the Myers-Briggs and finding out that you’re an INFJ (any other INFJs out there?) and that’s why you’re such a freakin’ perfectionist. The insights you gain from these fun quizzes and tests could point you in a new direction if you’re struggling to find your purpose. Don’t spend too much time on them, but they’re definitely a fun addition to your personal development arsenal.
• Get a buddy. Find a friend who has a similar goal and work together. For example, two of my wonderful, fabulous online friends share my goal of being a writer. One of them suggested that we start a joint project that will allow us to write in a fun and supportive environment. I won’t want to let them down, so I’ll be sure to do my share of the writing. I’ll also get encouragement and critique and momentum from doing this. How could finding a buddy help you work toward your goals?
• Reward yourself. Let’s go back to the self-discipline example. My goal is to wake up at 5:00am, which requires self-discipline. I could set a reward for myself that, for every week that I successfully wake up at 5:00am, I get to spend a lazy, guilt-free two hours curled up with a book. Maybe if I make it the whole month, I get a new pair of shoes. Find a reward that motivates you and go for it!
• Don’t take yourself so seriously. Yes, personal development is important. Achieving your goals is important. Finding your purpose is important. But you know what else is also really important? Being kind to yourself. Laughing. Enjoying life. Finding the humor in your mistakes. Living in the moment.

Now, go forth and do something FUN this weekend!

Update: Day 16 is done. I didn’t wind up getting up at 5:00 am because I was up waaay past 11, but I did get up at 6 and get an hour of writing in.

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(Cross-posted at BlogHer) 

Today as I was struggling to get my writing done, answer my emails and phone calls, draft an entry for this blog, and manage my workload at the office, I really wished there were more hours in the day. There’s so much that I want and need to do, and there’s so little time. For example, I’d love to do some more writing after work, but I’m heading directly from the office to my volunteer commitment. Maybe tomorrow evening? Nope. I’ll be at a celebration dinner for a friend who just started a new job. Arrrrgh–I need more TIME!

Then it occurred to me–why not just make more?

There are a few ways to go about this magical feat:

1. Wake up earlier (if you’re a morning person) or go to bed later (if you’re a night owl). You’ll be adding an extra hour of time to the period when you feel your most bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Early birds may find themselves going to bed a little bit earlier. That’s OK–early birds aren’t at most productive at night any way. Likewise, night owls might find themselves sleeping in. Also fine.
2. Eliminate distractions. You know the hour you spent playing Spider Solitaire yesterday? Remove the game from your computer. Your marathon blog-reading sessions (I mean, you HAVE to catch up on all your e-friends)? Trim them to no more than 30 minutes. Your nightly ritual of watching three Law & Order SVU reruns in a row (my personal addiction)? Allow yourself one episode, tops.
3. Work smarter. Let’s say that I’m in the middle of editing a document for work. I’m rolling right along when my blackberry goes off–new email. I stop what I’m doing and reply. Now where was I? Hmm… I’ll just reread the last paragraph I was working on and– Phone rings. I answer it and spend 15 minutes discussing an unrelated topic. OK, now back to my document. This is THE WORST way to work. Women are excellent multitaskers–it’s one of our natural advantages, but don’t multitask yourself into non-productivity. Do one thing at a time. ONE. Give it your complete, undivided attention. You will find that you work much quicker and more efficiently than when your brain is bouncing around like a ping pong ball.
4. Plan ahead. Cook a week’s worth of lunches and/or dinners on Sunday afternoon. This will save you AT LEAST an hour a day. Organize your errand-running so that you aren’t driving back and forth across town. Make daily and weekly prioritized to-do lists. It’s amazing the difference that planning and organization can make in your life.
5. Learn to say no. If you find every night of your week filled with social commitments, activities/events for your kids, volunteer obligations, etc., then you need to learn how to say no. It’s tempting to try and do everything for everyone who asks (especially your kids), but the truth is, you just can’t do it all. Be selective.

Here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to start waking up at 5:00am every day (yes–even on the weekends). I already wake up at 6-6:30, so it’s not like it’s that huge of a difference. This would allow me to get an extra hour of writing done in the morning. The only time that I will sleep past 5:00 is when I’ve been up later than 11:00pm (I know that I need at least 6 hours in order to be functional).

What can you do to create some extra time?

* Day 15 was a success!

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A few days ago, I was talking to a friend who’s in the throes of a particularly nasty quarter-life crisis. She doesn’t know what she wants to be when she grows up (she’s 28), she has no idea what her purpose is, and she feels completely paralyzed. She asked me if I know what I want to do with my life. “Yes,” I told her, “I’m going to be a bestselling novelist.” She paused (a long pause, I might add) and said, “Don’t you think you’re setting your sights too high? I mean, shouldn’t you start with a short story or a magazine article?”

Um… Hell, no!

I don’t fault my friend for not being supportive. For one thing, she’s going through a very tough time right now, and for another, most people are terrified of big goals. Think about it. Wouldn’t you be a bit taken aback if your neighbor told you with a straight face that she was going to find a cure for cancer, or win the Boston Marathon, or become an astronaut, or be an Oscar-winning director? Your response might start with “Yeeeeaaaaah, but…” I’m guilty of doing this, too. Why are we so quick to discount the dreams of “ordinary” people?

Here’s the thing–no one is a born virtuoso. It’s all of matter of exposure, opportunity, and hard work. When I say exposure, I mean to ask–what would Mozart have become if no one had ever shown him a piano? What would Martin Scorsese be if he had never seen a movie? At some point, you have to be exposed to something that ignites your passion. This is why it’s so important to make a diligent effort to find your purpose–it might be something you’ve never been exposed to, and you won’t find it if you don’t look.

As for opportunity and hard work, the two go hand in hand. Remember Jewel, the singer? Lucky girl, right? Probably had a pretty nice life since she made it big in the late 90s. Well, it didn’t start out that way. She grew up in Alaska in a house with no indoor plumbing (outhouse in Alaska? Brrr!). In high school, she learned to yodel and play guitar, and she started writing songs at 17. For a few years, she lived in her van doing street performances and playing small clubs. But she kept putting herself out there, creating opportunities to get noticed, and working hard, and you know what? She made it. I bet her high school classmates laughed their asses off when she said she was going to be a famous singer one day. I bet they’re not laughing now.

So go ahead, think big. Set your sights as high as you can dream. What’s your impossibly huge goal? Leave a comment & let me know–I promise, I won’t laugh.

Day 14 is done–one week to go!

This post was included in the Personal Development Carnival at The Next 45 Years. Stop by to check out all the great articles!

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I have what I like to call “Selective Short Attention Span.” When I’m doing something that I consider entertainment, like watching a movie or reading a good book, I can focus for hours. When I’m doing other things (i.e., work, paying bills, writing), I’m as distractable as a 3-year old in Toys R Us. (Example: I’ve already stopped to check both my work and personal email accounts while writing the FIRST PARAGRAPH of this post.)

Part of this is a self-discipline issue, I’m sure, but I believe that part of it is due to the increasingly frantic, disjointed nature of working and playing online. I carry a work Blackberry with me at all times. If I get an email, I immediately stop what I’m doing and check it. Same with the cell phone. If I’m reading an article online, and there’s a link mid-paragraph to another article, it’s not at all unusual for me to spend 40 minutes following links to read seven articles when I meant to spend five minutes reading one. Madness!

I’ve been doing some research (online, natch) to try and understand this problem and develop strategies for improving it. I’ve listed below some of the tactics I plan to try:

• Exercise: Studies have shown that aerobic exercise elevates chemicals that ADD brains are short on.
• Practice deep breathing: I found a ton of material that recommended deep breathing as a way to maintain focus. I know that I tend to take tight, shallow breaths, so I figure that–even if it doesn’t help the old attention span–it certainly can’t hurt me.
• Improve memory and observation skills: I don’t know about you, but my short-term memory is SHOT. I tell people the same stories over and over again, and I couldn’t tell you what I had for lunch today. A few sources recommended memory exercises (like studying a picture for a few minutes, then trying to list all the items in the picture). This will improve memory and observation skills, which will in turn improve focus and attention span. Makes sense to me.
• Cut down on TV and Internet time: Numerous studies have highlighted the link between increased TV/Internet time and decreased attention span in children. I think it stands to reason that it could have a similar effect on adults.
• Meditate: For some reason, meditation is something I’ve always avoided. It always seemed like such a waste of time to just sit and do nothing–not even think. But I think it could make a huge difference in my life. (This will be my next 21-day makeover.)

I’m hoping that implementing some of these strategies will improve my attention span and increase my productivity both at work and in my writing. If you have any ideas or tips, I’d love to hear them!

Oh, and I successfully completed Days 12 and 13 of my 21-day makeover–almost to the two-week mark!

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I’ve been on an emotional roller-coaster for the past couple of days. At times, I was irritable, weepy, and frustrated. There were also moments when I felt strong, centered, proud of myself, and blissfully happy. (And no, there’s no hormone-related reason for this.) I’d had a terrible week at work, so I was sure that has something to do with it, but it didn’t feel like the whole answer.

I hate feeling like I’m at the mercy of my moods, so I had to figure out what was going on. I kept a log of my emotions from Wednesday until today. This is a great technique for isolating why you’re feeling the way you’re feeling at any given moment. For instance, you might notice that you’re very anxious every time your best friend calls, or that you get a splitting headache when you have a deadline approaching at work. I can’t recommend it enough. All you need to do is make a quick note when you notice a strong emotion, being sure to describe any circumstances or events preceding that moment that could have contributed to the feeling. Don’t look over your results until you’ve completed at least three full days of charting.

Here’s what I noticed:

• It’s very easy for me to let one bad moment (making a mistake at work, snapping at someone, etc.) ruin my mood for an entire day. I noticed that my worst feelings often correlated to me replaying negative events in my head. Over and over and over again.
• If I put off writing until late in the day, I become very angry and frustrated. The more upset I get, the less I want to write.
• If I write in the morning, I’m more focused, centered, and self-confident for the rest of the day.
• Immediately after I finish writing, I’m often overcome with anxiety. I find myself wanting to go back and read over every word I wrote and “fix” it. This is my fear coming out–fear that I’m not good enough to make it as a writer. An hour or so post-writing, these feelings go away and I feel proud of what I’ve written.
• Being alone when I’m feeling anxious or stressed makes me feel worse, even if it’s what I think I want.
• During my workday, I alternate between extremely stressed and profoundly bored.

Maybe these aren’t earth-shattering conclusions, but this exercise opened my eyes to a few areas where I can make changes to improve my life. First, I want to stop replaying bad things over and over in my head. It’s a very unhealthy habit. Second, I need to write in the morning, period. No matter what time I have to get up. Third, I need to address my fears and insecurities about writing. Fourth, rather than isolating myself when I feel bad, I need to seek out human contact–even if it’s just a phone call.

Finally, it is increasingly clear that my job is very unhealthy for me. I made a commitment to my husband that I won’t quit until I’ve paid off certain debts. So what I need to do is find ways to focus on the fact that this is a temporary situation and it won’t be long until I’m free. Free!!!

I’m moving in on the two-week mark of this life makeover, with Day 10 and Day 11 successfully behind me. I’m over halfway to a permanent habit!

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