I’ve seen a few blog posts lately (here’s one example) about how difficult it is to find your purpose. What is my passion? Why am I here? What am I supposed to do with my life? These questions, which are part and parcel of–but by no means limited to–the quarter-life crisis phenomenon, can torment a person into a tailspin. I’ve seen many of my friends (and myself) downward spiral into pointless jobs, bad decisions, and emotional misery–all because of questions like these.

Strangely enough, I’ve found that one technique that worked for me was asking more questions. Here’s a list of questions that were helpful for me in figuring out what I want to do with my life. Hopefully, they’ll be of help to you as well!

1. What did I like doing as a child? I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but one of the best ways to find your true passion is to look back to your childhood, before your dreams were tainted by notions of what you “should” do. I loved playing make-believe. I made up stories about my imaginary friends and the adventures we had together. That could have revealed a passion for writing, acting, directing, or any number of creative pursuits. The interpretation is up to you.
2. What makes me cry? Do you tear up when you see commercials about the National Guard? Maybe the idea of protecting others appeals to you. You might be a great policeman, firefighter, FBI agent, or children’s advocate. Does watching the Biggest Loser reduce you to a sniveling mess? You might want to help others get healthy–perhaps as a doctor, nutritionist, or physical trainer.
3. What do I hate about my current job? Ah, this one is interesting. My least favorite part of my current job is drafting and revising documents for my client. Hmmm… but don’t you want to be a writer, you say? YES. That’s why it KILLS me to spend all day writing stuff I don’t really care about. The things you hate may give you a clue as to what you love.
4. What do I do for fun? Do you watch TV or movies? What kind? Are they all comedies? Thrillers? Is there a common theme? What’s your favorite book? Why? Do you love risky past-times like rock-climbing and motorcross? “Organized” hobbies like stamp or coin collecting? All of these things can be clues to what you’re on this earth to do.
5. What are you really good at? This one is tricky. I’m good at math, but it’s not related to my purpose. I’m also good at writing, and that IS related to my purpose. Your skills and abilities may not exactly match up with your purpose, but there will be some overlap.

Be sure to visit the “What’s my purpose?” group in the forums to discuss your specific questions with me and with other readers. Feedback from others can provide interesting insights…

Have a great weekend!

This post was included in Frugal Dad’s weekly roundup and the Carnival of Life Worth Living and was featured in the Wisdom Journal–stop by and check out the other great posts!

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What a difference a few days can make! The past couple of weeks have been so stressful and frustrating. I’ve been struggling to maintain my emotional equilibrium and keep my head above water. At the beginning of this week, I felt so trapped and helpless. I didn’t like how things were going and I was angry about it. I was spending a lot of time complaining and indulging in self-pity. All I could think about was how miserable I was.

Then, I wrote this post. I don’t know exactly what happened, but writing that post and implementing those strategies snapped me out of my funk. Ever since, I’ve felt strong and positive and in control. The circumstances of my life haven’t changed (except that my husband is home from his business trip)–my job is still stressful, I still struggle with technical issues on my website, I still feel overbooked socially–but my outlook has totally changed. What is this wonderful magic, and how can I make more of it?

Giving up complaining and practicing gratitude have been critical in shifting my mindset. Focusing on the positive things in my life instead of the negatives has just… I don’t know, made me so much more joyful. It’s absolutely amazing how much of an impact this small change has had in only a few days. Recognizing what I can and can’t control has also been instrumental in improving my frame of mind. I had wasted a great deal of time and energy agonizing about things I simply can’t change. No more.

But I think it’s more than that. I think a substantial factor in my successful turnaround has been in achieving goals aligned with my purpose. Yesterday was the final day of my 21-Day Makeover. My goal was to write for at least an hour every day with the intention of creating a strong “writing habit.” I successfully completed that goal, and I’ve got to tell you, it felt great. I felt like I was doing what I was supposed to be doing.

And earlier this week, I created a forum for achieving weekly goals. I set a goal for this week of writing 20 pages of my novel by March 2. I’ve already written 12 pages since Monday–I’m over halfway there. (Interestingly, I also set goals unrelated to my purpose–exercise, for one. I haven’t been nearly as successful there. Coincidence? I think not.)

Achieving goals that are aligned with my purpose has been completely energizing and refreshing. Perhaps the key for me to be successful in other areas is to think about the goal in terms of my purpose. For example, my goal is to exercise for 30 minutes four times a week in order to give me more energy and mental stamina for writing. Hmmm. Something to try with next week’s goals…

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I originally posted this on Sunday, but I’m reposting it today because I finally have the forums working (read on for more info)! I hope you’ll join in the weekly goal support group. If you’re already participating, drop by the forum and leave an update. There’s also a link to the forums in the right hand sidebar.

One of the most important things you can do to facilitate achieving your goals is to find support. Want to lose weight? Join Weight Watchers. Want to quit drinking? Attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. Want to write a book? Join a writers’ mutual critique group. Sharing your goals with others is an excellent way to get support and encouragement. Stating your goals in a public forum also adds the element of accountability. All in all, it’s a great way to boost your goal-achieving efforts.

Based on an excellent suggestion from Leah, I’ve added a new feature to Semi-Charmed Wife (along with the excellent redesign my husband did yesterday–LOVE IT, baby!). In my right-hand sidebar, you’ll find a link labeled “Forums“. What I’d like to do with the forums is start a weekly goal support group.

Every Monday (or at any point you want to start–feel free to jump in for this week!), we can all log in and post our goals for the week. You can post any type of goals from organizing the kitchen cabinets to finishing a knitting project to losing a few pounds to doing some creative writing. After you post your initial goal, you can check back in every day to update everyone on your progress and offer advice, encouragement, and suggestions to others. You have the option of creating an account for the forum using the “log in” link in the right-hand sidebar, but you are also free to post as a guest.

I’m really looking forward to having your support as I work toward my goals, and I’m looking forward to hearing about your goals and supporting you however I can. Be sure to stop by and post your goal!

If there are any additional forum topics you’d like to see, send me a quick email and I’ll add them.

… make lemonade. Or, in my case, cry about it, b*tch to your husband, throw a minor tantrum, melodramatically insist that you cannot go on another day, grudgingly accept your circumstances, and make some damn lemonade. With Splenda, because you haven’t been working out lately.

I am officially having ONE OF THOSE WEEKS. My job is… oh, where to start? Ah. Completely frigging miserable. It is preposterously stressful, contentious, combative, and frustrating. My husband is applying for jobs in another city, so there’s a chance I’ll be able to quit soon, but I can’t really start applying for other jobs because I don’t know how long we’ll be in the area. So I’m trapped for the moment. Then one of my friends did something incredibly selfish and hurtful. She’s completely unapologetic, which makes it even harder to get over. My weekends are booked from now through April and I feel like I never have any time. Something is going on with my website–I can’t get the forums working and I have to write my posts in HTML. And on top of everything, my husband has had to travel a lot for work lately. He’s out of town right now and thus unable to tell me that I need CALM THE HELL DOWN.

Deep breath.

OK, I think I’m done whining now. But seriously, what should we do when it seems like everything is going wrong? Is there any way to make it easier on ourselves? Here are some strategies I’m going to try:

• Recognize that you are in control of your life. Even though it may feel like I’m trapped, I’m truly not. I could walk up to my boss right now and quit and there’s nothing that anyone could do to stop me. I am consciously making the choice to continue in this job. Owning that choice somehow makes all the B.S. easier to bear. Check out Frugal Dad’s great article on choice for more on this topic.
• Be grateful. I am so fortunate. I have a wonderful, supportive husband who believes in me. I have a wonderful family–including an adorable niece who turns one in a few weeks. I have awesome friends. I know what I want to do with my life and I’m working toward it. I have a job that pays well, and I love my boss and coworkers (the client, on the other hand, NOT SO MUCH). Wow. Even just writing this paragraph has hugely improved my mood.
• Practice letting go. I have no ability to control the INSANE behavior of my client. I can’t make my friend apologize for being inconsiderate. I have no power to change the mysterious inner workings of my website (I leave that to my husband). I can’t change these things, so I may as well let them go and focus on what I can change. I can change my attitude. I can change my reactions. I can change my environment. I can change how I cope with stress. If you can’t change it, let it go.
• Stop complaining. For the last week or so, I’ve spent a few hours every day complaining about work. What does this do? It reinforces the negative feelings I already have and focuses my attention on everything that’s going WRONG instead of enjoying the things that are going RIGHT. This does me absolutely no good.

Seriously. Just writing this post has made me feel a thousand times better–I can’t imagine what an improvement I will feel from actually implementing these suggestions!

For those who would like to participate in the Weekly Goal Support Group (my husband hopes to have the forums up and running tonight), stop by the original post to leave a comment and post your goals or let us know how you’re doing so far this week. And I’ve successfully completed 20 days of my 21-Day Makeover–tomorrow is the final day!

This post was included in The Next 45 Years Personal Development Carnival–check out the other great entries!

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There’s some kind of glitch with the Forums, so stand by until my husband can get it working for me. In the meantime, feel free to post your goals in the comments section of the “weekly goal” post. Sorry about the technical problems!