Archive for January, 2008

Jan 23 2008

Color Me Skeptical

Published by admin under Miscellaneous

(Cross-posted at BlogHer)

I don’t get it. I must be missing something, some critical piece of information that would help me understand how a wall is going to solve our illegal immigration problem.

Forgive my ignorance—I’m no expert on immigration, but what about complicated counter-wall tactics like ladders and tunnels? How will we handle the “to hell with it, let’s drive a pickup into that mo-fo and see if we can bust on through” approach? What if people just go around it? Since when has a wall ever stopped a determined human from getting where he or she wants to be?

There are an estimated 10-20 million (yes, the numbers really do vary that much) illegal immigrants in the United States. Most of them break their backs doing menial jobs (harvesting crops, working construction, serving as domestic labor) for ridiculously low wages. Are they breaking the law by being here? Yes. But they’re also a crucial part of the underpinning of our economy. Our economic success was paid for in part by their blood sweat and tears. The bottom line is that we need them.

Case in point—a colleague of mine recently visited Yuma, Arizona to see an old friend. As he was showing her around town, she noticed that some of the border posts were not manned. When she asked why, her friend told her that it was lettuce season. The posts aren’t manned during lettuce season so that illegal immigrants can cross over and pick lettuce. Her friend said that the posts would be staffed again once lettuce season ends—at least, that is, until broccoli season arrives.

That’s right—we need them. And immigrants can actually be good for America in other ways, too. According to Reason Magazine, “More than 60 percent of illegals—illegals—pay income tax and two-thirds kick in to Social Security (money they, like many of us, probably will never see again); Hispanic unemployment is barely above the national average and Hispanics start their own businesses at three times the national average; immigrants are ‘generally less involved in crime than similarly situated groups’; and that crime rates in border towns ‘are lower than those of comparable nonborder cities.’”

Regardless of whether immigration if good or bad, I simply don’t think the wall is going to work. Imagine that you’re a desperate immigrant who has walked hundreds of miles through the desert to the American border. When you get there, you see a wall. Are you going to turn around and go home? Hell, no. You’re going to find a way over, under, around, or through the damn thing. In fact, the Washington Post asked the sheriff of Maverick County, Texas how he thought illegal immigrants would deal with the wall. His response: “They will get ladders made out of mesquite and climb it.”

A wise man, that Sheriff Herrera.

So let’s not spend billions of dollars on a border defense that can be defeated by three hungry immigrants and a pile of driftwood. Surely we can do better than that.

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Jan 16 2008

Dating Is a Full-Time Job

Published by admin under Advice

What would you do if you wanted to buy a car? You’d probably start saving money for a down payment. You might read a few articles to figure out which one has the best gas mileage and safety features. You’d investigate how much insurance costs in your area, and shop around for a competitive auto loan. You’d begin visiting car lots and browsing online sites like Auto Trader and Carmax.

What if you wanted a new job? You’d polish up your resume and cover letter and read a few articles to brush up on your interview skills. You might do some research on your industry to examine the job prospects and discover the average salary. You’d start browsing the want ads and register for online career sites. Then you’d start sending your resume out to jobs that might work for you—you wouldn’t overthink it in the beginning, you’d just want to get in the door for an interview.

Now tell me, if you’re willing to do hours of research and browsing before making a major purchase, if you’re up for sending out hundreds of copies of your resume and going on dozens of interviews in order to land the perfect job, why are you so resistant to working at dating?

You know who you are (I’ve been there too, so don’t feel bad). You get angry when you hear stories about people who met their perfect mate by chance in the grocery store. It drives your crazy to hear about your friend who fell in love with her roommate’s brother or started dating the cute guy in the cubicle down the hall. Why can’t that happen for me?, you fume. Why does it have to be so hard? Shouldn’t our eyes meet across a crowded room and we’ll “just know”? Shouldn’t true love happen without me trying?

Cry me a river, honey. Yeah, I finally found my Prince Charming, but it took one failed marriage, one failed engagement, and several failed attempts at cohabitation, not to mention the countless dead-end first dates I endured along the way.

I met Mike online at Yahoo Personals on my THIRD round of online dating (I had previously tried match.com and eHarmony to no avail). I deleted literally thousands of “You’re hot—let’s screw” emails, corresponded briefly with dozens of men, and had more than a few terrible dates. (Especially you, very short married guy. Why did you tell me that you were single and 6’ tall, then show up for our date being 5’7 AT BEST with a wedding ring tan? What did you think was going to happen???) And for my hubby, I was the 16th girl he had gone out with during the six months or so he’d been online dating. That’s sixteen nerve-wracking meetings, sixteen paid-for dinners, and sixteen dashed hopes. Why did he keep going? Why didn’t he just quit when he had such a low success rate? Because he wanted to meet someone and he wasn’t going to give up, that’s why.

I have so many friends who dismiss online dating without even trying it. (“Jesus, Jen—I’m not desperate!”) If online dating’s not for you, that’s fine. Don’t do it. Instead, check out Craigslist and find a hiking club or a flag football team. Take a course in BBQ grilling or Italian. Start volunteering. Become an avid fan of some sport. Do SOMETHING. You can’t expect that sitting around in your PJs wailing “But it should just haaaappennnnn” is going to get you anywhere. Put on your Spanx, touch up your makeup, slide into your cutest shoes and get out there!

If you’re interested in online dating but would like a little help with your profile, visit my Services page.

This post was featured in the Online Dating Carnival–check out the carnival for other great articles about how to make dating work for you!

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Jan 15 2008

Who’s Your Candidate?

Published by admin under Miscellaneous

Click here to take an interesting quiz on the ABC News website that is supposed to match you with the candidate with whom you’re most closely aligned. I took the quiz and had three abysmal matches (less than 50% for all three), so I’m not sure how useful it is…

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