Jan 16 2008
Dating Is a Full-Time Job
What would you do if you wanted to buy a car? You’d probably start saving money for a down payment. You might read a few articles to figure out which one has the best gas mileage and safety features. You’d investigate how much insurance costs in your area, and shop around for a competitive auto loan. You’d begin visiting car lots and browsing online sites like Auto Trader and Carmax.
What if you wanted a new job? You’d polish up your resume and cover letter and read a few articles to brush up on your interview skills. You might do some research on your industry to examine the job prospects and discover the average salary. You’d start browsing the want ads and register for online career sites. Then you’d start sending your resume out to jobs that might work for you—you wouldn’t overthink it in the beginning, you’d just want to get in the door for an interview.
Now tell me, if you’re willing to do hours of research and browsing before making a major purchase, if you’re up for sending out hundreds of copies of your resume and going on dozens of interviews in order to land the perfect job, why are you so resistant to working at dating?
You know who you are (I’ve been there too, so don’t feel bad). You get angry when you hear stories about people who met their perfect mate by chance in the grocery store. It drives your crazy to hear about your friend who fell in love with her roommate’s brother or started dating the cute guy in the cubicle down the hall. Why can’t that happen for me?, you fume. Why does it have to be so hard? Shouldn’t our eyes meet across a crowded room and we’ll “just know”? Shouldn’t true love happen without me trying?
Cry me a river, honey. Yeah, I finally found my Prince Charming, but it took one failed marriage, one failed engagement, and several failed attempts at cohabitation, not to mention the countless dead-end first dates I endured along the way.
I met Mike online at Yahoo Personals on my THIRD round of online dating (I had previously tried match.com and eHarmony to no avail). I deleted literally thousands of “You’re hot—let’s screw” emails, corresponded briefly with dozens of men, and had more than a few terrible dates. (Especially you, very short married guy. Why did you tell me that you were single and 6’ tall, then show up for our date being 5’7 AT BEST with a wedding ring tan? What did you think was going to happen???) And for my hubby, I was the 16th girl he had gone out with during the six months or so he’d been online dating. That’s sixteen nerve-wracking meetings, sixteen paid-for dinners, and sixteen dashed hopes. Why did he keep going? Why didn’t he just quit when he had such a low success rate? Because he wanted to meet someone and he wasn’t going to give up, that’s why.
I have so many friends who dismiss online dating without even trying it. (“Jesus, Jen—I’m not desperate!”) If online dating’s not for you, that’s fine. Don’t do it. Instead, check out Craigslist and find a hiking club or a flag football team. Take a course in BBQ grilling or Italian. Start volunteering. Become an avid fan of some sport. Do SOMETHING. You can’t expect that sitting around in your PJs wailing “But it should just haaaappennnnn” is going to get you anywhere. Put on your Spanx, touch up your makeup, slide into your cutest shoes and get out there!
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This post was featured in the Online Dating Carnival–check out the carnival for other great articles about how to make dating work for you!
