The last two months have completely kicked my butt.

First, there was the total shock of finding out that I’m pregnant. Then there was the desperate scramble to find a new place to live and move everything we own in a matter of few weeks. Then there was the hormonal overload of the first trimester–morning sickness, bone-deep exhaustion, alternating fits of tears and rage. Then there was a week-long work trip during which I became so exhausted and dehydrated due to the aforementioned morning sickness that I fainted in the middle of a business meeting with a bunch of police officers. (Well, if you have to faint, better to do it around people with EMT training, right?)

The most difficult part of all of this has been dealing with my own expectations. I thought I was a pretty together person. I would have thought I could handle anything work had to throw at me. I would have thought I could cope with a spur-of-the-moment move. I never dreamed that I wouldn’t be able to both keep up with this blog, which I adore, and continue my new paid blogging job (which I ultimately wound up quitting–that hurt the old ego). I always thought I’d be the kind of pregnant woman who sails through without a hitch. I thought I’d be able defeat morning sickness solely by the resorative power of ginger ale and the force of my will. I thought I’d be exercising five times a week. Ha! I’ve spent approximately 5,787,829,035,782,943 hours staring forlornly at the bottom of a toilet and approximately 0 hours looking at the display of a cardio machine.

It’s just been…

Tough.

But now, with the second trimester (which many people call the “honeymoon phase” of pregnancy) starting tomorrow, the move completely done, and work settling down a bit, I’ve decided that it’s time to wrap up the poor-me pity party and get back to enjoying my life. I’m not exactly sure what that means, but I think it will go something like this:

• Do a little less moping and practice a little more gratitude.
• Watch a lot less TV and do a lot more writing.
• Do everything I can to reduce stress and anxiety.
• Make a conscious effort to enjoy the experience of pregnancy (who knows–this could be my only shot at it).
• Let go of my expectations. I don’t HAVE to work out five times per week or post every day here. I can just do what feels right and doesn’t cause me stress or anxiety.

I’m sorry I’ve been AWOL for the past six weeks, but I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and it looks really, really good…

I know I’ve been totally absent lately, but I promise I’ll be back!

Good news:

• We got our first ultrasound–the baby looks perfectly healthy (and kind of like a gummy bear)!
• Work is gradually tapering back to a manageable level of activity.
• The morning sickness is (dare I say it?) finally starting to subside. I’m almost back up to my starting weight.
• My hair has stopped falling out. (Note: I was so stressed that my hair was falling out. Yes. It was that bad.)
• We found a place to live (hooray!) in our current building (double hooray!) which is bigger than the apartment we have now (triple hooray!) and all we have to do is move our stuff down two floors (hooray to the tenth!).

We’re moving this weekend, so I feel like if I can just get through the next week or so–move and get settled in–I’ll be able to get back to regular posting here. I’m sorry I’ve been so sporadic over the past few weeks!

I miss you all!

 And the icing on the cake of chaos that has been my life of late is this…

My husband and I rent a condo from a military guy who’s been stationed in North Carolina. We’ve been there for three years and love it. He just called my husband a few minutes ago to tell him that we have to be out in 30 days because he wants to move in.

Ha!

So we have until September 30 to find a place, pack, and move. Every weekend in September except for one was booked. I say “was” because we’re going to need to cancel things so we have weekends free for packing.

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

The past couple of weeks have been a real whirlwind. My team at work has been simultaneously short-staffed and over-tasked, which has resulted in stress, long hours, stress, frustration, stress, missed workouts, stress, not cleaning the house, and stress. On top of that, I’ve got two websites to write for–Semi-Charmed Wife, which as you all know, has been woefully neglected of late, and the Examiner.

My husband and I have obligations/plans for the next four weekends, which gives me little time to recuperate/catch up/regain a tenuous relationship with my sanity and means that I have to squeeze all of my writing into the few hours between the time I get home from work and the time I go to sleep. As you can probably imagine, sitting at the computer is EXACTLY WHAT I WANT TO DO after a long, stressful day at work of sitting at the computer.

(Note: It is exactly THE OPPOSITE of what I want to do, which is de-stress and/or sleep.)

Then there’s that whole pregnant thing. Yeah. Apparently, it makes me a wee bit emotional/hormonal, not to mention that I could easily sleep 16 hours a day if I were allowed to do so. And I’m a bit worried. I’ve lost some weight over the past few weeks (not much–just a few pounds), which my doctor assures me is totally normal for the first trimester, but I can’t help but wonder if the constant stress of the pressure cooker that is my life might have something to do with it.

My husband and I talked, and I’ve come to the conclusion that–contrary to what I want to believe–I can’t keep going at this breakneck pace right now. It’s not good for me, and I can’t imagine it’s good for the baby.

I’m going to talk to my editor at the Examiner and see if I can cut back to posting 1-2 times per week. Seeing as she just emailed me to request that I start posting every day (I’ve been posting 4x/week and am only obligated to post 3x/week), I have serious doubts as to whether she’ll agree to my request. If she doesn’t, as much as I’d hate to, I think I’ll have to resign. The alternative would be giving up Semi-Charmed Wife, and I get too much joy/inspiration from it to even contemplate doing that.

Though I know that this decision is in my best interests, I hate being in this position. It’s hard to admit that I can’t do something, and I’m struggling not to feel like a quitter. Again, I know intellectually that I’m doing the right thing, but emotionally, it’s a different story.

Have you ever been in a similar situation? How did you handle it? I need advice!

I’ve been meaning to post this, but I’ve been drowning in work. I’m talking 14 hour days kind of drowning. Drinking out of a fire hose kind of drowning. Reduce the pregnant lady to tears and tantrums kind of drowning.

I’m second-in-command to a team of six at work. My boss’s wife just had her baby on Saturday, so he’s been out all week. Another one of our employees had his last day on Friday and his replacement is still waiting on her security clearance and can’t start for (probably) about six more weeks. Another of the employees just started on Monday, so she can’t really do much. That means that the work of six people is now effectively being done by three people.

On top of that, it’s one of the busiest weeks for our team since we started working for this particular client. I have 17 (not an exaggeration) written products due by Friday, which would typically take six people about three weeks. Yeah.

I’m going to take the rest of the week off from Semi-Charmed Wife, which I’ve never done before. Wish me luck & keep me in your thoughts! I’ll see you on Monday…